Little Tassie Terrors

A Long Time Between Drinks....

2012-01-31T17:20:00.005+11:00

And I have thought frequently that I should update here, but time gets away from me.. or is that simply procrastination winning out over productivity???

Anyhoos, a lot has happened - the biggest thing is my baby girl is growing up!!! How and where the time has gone to I really don't know... she's 6 months old next week!! Our little Aerynn is now crawling - yes CRAWLING!!! She started commando crawling around a month ago and it has evolved into "leave me on the floor and Im'a gonna chase you" on hands and knees!!! She's also sitting unaided, cut her first tooth and saying "dadadadadadadadada" So much growth and progression in pretty much 2 weeks!!!

Miss Aerynn
5 months old

There are a few little concerns with our little miss... We still have a struggle with her weight. She's currently making her own growth chart line under the 3%ile mark on the WHO charts and we have monthly check ins to keep it under control. It also appears she has allergies :( We have had a reaction to chicken and I assume shellfish (she came up in a few welts while I was eating some prawns and scallops and holding her - had to be via touch) and I suspect egg due to a reaction after I had an egg sandwich. This is making me EXTREMELY nervous about starting her on solids next week - so nervous I've not even purchased any feeding implements or a high chair. The thought of giving her food is leaving me feeling cold, dead cold.. I don't want to give her any but I know she is ready and needs it soon... The thought we may have to go through something similar to what we had with Williams FPIES is terrifying :( I know I have to face it and will be looking at highchairs this week **eeeek** I can't delay it much longer so guessing biting the bullet and just doing it is what I have to do...

Aerynn and Poppy
"I Love you THIS much poppy!!!"
mum and dad came to visit for 10 days over the new year

As per usual, I've sat down to surf the net, catch up on blogging (hahaha) etc and I've been summoned to Aerynn's bedside.. mummy duties come first ;) I'll try to get back more frequently, especially now the older kidlets are back at school - which reminds me... Updated photos!!!! (I can do that while feeding at least ;) LOL

First Day at School 2012
"Hurry Up Mum!!!!"

The Proper First Day Back at School 2012
William - year 5 Compton
Kahli - year 7 Compton
Aleks - year 8 Mount High

Dommy "Riding those {Imaginary} Waves"
Playground at Port McDonnell
**This photo has been entered into the Harvey Norman
Photo comp for "best baby/child moment"**

6 Weeks...

2011-09-20T14:25:00.004+10:00

It's been 6 weeks since our littelest princess came into the world :) And she's been a pure and utter delight each and every day of her short life so far :) She has wrapped everyone around her little finger and weaved a spell of blissful harmony over the household...

Aerynn
6 weeks old

So what should I do to help commemorate this special age where our little one moves on from being known as a newborn and becomes our very special infant?? Take photo's of course!!! Well the pics were taken approximately 12 hours before she technically 'turned' 6 weeks old, but close enough... she didn't change any in that time ;)

Safe in Daddy's Hands

She is still sooo perfectly tiny!! I have only just packed up her 00000 clothes and moved her exclusively into 0000 - even though most of them are still a little bit too big...

Don't Let Me Go Daddy

Birth ~ Weight: 2980g
~ Length: 48cm
~ Head Circ: 33.5cm

6 Weeks ~ Weight 3500g
~ Length: 51cm
~ Head Circ: ***

My (not so) Little Family :)

2011-09-11T15:17:00.003+10:00

Aerynn is 5 weeks old tomorrow... Where has the time gone?!?!?! In that time she has wrapped everyone around her little fingers :) She is a real delight! We've had smiles already and she has the most amazing head control already!! She surpassed the 3kilo mark last week which was a great day as it also meant she had reached her birth weight again - there was a little concern about her being slow to gain, but hopefully that is behind us now. Then this week she came down with a good old dose of gastro :( We got through 3 days of upset tummy's and 2 days later here she is down with a cold :( It's been a tough week, but she's still smiling in-between temperature spikes and the tears, I think we have a little fighter on our hands here :)

Yesterday I FINALLY got myself organised and had a 10 minute window in which to snap some photo's of all the kids together! I keep kicking myself that we don't have any from when Aerynn was firstborn though :( I do have individual ones of the kids with her, but not a group photo. I also still have to get hand and foot prints. It's something I've meant to do with ALL 5 of ours children but still yet to get any!!! I know totally slack :( I WILL rectify that with Aerynn though... one of them will have some prints at least!!!

