Have I done the right thing??

It's the eternal worry of being a parent.. Always asking what you done the right thing, was that the right decision, are we going to scar our children for life for different things... anyways tonight I ask myself ahve I done the right things regarding Kahi...

My head says yes...

My heart says yes...

but mummy guilt kicks in to override the fact I know it's right to tell me that maybe, just maybe there was more I could do...

I received a return phone call from my childrens school. It didn't end the best to put it mildly. The round up is that no matter what happens in the classroom the suspicion is always going to fall onto Kahli's shoulders. Apparently that's the correct assumption. Because Kahli uses generalisations such as "everyone is teasing me" "everyone is bullying me" then she's exaggerating and it is doubtful that the bullying is really happening - well that's my read on the situation... if a child has come to a teacher time after time after time saying she's being bullied and the teacher has doubt because of said childs wording... hmm well that's how it was put to me, and nothing I can say can change this opinion until they see proof - I mean, I've given names and my boys (who would love nothing more than to get their sister into trouble and wont lie to back her) even say they've seen it - but that's not proof enough **sigh**

Kahli did the wrong thing this morning - no disputing that. She found $10 on the side of the road and picked it up and kept it. She went to the school front office and asked them to change it into 2 $5 notes. Not once did they ask her about the money... Even after me telling the school my children are not to have money at school - EVER!!

Apparently Kahli gave one of the $5 to another student at school. Then changed her mind and asked for it back. Here is where the story gets a bit muddy.... you see I was told at the initial phone call that Kahli had given another child $5 and that was it... Then come the second phone call this evening I was told that this other child was accused of stealing the $5 from Kahli - now my concern is that throughout the conversations with the school I've caught them embellishing and outright lying a few times... I have to wonder if this child was accused of stealing from Kahli why this wasn't mentioned in the first phone call - also I've questioned Kahli over and over about this fact - different questions, different tactics and she consistently says she didn't say this child stole from her, just that she wanted the money back so she could pay a 'debt' with another child.... I know Kahli can be an eloquent story weaver at the best of times, but I can't shake this feeling she's telling me the truth - if that's guilt from not believing her earlier I can't be certain....

So I received original phone call advising me that my daughter has stolen money. I get told that she has lied about it to the school. At one point I get told she said to the front office that it was her money - It didn't sound like Kahli so I questioned that point, the principal retracted the statement saying no she didn't say that but the assumption was there that as she handed over the monmey it was hers.... Anyways I was lead to believe she maliciously took this money from another person which was not the case - the whole dilemma with the school now is that Kahli simply kept the $10....

So, I wonder why this big hullabaloo... I know it's not right she shoud have handed it it, but seriously would they have handed it in if they found it out on the road??? Not saying it's right - what I AM saying though is why didn't they sit down with Kahli and simply say "Kahli, if you find money you must hand it in to the office, you don't keep it" Simple - no fuss, no accusations, nothing negative!!! But no, that didn't happen at all!!!

Instead I have a principal on the phone DEFENDING the fact that they called Kahli a liar, DEFENDING the fact they are staying she is a thief, DEFENDING the fact that she said what the assumption could they jump to with the circumstances presented to them, DEFENDING the fact that anything that happens in the class and Kahli will be brought under suspicion - all because my daughter was "brave" in the principals words to admit to being bad and taking a few things at times because she was jealous - she knows that was wrong, she has admitted that and has accepted punishment and returned the items that she has here to their rightful owners (even if minus a pen lid!!!)

As a result of their unapologetic, accusational, and harsh stance I've made the decision to pull Kahli out of the class for the rest of the year. Apparently Kahli was to have a meeting with a support worker at the school today - she was excited to start painting on a canvas and start talking to her... instead she came home being told that the worker was too busy to see her - I tell ya, what kind of message is that sending to a child in distress?!?!?!?!

Anyways, I'm looking into my options for next year. There are several open - right down to home schooling (which is looking really positive at the moment)... I've been advised from the school that any issues Kahli has will follow me from one school to the next and it's not teaching her to responsible and social to pull her out from the class - I'm sorry, but my daughter deserves to be treated better than a criminal and to have some faith in her.... Also she will be marked absent so I'l counteract that with a visit to the Doc for a med cert citing mental health and get her into a counselor or phsych who is removed from the situation and start getting her self esteem and whatever demons dealt with - I can get her in via our health fund so hopefully can get something happening before the end of the year to help my little girl...

