Meet 'Splodge'

Thankyou so much everyone for putting up with my irrational rantings the last 12 weeks - I know I'm probably coming across as the insane woman who worries about everything... I've no excuse really - I just knew that this was it - there was no trying again, no way I was going to continue to hold my emotions out to dry if 'splodge' didn't hang in there...

We've got 8 little babies already in heaven. Yes I do believe that from conception they are life - so they are beautiful beings in heaven now watching over their earthly siblings. There was no way that I could continue with the heartbreak of saying goodbye to another baby that we didn't get to meet. As it is Nathan wants 6 kids in total.. I can't agree to that - I'm not in the position to do that any more. 'Splodge' will definitely be the crowning glory to our family. 'Splodge' is it - and I'm completely at peace with that decision.

So todays scan went great - I know I was sooo worried... to the point I was making myself feel so ill this morning!!! I was certain I was going to walk away with bad news. But 5 seconds after putting the transducer to my belly the technician turned the screen to me and said "here is your baby and here is it's heartbeat" Much more beautiful words than "I'm sorry" :) And yes, I blubbered - not much, just a little... I think the joy will hit me later... We had a NT measurement of 1.6mm (not certain what the bloods are - they will be back in a week or so) and a little nose is present so that's all good... We also have 2 legs, 2 arms, a stomach (important for bricknell kids ROFL) a brain a great heartbeat and the hiccups LOL

This evening since the scan I've been in a state of numbness... I don't know if to cry, scream, jump up and down etc etc.. I feel elated but not sure how to let these emotions I've been bottling the last 12 weeks (really 18 months) out... It's a weird place to be.... I don't even feel like I can go to a baby store and tempt myself with their gorgeous baby delights - I feel kind of like I'm jinxing myself... as though it's not really real..... That probably sounds really weird!! I know the numbness will wear off... It's going to take some time to break down the wall that I've built around my emotions - considering we've had 2 missed miscarriages within the last 18 months I think I was entitaled to have a wall up to protect me... Now we've had great news I have to start dismantling that wall and allow myself to relax and be happy and enjoy being pregnant for one last time - it WILL be the last time and I want to enjoy it, remember it all.. I want to be happy and relax... I think we can afford that luxury now....

So without further ado, I introduce you to our little miracle....

Meet Splodge
12w4d

I'm not worried...

I'm not worried... I'm not worried.... I'm not worried...

Maybe if I say it often enough I might start to believe it!!!

Tomorrow is a HUGE day for us, well in the life of Splodge it is at least. Tomorrow we will get an inkling as to if Splodge is going to hang in there for the long haul... Tomorrow is our scan that is past the 12 week mark - which means splodge (if still with us) has made it further than his siblings that we lost at a late stage.... Tomorrow we also find out if there are any markers for serious genetic disorders (which I'm honestly NOT worried about!!!) My biggest fear is walking into the scan room (I will be by myself as we also have a rental inspection on at the same time so Nathan will be escorting our lovely RE agent through the house (seriously she IS great!! Couldn't ask for better!!!) and being told there is no heart beat. I remember that feeling all too vividly from previous scans...

Those scans were at earlier stages, we'd not expected it.. After the first one and the ob telling us it was pure chance and wont happen again - and then it DID happen again... I really don't trust myself at the moment to believe anything other than those two words to be uttered "I'm sorry"

So as much as I feel internally positive all is well with splodge - I mean you have to have some kind of faith, I am terrified that I'll be hearing those two words at the same time....

I really want to curl up in a ball and sleep the next 2 days away, wake up on the weekend and be told everything is OK, nothing to worry about... But I know that's not going to happen... I've got to be awake and alert for whatever will happen... I truly hate this feeling - expecting the worst, trying not to burst into tears with the worry and fear...

I guess being busy is the best thing to do at the moment.. So I'll do just that... I'll keep busy and just not stop to think until Tomorrow is done with... I might be worried and terrified, but I wont allow my brain to stop and feel it!!!

It's been a while....

Well it feels like it at least LOL My leg issue kept up for a whole week. I was able to do not much at all :( It ended up being from dehydration - no DVT here (thank goodness!!!) The theory is that I was dehydrated to the point I unbalanced the electrolytes in my body.. I needed several doses of gatorade huge quantities of water and lots of veggies and red meat to get me back to normal!!! there's been not a twinge **touch wood** for 3 days now so I'm hoping that is the last of that!!!

I had my first midwife appointment on Friday.. Everything is going well as far as we can tell... BP is really good, symptoms are all easing and no more signs of miscarriage **touch wood** I'm looking forward to this coming Friday's scan to ensure that all is really going well inside. I can now feel bubby's fundus so I know there is growth happening in there - so all good I guess so far :) I think I'm still holding back a bit 'just in case' but once we're past this scan I think we'll start to relax and enjoy the journey a little bit more :) I've still not been able to make any baby purchases.. previously we've been oohing and aahing already at this stage.. making lists etc etc but not this time - I want to know all is going well before I relax that much - I might even wait until the morphology scan in 8 weeks before we do anything like that - and hopefully we will have a hint at if we're buying pink or blue by then too!!! **fingers crossed**

What else has been happening??? Well we're in the middle of the back to school preparations. I will make the run out to Compton with the kids this Thursday to hand in their enrollment paperwork and collect their book packs - oh and of course hand over copious amounts of money for school fees ROFL Then we have all of 3 days to cover, name and decorate all their books **eeeeeekkkkkkk** It will be a child a day I think ;)

Domenik has become our little parrot - he's copying EVERYTHING we say now.. right down to him singing out "oh my God" in a song over and over this afternoon - he thought it was great to see everyone's expressions change when we realised what he was saying!! ! LOL He's also had a paed appointment this week jsut gone which has resulted in him being prescribed an epi-pen jnr for his bee sting allergy, getting a referral to the Adelaide woman's and childrens hospital for assessment for his foot (his left foot is becoming very rigid and looks like it's going to need further treatment) and both he and William also got referrals to see an allergist up there!!! The Pead was lovely - I couldn't fault her.. well except where she said that we're the most allergic family she's ever dealt with LOL It was lovely to have someone listen and understand and not question our experiences...