So for these photo's... They're not the sharpest in focus, Dommy needed bribing with a biscuit which he happily crumbed all over everyone LOL and Aleks was in a "funny" mood and kept pulling faces (so did William to a lesser extent Augh - boys!!!) but here they are, My Little Tassie Terrors + 1 South Australian Beauty <3 <3 <3

She's Here!!!

2011-08-30T01:38:00.001+10:00

Yeah a long time between posts I know **blush** But we can now celebrate that our little baby girl is earthside!!!!

Aerynn Paige Nalani Bricknell was born on her due date at home, in water and with no complications at all. She is absolutely perfect in every way imaginable <3 yes we are totally besotted by our littlest princess :) As for stats, she was 48cm long and weighed in a HUGE (not) 2890g (6lb5oz) I've lots of photo's (that should come as no suprise!!!) but here's a few just to share...

12 hours old

14 hours old
with littlest big brother Domenik

13 Days Old
playing (un)dress-ups

13 days old

As soon as I can I will post up her birth story...

Back to Square 1, maybe 2....

2011-06-21T13:11:00.006+10:00

I'm livid at the moment.. ABSOLUTELY LIVID!!!!

It may not be much to others but we have been working towards getting Dommy's Metatarsus Adductus and Clubbing of his feet corrected in a way that would avoid long term multiple surgeries and pain - and we were winning the battle! We got his feet to a situation where they were straight, they were no longer rigidly stuck in a deformed position and he was able to wear shoes designed for regular children...

Now, after being promised that there were physio's here in Mt Gambier who knew how to continue the treatment and continue to correct his feet we discover there is NONE!!! No one!!! The one who said she could and would was reading information off the internet before his appointments to see what she was meant to be doing!!! She admitted this to us, that she knew nothing of the Ponseti method of treatment for clubbing and Metatarsus adductus!!!

The curving of the feet show
Domeniks Mettartarsus Adductus, January 2010

"they" (being the physio and podiatry department of the local hospital) decided that he was beyond their training and that his feet were reverting to rigid and tightening into a boomerang shape again and he needed to be referred to the Royal Womens and Childrens Hospital in Adelaide... This decision was made almost 8 months ago!!!

His toes should NOT be pointing this way
while he is standing,

...also there is a 'roll' on his ankles
from the mild clubbing - this became more
obvious as he grew. January 13, 2010

We have been told several times that referrals had been sent. I have followed up myself with the hospital in Adelaide several times after being assured they were sent and they reported they have not received them. Now let me get this straight so you can get a sense of my frustration. Referrals have APPARENTLY been sent regarding this by the physio department - twice, the paediatrician - twice and the podiatrist - once... That makes (if they are telling me truth) 5 referrals that were sent regarding Domeniks feet to this hospital - so why are they not getting there??? Why have we not heard anything?!?!?!!

I found out why today....

THEY DIDN'T SEND THEM!!!!! Not just that, but apparently they CAN'T send a referral for him!!! It's taken all this time for them to bloody well work that all out (yeps, just a little bit mad and incredulous here at the mo) Apparently the only persons who can refer Domenik through is a GP via a special online form or an ortho surgeon!!!

I'm disgusted with their misrepresentation of the situation and hoping against hope that these further delays in getting treatment wont result in the multiple surgeries that we have been trying to avoid! It was bad enough to begin with that we were constantly told he would grow out of it... The relief we had when he was responding to the treatment when we were warned that he may not as he was an "older" starter to Ponseti... And now this...

Domenik hated his casts as he couldn't walk in them,
but he would always smile throughout his treatments...
January 21, 2010

The ability to walk, run and jump without pain or distress is something that we all take for granted... It is something I wanted my baby boy to experience and be able to take advantage of... Now I'm not so sure about it... I know for myself that my foot has never been the same after I broke it and it required surgery. It has numb spots and can tell me when the cold winters rains are on their way and to be frank at times it downright aches! Something it never did before it required surgery... I really don't want any of my kids to have to feel that pain and we were getting there with Domenik! We were actually able to start to believe that he wouldn;t require surgery!!! Now, well the podiatrist here has already said that he will be too old to go back into AFO's and boot and bar from scratch and that we're looking at multiple surgeries as he grows to loosen tendons to stop his feet from curling at the very least, as well as a lifetime of special footwear and orthotics... I know it's not the be all and end all, if this happens it happens we can't stop it and will have to comply as there are no other choices now...

