Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Have I done the right thing??

It's the eternal worry of being a parent.. Always asking what you done the right thing, was that the right decision, are we going to scar our children for life for different things... anyways tonight I ask myself ahve I done the right things regarding Kahi...

My head says yes...

My heart says yes...

but mummy guilt kicks in to override the fact I know it's right to tell me that maybe, just maybe there was more I could do...

I received a return phone call from my childrens school. It didn't end the best to put it mildly. The round up is that no matter what happens in the classroom the suspicion is always going to fall onto Kahli's shoulders. Apparently that's the correct assumption. Because Kahli uses generalisations such as "everyone is teasing me" "everyone is bullying me" then she's exaggerating and it is doubtful that the bullying is really happening - well that's my read on the situation... if a child has come to a teacher time after time after time saying she's being bullied and the teacher has doubt because of said childs wording... hmm well that's how it was put to me, and nothing I can say can change this opinion until they see proof - I mean, I've given names and my boys (who would love nothing more than to get their sister into trouble and wont lie to back her) even say they've seen it - but that's not proof enough **sigh**

Kahli did the wrong thing this morning - no disputing that. She found $10 on the side of the road and picked it up and kept it. She went to the school front office and asked them to change it into 2 $5 notes. Not once did they ask her about the money... Even after me telling the school my children are not to have money at school - EVER!!

Apparently Kahli gave one of the $5 to another student at school. Then changed her mind and asked for it back. Here is where the story gets a bit muddy.... you see I was told at the initial phone call that Kahli had given another child $5 and that was it... Then come the second phone call this evening I was told that this other child was accused of stealing the $5 from Kahli - now my concern is that throughout the conversations with the school I've caught them embellishing and outright lying a few times... I have to wonder if this child was accused of stealing from Kahli why this wasn't mentioned in the first phone call - also I've questioned Kahli over and over about this fact - different questions, different tactics and she consistently says she didn't say this child stole from her, just that she wanted the money back so she could pay a 'debt' with another child.... I know Kahli can be an eloquent story weaver at the best of times, but I can't shake this feeling she's telling me the truth - if that's guilt from not believing her earlier I can't be certain....

So I received original phone call advising me that my daughter has stolen money. I get told that she has lied about it to the school. At one point I get told she said to the front office that it was her money - It didn't sound like Kahli so I questioned that point, the principal retracted the statement saying no she didn't say that but the assumption was there that as she handed over the monmey it was hers.... Anyways I was lead to believe she maliciously took this money from another person which was not the case - the whole dilemma with the school now is that Kahli simply kept the $10....

So, I wonder why this big hullabaloo... I know it's not right she shoud have handed it it, but seriously would they have handed it in if they found it out on the road??? Not saying it's right - what I AM saying though is why didn't they sit down with Kahli and simply say "Kahli, if you find money you must hand it in to the office, you don't keep it" Simple - no fuss, no accusations, nothing negative!!! But no, that didn't happen at all!!!

Instead I have a principal on the phone DEFENDING the fact that they called Kahli a liar, DEFENDING the fact they are staying she is a thief, DEFENDING the fact that she said what the assumption could they jump to with the circumstances presented to them, DEFENDING the fact that anything that happens in the class and Kahli will be brought under suspicion - all because my daughter was "brave" in the principals words to admit to being bad and taking a few things at times because she was jealous - she knows that was wrong, she has admitted that and has accepted punishment and returned the items that she has here to their rightful owners (even if minus a pen lid!!!)

As a result of their unapologetic, accusational, and harsh stance I've made the decision to pull Kahli out of the class for the rest of the year. Apparently Kahli was to have a meeting with a support worker at the school today - she was excited to start painting on a canvas and start talking to her... instead she came home being told that the worker was too busy to see her - I tell ya, what kind of message is that sending to a child in distress?!?!?!?!

Anyways, I'm looking into my options for next year. There are several open - right down to home schooling (which is looking really positive at the moment)... I've been advised from the school that any issues Kahli has will follow me from one school to the next and it's not teaching her to responsible and social to pull her out from the class - I'm sorry, but my daughter deserves to be treated better than a criminal and to have some faith in her.... Also she will be marked absent so I'l counteract that with a visit to the Doc for a med cert citing mental health and get her into a counselor or phsych who is removed from the situation and start getting her self esteem and whatever demons dealt with - I can get her in via our health fund so hopefully can get something happening before the end of the year to help my little girl...

In amongst all this negativity from the school there is a little 11 year old girl crying out for help... I hate the fact they reckon that their treatment of her is their support of her... I'm sorry, but with that kind of support I'm glad I'm not in the educations system any more!!!!

So yes, mummy guilt has been kicking in.. I'm not so much worrying about my decisions.. it's the guilt of trusting the school and putting Kahli back into the situation where she was let down by those in authority. I feel guilty about telling her to go speak to her teacher about being bullied and leaving at that, I feel guilty about trusting that I would be contacted if anything was happening in the school.. I feel guilty for trusting the wrong people with the care and support of my daughter. Most of all I feel guilty that this has been going on for 6 months - 6 long months and I've not known about it... 6 months of telling her to speak to her teacher and trusting them too much... I should have done something - I don't know what without being communicated with, but I should have known... surely I should have known.... I think if only we had been able to get onto this earlier, if only the school had told me Kahli wasn;t happy, there were signs of issues etc etc.. they had it in writing from her in a 'worry box' that things weren't right but the teacher said they were only little thing - yes little thigns soon add up to big things and wouldn;t it be a sign to any logical adult that lots of little things should be looked into as to why they are appearing!?!??! I feel so guilty about putting Kahli in the situation where she was in the care of someone who was unable to see the forest for the trees, someone who even now wont acknowledge that they made a mistake - even though they now say they misjudged Kahli today they wont apologise or admit they did anything wrong!!!! It makes me sick that I put my daughter in their care, and even when I had doubt I did it again....

I swear, that with my last breath I will always be there for my kids - I wont allow them to be lost in the system and if that means pulling them out of the system then so be it!!! Their needs are paramount!!!!!




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