In amongst all this negativity from the school there is a little 11 year old girl crying out for help... I hate the fact they reckon that their treatment of her is their support of her... I'm sorry, but with that kind of support I'm glad I'm not in the educations system any more!!!!

So yes, mummy guilt has been kicking in.. I'm not so much worrying about my decisions.. it's the guilt of trusting the school and putting Kahli back into the situation where she was let down by those in authority. I feel guilty about telling her to go speak to her teacher about being bullied and leaving at that, I feel guilty about trusting that I would be contacted if anything was happening in the school.. I feel guilty for trusting the wrong people with the care and support of my daughter. Most of all I feel guilty that this has been going on for 6 months - 6 long months and I've not known about it... 6 months of telling her to speak to her teacher and trusting them too much... I should have done something - I don't know what without being communicated with, but I should have known... surely I should have known.... I think if only we had been able to get onto this earlier, if only the school had told me Kahli wasn;t happy, there were signs of issues etc etc.. they had it in writing from her in a 'worry box' that things weren't right but the teacher said they were only little thing - yes little thigns soon add up to big things and wouldn;t it be a sign to any logical adult that lots of little things should be looked into as to why they are appearing!?!??! I feel so guilty about putting Kahli in the situation where she was in the care of someone who was unable to see the forest for the trees, someone who even now wont acknowledge that they made a mistake - even though they now say they misjudged Kahli today they wont apologise or admit they did anything wrong!!!! It makes me sick that I put my daughter in their care, and even when I had doubt I did it again....

I swear, that with my last breath I will always be there for my kids - I wont allow them to be lost in the system and if that means pulling them out of the system then so be it!!! Their needs are paramount!!!!!

So Frustrated!!!!

with the school my kids are currently attending. I can't really put too much here because apparently kids in my children's classes like to google names and comment to my kids about things in this blog (which is absolutely disgusting that they can be on computers with no supervision and that can be allowed!!!)

Anyways I mentioned here before that Kahli's had issues at school with bullies etc etc. It mostly stems back to when she was in grade 2 and a senior teacher (who was also her class teacher) told her that she deserved to be bullied because she had called a long term bully a bad name... I can pinpoint from that day that her character and self esteem fell through the floor and I've been dealing with a child who has lost faith in authority figures at school, she has been buying friends and has other social issues.

Anyways we had issues at this new school earlier this year when a girl moved to this school and started bullying Kahli. I had a few conversations with her teacher and the counselor who told me that we would have open communication and that the matter was being dealt with and if anything further was to arise I would be notified. Said counselor also had conversations to me about possible aspergers/autism investigations that could be initiated (only to be told now that this can't be done within the school...)

Roll on last week... I get a call from the teacher saying there are issues in the school again with my daughter. It's all revolving around bullying etc again.. and apparently has been going on for some time... I can't believe that my daughter has been so down she's been dissolving into tears at school and I've not been notified!!! I'm really mad that this teacher seems to take it upon herself to be making decisions such as what to do with my daughter in these situations and not letting me in on the whole thing!!! I had NO IDEA this was happening!!! Kahli was coming home, telling me school was fine... aside from a few times when she said she'd been bullied to which i told her she had to speak to her teacher - assuming if it was a real case of bullying that the teacher would notify me... And on top of that there has been a change in school counselor (apparently it was mentioned in a school notice) so anything that was said with the previous counselor was hearsay as it seems nothing was handed over. I've never spoken to this new counselor even though apparently she has been working my daughter!!!!

I feel so bad about putting y daughter into a situation where she was telling someone in authority that she was being bullied and I feel that the follow up on this was less than acceptable. At least in the communication back to us - I thought she was exaggerating or making it up as I heard nothing - to find out that your daughter has been in tears on numerous times over more than a 10 week period is soul shattering... to know I put my faith in the teachers to deal with this top have this faith spat on, chewed up and trampled on.....

