Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Slowly Getting There....

In sooo many ways :) My head is slowly getting itself around the face we're now in South Australia and this is home - we're not in Tassie anymore... It's going to be a bit longer before I really get a grip on this fact, I think because everything happened so quickly.. I mean even going on holiday you have a plan and run up to get ready for it - to have 3 weeks to get packed up, say our farewells and move - well that's just not enough time to prepare mentally for such a change... If I'm struggling with it I'd hate to think about how the kids are getting their little heads around the changes - no wonder they have such naughty periods at the moment, we've all had such a BIG change with little to no preparation, it's been a HUGE shock to us all!! not necessarily a culture shock, but a physical shock I guess of being uprooted and moving so far away from everyone and everything we know... Thank goodness for modern technology!!!

Now that all preparation, inspections, visitors etc are over for the near future we now get on with setting our routines and finding our place in the scheme of things her in 'The Mount" To be honest I don't really know where my place is at the moment other than to be here for the kids and Nathan... Trying to make things comfortable and running smoothly - I guess it's pretty much the same as most home makers - but the thing is I'm so used to working, that my head is somewhat struggling with the fact I don't have a job at the moment - even though I was on maternity leave back in Tas, I still had a job waiting for me... here I don't have that - I had to turn my back on the tax office to move over here, so I guess I'm struggling with the fact I'm no longer a working professional... It's something that is probably hard for a lot of people to understand, but I loved to work... I know I was venturing out to start my own business even in Tas, but that still meant I was working... I'm no where up to starting a business venture over here yet - For goodness sake I don't even know enough here to approach to even look at starting a business!!!

Anyways, I think our first task here is to start to relax... The last 13 weeks have been nothing short of chaotic, bedlam, stress, tension, friction, busy busy busy!!! I'm finding it hard to wind down from it all. I've been catching myself curling up into a big ball of stress of late, I can't shake the tension - I think being in a constant state of 'fight or flight' the last few months is really starting to play havoc with my ability to relax... It's not that easy when you've had so much thrown at you in such a short amount of time. And the sad thing with that is if I'm stressed and tense it is only natural everyone one else in the household will feel it and the stress and tension will find it's way into them as well... it's insidious little fingers will creep from me to everyone else so I really REALLY REALLY need to work hard on relaxing and getting over this first hurdle...

So how do I relax??? Where do I start??? Honest answer - I've got no idea!!!

Really, I don't know where to start. I've been trying to forcibly relax my muscles... I can feel them being very tight, I feel the tension headaches etc... I try to forcibly relax, but then forcibly relaxing feels so unnatural that I tense back up again LOL I wish we had a beach here.... The sound of the waves and feel of the sand on under my feet always helped relax me... I remember going down to the beach when we were at the childrens home - it was all rocks, but the waves crashing down was so soothing.... You could even hear the water suck back towards the ocean just before the waves would crash again - I can still hear that soft gurgling sound in my head, feel the hard rocks under my butt and feel the wind and spray on my face....

Oh to go back there, back in time and change a few things.... but if I changed anything we probably wouldn't be over here in SA having this adventure - and you know what... For everything that's happened, every tear we've shed, every tussle we've had I wouldn't change this for the world. I've so proud that we've come this far... So proud of Nathan getting this opportunity and move over here and really pleased that we've had this chance to grow together as a family as well as individuals... This is a challenge for us all... Sop no, I don;t think I really do want to go back and change anything... Go back and feel that salt spray on my face and the wind in my hair for sure.. but no, not to change anything... everything that's happened in our lives no matter how painful or joyful has sculpted the people we are today, and that is making us stronger and a more rounded person....

So I'm back where I started... we're slowly getting there. We are becoming accustomed to things here in SA, accustomed to relying on ourselves and accustomed to our new routines. We're making new friends (slowly but I know we'll get there ;)) and moving forward with our life :) It's all positive!! I know we will get 'there' wherever 'there' is - but we're heading in the right direction :) Now if I can just relax again and stop this tension building up that isn't necessary!!!

Again I don't know how to get this relaxation thing started... I really really don't... It makes it hard that I've no idea on where a lot of things like parks and walks are - privatish ones that is LOL And I don't cope too well with the unknown... I like things to be well planned and thought out (sheesh, this move was anything but that hahaha) so not knowing things like when Aleks will have his assessment, when Kahli will get her hearing tests, when William and Domenik will get their call ups to go to the specialists in Adelaide are all kinda playing havoc with my plans... I know it will all come in time - and then follow ups will be scheduled... But for now, not knowing isn't helping me either... golly gosh I'm sounding like a control freak ROFL I'm far from it, but I do like to have a little bit of order ;)

So where to start relaxing, I know I can't force these appointments, they're a 'go with the flow" situation, to it's back to me.. how do I relax!?!??! I love my scrapbooking at the moment, but I still feel tense completing LO's - to the point I find myself tapping my foot while working!!! How freaky is that - I've never done that before!!! Things might appear different the flip side of a good nights sleep - I guess that is as good a place to start as any... So to bed I go, maybe the relaxation fairies will come to me as I sleep ;) We live in hope!!!!
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