We had many nights of broken sleep,
cramping and frustration with his
boots and bar, but they did their job!
February 17, 2010

It just breaks my heart that my boy may now be subject to these operations we'd been trying to avoid and succeeding at all because of the stupid physio department here at the local hospital and how they have mis-represented themselves to us... IF they were honest and told us from the outset they could not deal with this the Burnie hospital would have referred Domenik to the Royal Womens and Childrens... now they can't and we're over 12 months behind with his treatment...

This was his beautiful straight foot after
coming out of the 5th casting Feb 11, 2010
We moved to Mt Gambier 2 months later,
"they" stopped ALL his treatment within months
of moving here...

His feet had reverted back to their 'boomerang'
shape within 3 months of moving here :(

Now try and tell me that I shouldn't be upset for my little boy....

2011 - My Year...

2011-06-12T17:40:00.002+10:00

This year was always intended to be a year of growth and finding myself, and in some weird way it really is turning out to be just that. We're halfway through the year (Already!?!?!) and I'm starting to see that the pains I've been going through are in their own ways 'growing pains'

I'm learning to stand on my own two feet more, and to hell with the consequences. By that I mean that I'm learning to be true to myself. Not to allow others to influence what I do, think and become. Too many times in the past 3 years I look back and realise that i was doing everything to please others and so little to enrich my own life and learning...

I'm learning to pick those who say that they are there for me no matter what, and those that really are. It's so easy for people to say that they support you and will be there for you, but when the pressure is on they crumble. Pressure meaning bad times, negative thoughts, not agreeing etc etc... Pressure doesn't have to mean full on red alarm bells, but even the simple act of not being available for someone else because I have had to priorotise my family instead.. that kind of thing. It's amazing for me to look back and see how when I was the 'yes' person I had people wanting me to do things etc for them, but the minute I had to step back and prioritise myself and my family they faded into the wind or found something about me they didn't like - They're loss ;)

Yes, I know these are HUGE lessons to learn. And as much as these lessons have brought me pain and meant that I've said goodbye to people who I thought were friends or at least good acquaintances, it means that I'm growing - and I guess out-growing these people who have different priorities and beliefs to me. Ultimately I don't care that they have different beliefs, priorities etc at all, we can all get along quite fine and I'm happy to work with that, but they obviously still need 'yes people' around them and I'm not willing to compromise myself like that anymore.. I think that means that I'm quite possibly starting to open my eyes to the world and in a sense grow up :) Finally hehehe

But even with all that learning, growing etc I know that there are still LOTS of things for me to learn and start to change in myself... One of these is being open and willing to accept help. I'm getting pretty good at standing on my own two feet (although I can get the wobbles from time to time) but I've never been good at accepting help... A little bit of that is to do with the fact I've been burnt so many times before by people who have meant to have been there for me meaning that I have lost the innocent ability to trust. I really really need to start working on that... I've always been the person that is there for others no matter what, It's time I started allowing others to be there for me.. of course it would help if I had others in my life who would want to be there LOL All in good time ;) Maybe before I find decent friends and start to build proper friendships where I wont get burnt I need to learn to be a friend to myself first... I've heard that many times before but never felt it applied to me... maybe it's time I stopped and MADE it apply to me for a change!!! Learning to be a friend to myself, trust what I am feeling and doing first, then branch that out to others around me...

I really do need to stop looking at the world as a place where I have to be doing something for other people, have to be there for them and start being there for me... I wonder if that is the biggest lesson I will have to learn this year.. if it is I hope it comes with lots of rewards, because to be quite honest I think it's about time these pains started reaping their benefits - there's only so much a gal can take

Got to Love "Options"

2011-06-10T13:05:00.003+10:00

I'm going to say something here that not many people are brave enough to admit to... Something that I've been fighting for the last few days but I can't keep fighting it any more...

I'm Scared.

There, I'm scared - two words that have been bothering me the last few days in particular.

Why am I scared? Because I have doors closing behind me, options are removed and I feel I'm walking a very very lonely path as I see people scuttle to run away and watch what they percieve is a train wreck waiting to happen...

Well I can't allow a train wreck to happen at all. I have to make things work, and have no choice now but to trust myself and allow my body to do what it is made to do - that is bring my baby earthside safely.

It's not Aerynns birth that has be scared though - not at all! I've done it 4 times previously, drug free and reasonably intervention free (thinking Aleks being the one with most intervention due to inducing) Her birth doesn't phase me one bit... It's the "what if's"

The biggest "what is" is our transfer plan. The hospital will allow Aerynn to be born there, that's all ok... but I was told on Wednesday that once I am at the hospital for her birth that I will have no say in my treatment, options or what happens. I can refuse procedures all I want apparently but the Dr said shrugging that "you will have no say in it" It didn't really 'click' with what he was saying at the time... it only dawned on me yesterday...

