Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Journey of Finding Me....

That seems to be what this blog has become. I'm not ashamed of it - sometimes it's been my only 'friend' who has been really here for me, the fact that this 'friend' has spoken to other people is nothing to be ashamed of. I like the idea that I can look back on my blog and see just how far I've come.

I think I'm slowly coming to realise that I'm not that bad a person - And I'm saying that with no pride. I am generous, loving, curious, sometimes funny, often shy and lots more - but these are all little bits that make me. I know that I hurt easily and have been hurt bad by people throughout my life - but those little hurts are again things that make me me.. it's because I've hurt like this that I know I'd never ever hurt anyone in the same way. Of course there are negatives about me... I'm shy - painfully shy at times, I have a LONG way top go before I feel self confident about myself.. I thought I was getting somewhere with that but the previous 18 months before moving really shot that to pieces... I have trust issues, enjoy food a little too much and excercise a little to infrequently (but hey, I know there's a lot who have that to own up to LOL) so yeah., there are things I need to work on still... but I'm starting to learn how to acknowledge these things and embrace them within myself. I may never become the life of the party - but at least I know that I may just be invited to a few parties because some people out there think I'm worth it - so if they think I'm worth it then I must be!!!

So I'm starting to grow up I think - maybe it's the new independence I've found since moving that's shoved this all in my face? Who knows, but I'm starting to feel ok, things are alright.. it's ok that some things go pear shape and others are perfect... I have my family with me and by my side, and even if people don't like me or want to try to cause trouble for me that's ok - because that reflects mostly on them - not me!!!

So as I sit here watching Domenik play make-believe, knowing my older kids are safe and learning at school I can smile and know that I'm doing a good job at raising them, my kids love me, and I them, I have a husband who loves me and friends throughout the world who care for me too - so things aren't all bad, they're not all painful.. things are definitely looking up :)

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