Sunday, September 19, 2010

Married, Single Other....

I've just watched tonights episode of this show... I'm shocked with the emotion it stirred within me. I probably shouldn't be shocked...

It was such a sad, happy, poignant, uplifting, thought provoking episode tonight. I wont go into details (just in case anyone from WA may read this and it wont yet have aired.)

Something in me knew how it was going to end. I just knew it... Even so I couldn't take my eyes off the TV screen...

What would I do if I was told I'd have less than 6 months to live? I honestly don't know... I'd be devastated - not for me, but for my family I was leaving behind. I'd try to cram as much loving and living in that I could. I'd make sure that all my memories were written down or recorded for my children to have ready access to. There wouldn't be a way that they would forget their mother and how much she loved them.

I'd have to write down all routines, recipes etc for Nathan. I'd make a famiy instruction manual for him... and in it would me little messages that I would hope would make him smile and keep him going.. Let him know what a wonderful job he was doing and what a great father he is - and just how much potential he has in life...

All my children would have a scrapbook made for them - with similar messages. In there I would let them know what dreams I have for them. How I know that they are strong little individuals, and as much as that can cause their parents grief when we butt heads it makes me proud that they have the strength to stand up for what they believe in - even if it is just to play on the playstation each and every day!!! That being said, I think little Dommy's would be the hardest to write - knowing that he will grow up with his mum being just another face in a photograph... That would be a tough thing to do - really tough!!!

I'm blessed thought that with the illnesses I have and have had, none of them are terminal - so **touch wood** I wont have to do such a thing...

What this show has really opened my eyes to is that you really do need to live in the now - you need to take each day as it comes and live it to it's fullest - if that's as simple as baking cookies for the kids (like we did today) then so be it - it's these little things that crate memories... You wont die regretting not mopping the floor that morning, or not making that last work meeting - you'd die regretting spending those little times with your children and family showing them you loved them...

I want my family to know just what they mean to me... I want all my memories, thoughts and dreams to be something special to treasure - this is why I scrapbook. But besides that it is a way I can tell my story. This blog is similar - it's an electronic diary, and a way I can tell my story to others etc... This is another way I can scrapbook - albeit with not as many photo's and a few more rambling thoughts... But if anything were to happen to me I'd want my children to come here and take comfort that they were never far from my thoughts, they were one of the ultimate reasons we took the opportunity to move to the mainland and spread our wings... they are the reason that we live and breathe... they are my life... They are my here and now, they are my future.... I swear my children will grow up knowing what they mean to me... they will grow up knowing where they came from, they will grow up knowing that no matter what happens they are important individuals and can do just about anything - they will know how proud I am of them and that I will always be here for them - if not in body (although I pray this wont happen for many many decades to come!!) but that I will always be with them with the scrapping I do, the writing I do and in the photographs I take of them.. each one of them holds a little bit of me, and they just need to turn a page and my love will be there for them to hold on to... no matter how far apart we are....

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