Anyways, after a less than cordial phone call last week I called a meeting with the school counselor, teacher and the principal... Said meeting left me feeling rather hollow... I feel we were heard but it call came back to up having to put faith back in the teacher and staff to communicate with us. Not a good feeling at all when they've already breached that faith! On top of that to have myself questioned as to why they've "not seen hide nor hair" of me in Kahli's classroom to supervise if she was having issues (that I knew nothing about because they didn't communicate) was just insult to injury - and the teacher refused to apologise for that statement...

So roll on to the afternoon of the meeting, we discover that some things had gone missing in the classroom... Kahli owned up to taking some things and admitted she had an issue with stealing - great that she stood up and said this... but I have to ask myself was she saying that because she thought it was the thing to say or does she really believe that... Kahli has got a strong tendency to give answers to what she thinks is the right thing to say at the time, no necessarily what she is thinking or feeling... So she does a scout around her room and returns what she can find was taken.. Now today I get a letter saying there are some more things she needs to recover - one of them being a pen lid!! I mean WTF!?!?!?! (sorry, I don't swear but I'm really stumped, confused, frustrated and bordering on angry with this)

Oh and as for today - why am I so frustrated?? Well remember how we needed to have faith in the communication improving at the school... well I got a phone call this afternoon saying that Kahli was caught with money. I've told the school that my children do not go to school with money, they do not have access to school lunches etc mostly for allergy risks... Anyway the principal calls me to say Kahli was caught with $10, that she had gone to the front office to have changed into 2 x $5 notes... and she gave one of the $5 to a girl in the school. I was questioned as to if she had taken the money from home, I had no idea if Nathan had taken money from the bank this morning so couldn't be certain. Anyways I get told that Kahli insists that she found it on the way to school. I dropped her off at school so that sounded a bit dodge. The principal thinks she is lying because her story has changed a few times - from her not telling the front office she found it to her telling the principal (or could have been teacher) that she told the front office she found it and they told her to keep it....

The call was left with the conclusion Kahli has possible stolen the money from home or somewhere else. I was left with the strong feeling that the school believed she had stolen it as I was told I needed to talk to Kahli and discuss the stealing of money with her. Which I did the minute I picked her up from school. She insisted she found it on the road, I said she had to be lying as I dropped her off at school. After the conversation with the principal it was the only conclusion possible that the money had been stolen... enter William. William and Kahli ran into school together - I sat in the car and watched then run around the school gym until I could see them no more... Williams answer to my question had me concerned. He said she found it as well. He said she saw her pick the $10 up...

I based my judgment on the situation on previous experience with Kahli taking stuff and what the principal said and told them they must both be lying to me now... I was going to take privileges off them both and told them how disappointed I was with them... All the time both proclaiming their innocence....

We get home, I ask Kahli for her homework diary as I know she hasn't been handing it to me and apparently there was a note in it from her teacher for a few days ago... Imagine my absolute horror when I read the teacher has written in it under todays date stating

"the front office staff have led me to believe that Kahli did find the $10. It was probably lost by a JP student......"

I can't believe that this was not made knowing to me in a phone call prior to the end of the school day!!! I am shattered that I've chastised not only Kahli but also William who was totally innocent over the situation. I'm shattered that they have put me in a situation again where I was not kept in the loop and notified of the discoveries that they had made - considering I'd been left being told to discuss with Nathan when he came home from work tonight as to if he had money missing from his wallet!!!!

And before anyone jump to the defense of the teacher saying that she was teaching a class and not able to leave to tell me this over the phone - she had been to the front office to discuss this as she stated in the same letter that the issue was now that Kahli hadn't told staff that the money was found.. not hers - confirmed by office staff - someone SHOULD have notified me to this!!!!

I feel my faith and trust has been trampled all over again... it might not have been by much, but it was enough that I've now chastised my children when it wasn't necessary...

I feel that Kahli deserves an apology over the accusations that she stole the money.

I feel that no matter what she does now Kahli is going to be pegged for everything - I mean she was telling the truth, she was not believed so now their complaint is that she didn't tell them she found the money - I know she should have, I'm not saying she's innocent, I just feel that no matter what now that they're going to find something she's done wrong within a situation....

I have made one decision - that is that I am going to get her a counselor/psych outside of the school to talk to... Someone who is impartial, someone who can see my daughter with fresh eyes and work on what is happening, not allow things that have happened to school and personal clashes get in the way...