Where is a persons rights in this kind of situation? I know logically that they can't lay a hand on me without permission, but I know they do and have done here and I'm terrorfied that if we do have to transfer for whatever reason that they will do this!!! I have nothing to back me up or support me in believing that they wont! I don't trust them, I can't trust them with that... The thought of a stranger touching me when I am most vulnerable is scaring me. The thought that I will have no voice, no say in what is happening makes me feel sick to my core...

So yes, I'm scared. On so many different levels... There is NO WAY that I could front up to this hospital and have my baby there, and the only other choice is a homebirth for which I have seen people run as fast away from me as they can as soon as it was something we were considering. I thought I had a great and strong network of friends and support, even though some lived interstate... But the minute I didn't agree with what they believed in they went running away... Great support network hey... Now it's just me, DH and a few others scattered around... I know my parents will be here late July to help out... But the fact that there seems to be no one that I can turn to IRL is hurting me at the moment... I guess I trusted too soon, too deep and too willingly again and am paying the price... I'm not afraid of a homebirth, it is right for us and this situation. It is natural, gentle and not full of voodoo as people seem to want to believe. It is not dangerous, it is the way babies have been brought into this world for generations upon generations before us... There is no way you would be reading this post if it wasn't for your ancestors being home birthed!!! I still struggle to believe that I've lost acquaintances (they weren't friends as I thought as a friend would support you no matter what) because of our choice to homebirth and do things out of the 'norm'. That people have no concept of what we have gone through to even get to this stage with Aerynnn or even our other children!!!

People take for granted that they have friends and family around that can do stuff for them on a daily basis, something as simple as to give them a break... I don't have that luxury, so if I happen to vent or whine too much online there's a reason for it - it's the only place where I can have any meaningful contact with other people... If you don't agree with what I have to do or things happening in my life, don't cut me off - I don't make decisions on the fly, if you stay around long enough you'd know that about me. I research and research and look for alternatives that suit our situation... it may not be what you would do but it is right for me and my family, please allow us that respect! For those who have already turned their backs on me, I guess that shows more about the person you are than anything about me... take off your shoes and try to walk a mile in mine, it's not as simple as you think!

Right now I think I need to try and digest what has happened this week a little more... I don't know where we will stand if we need to transfer Aerynns arrival... I really don't know... The interventions they are talking about can mean a lifetime of physical pain for me - something that isn't easy to consider, let alone the psychological scars that may be left as well... Just imagine how you would feel if you were told that you had no choice but to allow strangers to poke, stick touch you anywhere in your body - including those that have been previously abused... you imagining it is no where near what it would be like living it which is something I now have to consider....

the Good Life :)

2011-06-06T15:23:00.005+10:00

Ahhh yeps, smell the fresh air, feel the chill in your fingers, feel the rain on your face, smell the cow dung over the fence.... Whaat?!?!!

Yeps, you heard me right, cow dung... Well over the fence at the kids school that is LOL The Upper Primary class have adopted 2 calves for 6 weeks while they do a "cows are careers" (or something similar to that!!!) course in their class. Aleks being School Captain has had a prominant role in caring for one of the calves (Crumble) and Kahli has had a turn with them as well :) Last weekend we had the pleasure of being the rostered Sunday Morning Feed family... So we rolled out of beds at 7am **yawn** and went off to the school to make sure the calves were being fed by their 8am **yawn, yawn** feedtime....

It was chilly, but the sun was out, there was no rain last weekend (but yesterday when Aleks and Nathan went out to do the evening feed there was - bahaha I got to stay home in front of the fire hehehhhee) and yes, there was a pong LOL Cows babies are like human babies and poop wherever and whenever the urge takes them... lovely ;)

Of course I couldn;t let a photo opportunity go to waste.. so I've documented the mornings feed so the kids can remember one day that they did feed calves, they have had a taste of the realities of living in the country ;)

Mixing the Artificial Feed

Filling the milk bottles - quite literally BTW ;) 2 litre ones each!!!

Ahhh feed time!!!!

Even William had a go!!!

Dom meet Brandy

Brandy "kiss" Dom hehehe
Dommy ran away saying "cows 'ick" after that...
we're not sure if it was meant to be 'lick' or really 'ick LOL

Even Nathan had a tough time evading Brandy's long and slobbery tongue!!!

