Friday, May 21, 2010

Looking Forward...

As this month has trundled on I find myself looking forward (or up for following the nablopomo theme for may) I'm finding my feet not only in a new town but as a whole person again. Lots of things have happened since we moved a short 5-6 weeks ago...

I'm finding that I still love a lot of old hobbies that have been stashed away for ages because the friends I had around me (not that there were many) weren't interested in the same things. I'm re-finding myself. I'm discovering the more I look inwards that I allowed others to stifle me and tell me how to lead my life - that's not going to happen any more!!! I am going to allow me to be myself - if people don't like that then they don't deserve to have a part in my future... This is how I promise to myself to continue to look forward...

I look forward to breaking out of the coffin I found myself in... It's a coffin as slowly bit by bit I was being stifled, suffocated and I was losing me - I want to find me again, I want to be happy with myself, not because I have a friend or someone with me or because someone liked something I did - I want to actually find me and be content with me being be, no matter what others think!!!

So from here on I promise to myself to continue to find me. I promise to try new things. I promise that I can do things without needing someone else's permission. I promise that I for sure can stand on my own two feet, I can raise my children and be a good partner and generally be happy...

I ultimately promise myself to look forward, to look up and to find myself.. I promise to keep chip[ping away at this depression and to release myself from the suffocating coffin I was finding myself in...

I have a reason to look forward and up.. and I will fight for that reason - and that reason is ME!! I deserve to be happy.. not just to help others find happiness... I'm doing this for me... Because ultimately if I find myself and am happy I will be the best person for my family, my friends and will have a future to enjoy :)

Where that all came from I'm not sure, I guess you can say I've had an epiphany in the last 48 or so hours.... I'm finally standing up for myself and will not be too scared to be there for me, even if it means a good firm look at the people I surround myself with... Sometimes to grow you need to remove the weights around ones neck....



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