I'm going to do my best to protect my daughter and ensure she is mentally healthy and can move on from these accusations and if she has got a problem to get help with that... Because I for one have absolutely NO faith in this schools processes and this teacher any longer....

My, My, My....

We were sitting in our bubble of contentedness, believing all was right with the world only to find out that behind the scenes things were happening that we had not been advised of...

This is all to do with a school issue, let's just say that I'm not a happy mumma bear at the moment....

I'm no pushover and will fight to be a voice for my children come hell or high water!!!!

Want to take me on?? Well be warned - I fight to the end, I stand up for what is right and if you want to make accusations you'd want to be pretty sure with your evidence or it'll be ripped to shreds!!!!

Mumma bears have claws - and I' not afraid to use them or my growl!!!!!

As a parent our most important role is to be our childrens voice... When they can't speak for themselves we do the talking for them... We shield them from dangers, educate and nurture... My children will grow up knowing that their mumma always had their back - right or wrong they had support and love all the way... NO ONE steps on my babies and gets away with it!!!!!

Post It Note Tuesday: New Beginnings

I'm not ignoring this blog....

Just trying to get better!!! I've had a lovely (NOT) cold that has traveled all over my upper respiratory tract - and labeled a virus so it's been a case of suffer, rest and get over it... AKA "toughen up princess" ;)

I've a bit to update here.. I really need to do an update on Dommy especially - things are a moving and shaking there... and he's growing up **sob** I'm hoping to be back up and ready and rearing to go early this week :) Here's hoping!!!

The Chipmunk Effect

I think most people have suffered from this at one time in their life. It's the puffy cheek syndrome that happens when you've been blowing up balloons for too long; or when you've been blowing up balloons by mouth that should have been blows up by pump. My case today is from the latter...

Yesterday afternoon Dommy came running to me saying "b'loo, b'loo" (interpretation - "balloon, balloon") Domenik loves anything round that can be thrown, kicked, hit, slobbered on or just anytghing round ROFL He's a true boy and Ball has to be one of his favourite words!! I'm expecting him to turn to me one day when down the street and a guy walks past with a shiny round head and him to point to said shiny head and yell "ball" - just to embarrass his mummy of course ROFL

Anyhoos, he brings me these pieces of rubber - they were left overs from Kahli's party. So what's wrong with that I can hear you ask - why would blowing up 1-2 balloons leave me with Chipmunk Syndrome? Simply because they are the ones that are designed to be formed into shapes!!! These pieces of rubber are just long strips of torture if you don't have a pump to blow them up with!!! I couldn't get them blown up - I tried, I blew, I stretched, I puffed - I even tried to hide them and replace with normal balloons (which hide in my wardrobe for such emergencies) but Dommy wasn't fooled - he wanted these long skinny rubber torture things come hell or high water!!!

nope, I couldn't even get this far for him!!!

I think I spent close to 30 minutes working on these things before he spotted something else that took his attention - yep it was a ball!!! Augh!!! I really felt it last night in my cheeks... Everytime I smiles I really felt like wincing "ouch"! I felt my cheeks had done a full on workout just by bowing up balloons!!! As my friend Vicki said, if they worked on the whole body we would do it all the time, but nopes, they worked only my cheek muscles :(

And still this morning I have that "cheeks stuffed with cotton wool" feeling. I walk past a mirror and have a quick glance and expect to see huge puffy round balls sticking out the side of my face, but nope, they still look normal - but boy they don't feel it!!! It's kinda like a numb feeling that when you smile turns into a red hot burning sensation augh! So whilst you're there smiling and laughing at my chipmunk syndrome know that I'm here, not able to crack a smile even at myself - but tomorrow - that's another day... I'll be scouring everyone's blogs looking for stuff to laugh at because from previous experiences my chipmunk syndrome should be healed by then... well, that's until Dommy finds another balloon like these!!! I'll never learn and can't resist his huge pleading brown eyes - such a sucker!! LOL

C'mon, who can resist this tear stained,
dirt encrusted gorgeous little face.....

Post It Note Tuesday: Rambling...

Welcome to my second attempt at Post It Note Tuesday!!!!