The other kids - well I ahve to admit it, they're growing up **sigh** Not always good, they're attitudes are growing a lot faster than their little bodies in a lot of cases!!! Sheesh are they ever!!! LOL little do they know but mummy has lots of experience with dealing with mouthy kids, and mummy has lots of privileges that they have access to that she can withhold mwahahhaa Yeps mummy is prepared to get tough and play dirty if need be ;)

I guess I should go get Dommy ready to bed right about now.. I'm feeling rather tired myself after a HUGE day at the beach yesterday with Vicki and her clan :) I'll post more about that tomorrow (all going well) after I've downloaded all the pics I took ;) For now, Aleks had a hair cut the other day and was sooo proud of his new 'surfer' hairstyle that he wanted me to take a photo to show his nanny - so I'm going to put it here too mwahahaha He's going to HATE me for this hahaha but he's growing up too quickly and one day we'll look back on these photo's in awe at how far he's come :)

Pre-Haircut
03 Jan 2011

Post Haircut
20 Jan 2011

PS: don't forget to check out my crafty blog over here - LOTS has been happening - I'm now crafting for an Australian chipboard company - Words or Whatever - WOW :)

Struggling...

That's what I've been lately... Not so much in a negative way, but struggling with myself mostly. These hormonal moods haven't been helped with the tragic news of the floods that have hit the eastern side of Australia - it's a huge disaster and the stories that come out of this kind of thing are such a mix of tragedy and joy that it's hard to watch any news or read anything without ending up in tears...

The other thing I'm struggling with is a physical thing. I've been getting these horrid pains in my left leg. The doctor suspected it may be a DVT at first, but no swelling or hot spots have developed so it seems that I've upset the electrolyte balance within myself after the anti-biotics I was on gave me errrm... watery side effects (LOL TMI probably hehhee) But it apparently wiped me and dehydrated me more than I thought which has results now in almost 4 days of full on calf cramps that just don't want to be eased!!! I've never EVER had anything like it!!! At times it's rendered me in tears of pain and frustration... it's really limiting - I simply drove down town this afternoon to get some bloods taken and I didn't think I was going to make it home again!!! Down town is but a 1 km drive - we walk it regularly, but driving it rendered me in so much pain this afternoon just by using the clutch :(

I was prescribed a big dose of gatorade which helped a bit, but now I need to look at getting some magnesium and calcium supplements to go with it - I also need to keep gatorading for a little while more... All things going well I should be back to normal within a few days - I can't wait because you don't realise how much you rely on your legs until you can't use them - they really do a lot of work with little complaint most of the time!!!

Well that's my little whinge for the day.. I was meant to be out scrapping with some friends tonight but my silly leg was playing up too much so am stuck home feeling sorry for myself - sorry... Hopefully I'll be back to normal like I said very very soon :)

My Little Poser

I just have a quick share...

Whilst I've been doing my photo-a-day project little Dom has been my shadow - he ADORES the camera!!! He's soooo not shy and his antics are simply adorable (well of course he's my Dommy boy hehehe)

When I did a photo of Aleksandir on day 3, Dommy was there literally pushing Aleks out of the view of the camera - seriously - huge shoves so he could take centre stage. I tried to get him to pose with Aleks - but no.. he wanted the limelight to himself.

Ok I thought - he was just being too cute and it's a one off, just a good day for him to be cheeky...

Then yesterday - I took William out the front to get a photo.. Dommy did the same thing!!! huge shoves to push William away from the camera - and then when Wil moved Dom would hunker down, pose himself (tilted head and all) and pull out a cheesy super sweet smile!!!! Oh it was too funny!!!! William decided he wanted to pose around the silver birch we have in the front yard - Once he had finished mucking around posing etc little Dommy came up behind him and started posing himself - Oh seriously - he was too cute (albeit with a super grotty saucy face left over from dinner!!!), anyone would think he was a professional model, when he heard the camera click he'd re-position himself slightly and strike a pose again!!!

Domenik the Model

Now I wonder if he's going to do the same today when I take Kahli out to get some shots of her.... Guess time will tell... but by going on previous experience Model Dommy will be striking poses all over again :)

He really does know how to grab the attention and make us all laugh :)

Back to School Preparations....

Wow it's almost that time already!!!! It feels tooo soon for us because the mainland states that have 4 terms go back to school 2 weeks earlier than Tassie so we're not used to January back to school - but it explains why kmart etc have back to school sales so early in the year (we didn't understand why when living back in Tas LOL)

I personally LOVE shopping for stationery - I get totally sucked in with new pencils, paper, books etc etc :) so love this time of year ;) We've no idea what will be in the kids school book packs so are preparing for it being totally minimal so will get a full quota of stationary products (yeah!!) and whatever isn't required for school will be used at home (by me mwahaha) for homework purposes.

So making lists at the moment for a trawl around the shops later this afternoon :) Ahhh I love hopping for back to school!!! Well I love shopping for stationary for me too bahahahaha