Aerynn

2011-05-31T21:06:00.003+10:00

Our Beautiful Baby Girl.....

Only 10 weeks left until she is due to be in our arms :)

There Comes a Time In Life...

2011-05-30T17:23:00.002+10:00

Where you know that enough is enough. When no matter what you do you will never be what others want you to be and that you will never meet with their approval - and that time for me has been reached this last 24 hours.

I knew there was friction, I knew I wasn't liked, I knew that despite my best efforts that there was nothing I could do that would break the ice and allow any decent relationship between certain family members and myself. I know I've done nothing wrong, other than be myself, work hard at keeping my family together, safe and happy... I know that I've bent over backwards, ignored the snide comments, the rolling eyes the lies and twisted truths that were being spread around.... But the time has come where I can ignore all that no longer.

The time has come to start pruning our family tree for the health of our family... Our children do not need to be exposed to the diseased branches that want to do nothing other than cause us pain... pain that my children are now picking up on and it's not fair to them - they've done nothing to deserve this!

When one makes a light hearted joke about something that was said that is then twisted into lies and insults by those who live in their ivory towers it's time to call it a day and realise that if they wish to carry on like that they can, it's not for me to fight this battle any longer.... 14 years of fighting is enough, I should have come to this realisation earlier but for the sake of keeping communication open and in the hope that one day a relationship could be built I persisted - I guess my patience does have a limit after all!!!

So from here on in the branches are trimmed. There will always be avenue for regrowth if there is a level of maturity shown, but until then I guess we stand alone, tall and proud that we know we've done out utmost to make things work... sometimes you just need to get out the saw and weedkiller for the sake of general maintenance!!

You want to give me a label?? Then go ahead - make my day :)

2011-04-23T10:32:00.003+10:00

Things are certainly starting to get serious here, I've been working on our budgets and semi-freaked when I realised Nathan gets 3 more paydays before Aerynns due and I have 7 now - eeeekkk!!! That makes the time between now and meeting our littlest girl seem sooooo small - it's racing up on us!!!! And to be honest the tingles of excitement have returned and I'm so looking forward to meeting our squirmy little kicker :)

I'm feeling very reassured now that I've had an opportunity to take with several like minded people about the prospects on how we will be welcoming Aerynn into our family and the situation with hospitals, interventions and transfers here in this part of the state. When you live in big cities or are familiar with a certain area's processes and protocols it would be so easy to sit back and feel confident that you know what to do and that your point of view is right; but we're not familiar with anything around here, it is all foreign to us and the more that we look into things the more alarmed we were becoming at the prospects put before us. Especially in light of the lack of interest in our past experiences etc... This is something that I've never come across before, and is extremely concerning to be treated like a number and brushed aside because you're not known by anyone.

But now, I've had a whole world of options open up to me and it's stirred previous memories and dreams that I had repressed because it wasn't possible in Tasmania. I've re-discovered what made me so passionate about having a family, getting back to the roots of everything that I am. I remembered where and why I became interested in alternatives to modern medicine and common social practices...

These are things that helped us get through difficult times when no one knew what they were dealing with when William was sick, they were avenues I had investigated when I was given the ultimatum at 17 years olf to get pregnant in 3 months or have a hysterectomy - they are things that gave me a reason to continue fighting, questioning etc etc... Things that apparently gave me a 'label' of not running with the social norms...

So what am I re-discovering? Mostly that I'm NOT alone. I'm not the only one who has come up against the obstacles we have been confronted with. I am discovering that there are people out there who are just as passionate about the same things that I am, the things that I was mocked for and made others consider me 'weird' back when I was a late teen... I never identified myself as a hippy etc, but to look into the evolution of medicine and how things were done before we had magical 'gods' in society called doctors is really amazing!

So why shouldn't we start to question things more? Why do we put blind faith in scientists and modern discoveries? How many times do we hear of product recalls, drugs that have been taken off the market all because things aren't what they were originally thought they were to be? Why is it just the 'done thing' that we follow all these new developments like sheep, partake in them blindly trusting that things will be ok because we were told they would be? Since when did it become the norm to let other people take responsibility of our lives? I mean, we put a drug into our body and we develop a nasty side effect in time, who should take responsibility? The person who manufactured the drug or the blind sheep who put it in their body blindly trusting the manufacturers recommendations?

