Friday, January 28, 2011

Meet 'Splodge'

Thankyou so much everyone for putting up with my irrational rantings the last 12 weeks - I know I'm probably coming across as the insane woman who worries about everything... I've no excuse really - I just knew that this was it - there was no trying again, no way I was going to continue to hold my emotions out to dry if 'splodge' didn't hang in there...

We've got 8 little babies already in heaven. Yes I do believe that from conception they are life - so they are beautiful beings in heaven now watching over their earthly siblings. There was no way that I could continue with the heartbreak of saying goodbye to another baby that we didn't get to meet. As it is Nathan wants 6 kids in total.. I can't agree to that - I'm not in the position to do that any more. 'Splodge' will definitely be the crowning glory to our family. 'Splodge' is it - and I'm completely at peace with that decision.

So todays scan went great - I know I was sooo worried... to the point I was making myself feel so ill this morning!!! I was certain I was going to walk away with bad news. But 5 seconds after putting the transducer to my belly the technician turned the screen to me and said "here is your baby and here is it's heartbeat" Much more beautiful words than "I'm sorry" :) And yes, I blubbered - not much, just a little... I think the joy will hit me later... We had a NT measurement of 1.6mm (not certain what the bloods are - they will be back in a week or so) and a little nose is present so that's all good... We also have 2 legs, 2 arms, a stomach (important for bricknell kids ROFL) a brain a great heartbeat and the hiccups LOL

This evening since the scan I've been in a state of numbness... I don't know if to cry, scream, jump up and down etc etc.. I feel elated but not sure how to let these emotions I've been bottling the last 12 weeks (really 18 months) out... It's a weird place to be.... I don't even feel like I can go to a baby store and tempt myself with their gorgeous baby delights - I feel kind of like I'm jinxing myself... as though it's not really real..... That probably sounds really weird!! I know the numbness will wear off... It's going to take some time to break down the wall that I've built around my emotions - considering we've had 2 missed miscarriages within the last 18 months I think I was entitaled to have a wall up to protect me... Now we've had great news I have to start dismantling that wall and allow myself to relax and be happy and enjoy being pregnant for one last time - it WILL be the last time and I want to enjoy it, remember it all.. I want to be happy and relax... I think we can afford that luxury now....

So without further ado, I introduce you to our little miracle....

Meet Splodge
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