Sunday, October 31, 2010

I'm not Looking Forward to November...

I'm posting this now because I hope that I can handle myself and control my emotions so I don't have too bad a month.

November was meant to be a month full of new joy for us. It's the month that our latest angel was due... Our baby was due on the 22nd of November 2010. With previous losses I've not been that crash hot come to due date... I really hope I can hold myself together this year...

It only struck me this morning that tomorrow will be November... I should be complaining about aching back and joints, braxton hicks, swelling hands and feet.. but instead I sit and snuggle my earth children and wonder what this baby would have been like, if it was a boy or a girl, what colour eyes he/she would have had, hair, smell etc etc....

I can't allow myself to dwell too much though, I don't want to get down and struggle to come up for air again.

I guess it hasn't helped finding out a friends grandson was born with wings last Friday - unexpectedly. He was too small and precious for this earth :( I wonder how I would cope if our babies were that bit bigger that we could hug them and kiss them and see them.... they weren't 'simply' miscarriages...

Anyways, if I go nutso this month please forgive me. If I get too down - well I need to be allowed to be down a little but if you see me get too down please kick my backside and remind me what i have on earth already :)

November should be a good month for us, but I know there will be a little sadness and a few tears... I really hope I keep an handle on my emotions etc....




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