And a lot of people now days are unknowingly returning to those older treatments and processes without realising what they are doing - think day-spas with their aromatherapy, mud, heat and water treatments, then there's those super expensive and exclusive retreats with massage, meditation, whole foods... And what about the wheat-grass drinks, detox, cleansing diets with all the extra natural elements being introduced?? I mean not even going that far, how about household products that are now incorporating natural cleansers, aroma's, natural colourings etc So many things are starting to turn their back on so called modern 'advancements' and returning to a place less chemical, more natural...

I guess this ramble that I'm typing as it comes into my head is simply asking when did we stop taking responsibility of our own decisions and blindly do what society or the people who society looks up to tell us to do? When does personal responsibility start??

I could be labeled weird, or alternative... people might shake their heads and wonder what I'm thinking; but at least I know that I am taking responsibility for my own path in life. It is there because it is my decision to go down that path, not because it is the done thing or it's what everyone else does. I'm doing and planning my future because I am confident that I have researched options, outcomes and can stand by my decision... how many others can honestly say that? If that makes me weird, alternative, hippy etc then so be it! I will proudly wear that label if you want to pin it on my chest - because for me that label translates that I've broken away from the flock, I'm no longer acting blindly like a sheep and that I've taken responsibility for myself and my path in life... I wonder how many out there can truly pin that label upon themselves???

Meet Aerynn

2011-04-20T10:02:00.006+10:00

With everything that has happened this past month I neglected to finish this post regarding our morph scan!!! the best news is that everything is looking AOK :) and we've had confirmation (if you've not guessed by now) that we have a little baby girl on board :) We WILL still be having a 28/30 week 3d scan to confirm this so we can be prepared if the first results were wrong and we need a minor op organised - BUT it was pretty obvious in the end that there was 3 lines (there's explanation on lines, turtles etc HERE - warning it does have photo's of external genitalia!!!), no sign of male genitalia... still, I've heard "it's going to be a girl" before and let me just say that William somehow is not a girl LOL

Now our little princess was not as co-operative as she could have been, she refused to give us a profile shot but she did look straight down the transducer so we have a full face image, which isn't as pretty as a profile, but she has huge eyes in it ROFL

So I think most people who know us also know that we name our babies with lots of thought and meaning. Baby's full name will be...

Aerynn Paige Nalani

The meaning of which is special to us. Aerynn is an old Irish name and spelling variation meaning Hope. It's funny but I always felt there was another little girl waiting to join our family and with the losses we've experienced all we could do was hop that one day she would be strong enough to hand in there and join us - and she is!!!! We love a lot of Irish things, their music, the country etc - we had an Irish themed wedding! So it seemed to fit that we chose a name ans spelling that pertains back to this. Paige we believe sounds beautiful when teamed with Aerynn (pronounced like Erin in case you were wondering) and Nalani is a Hawaiian name meaning Heaven. We were originally going to have Neveah, however there's been a LOT of negative connotations with that name and we don't want to have any thing negative fed back on our little girl. So why a name that means or has something to do with heaven? It's simple. we've 8 little ones in heaven watching over us, and to us the fact that Aerynn is still with us is a miracle from Heaven. It's in honour of Aerynn herself, her angel siblings, our journey to be here It in a way is a reminder that all our children are little bits of heaven placed in our arms for us to love for as long as we are blessed to have them :)

So the important thing for us is that she is looking perfect :) There are no soft markers for Downs Syndrome or any other trisomy disorders, her ankles and feet at the moment are looking straight - which means there is no indication of club foot, but her feet will be monitored to ensure that metatarsus adductus does not become an issue with her. At the moment her hips and legs can't be fully evaluated but there's no obvious dislocation - she will have an ultrasound to check on the angle of her hip sockets and the ball joint a few weeks after birth, and at the moment there is no need to book the 'little op' as she does not have the appendage that will cause that problem LOL She has a great looking heart, no sign of any backflow, 2 shadows which will become more obviously kidneys as she gets bigger and a nice round stomach ready for filling with all kinds of yummyness!!! Her spine is complete, straight and looking good - and her measurements are all showing she is growing at a great rate, just under the 50th%ile and no signs of being a big bubba - just like her siblings were :)

So, a great result all around!!! We're finishing our family with a gorgeous little princess and we couldn't be more happier with the results of the scan!! Only 4 weeks until our 3d scan now which will confirm that our little princess is a little girl, and not a prince in disguise LOL And it will also check on her growth and we should have some cute pics of her cherub cheeks and some idea on who's side of the family she might take after... It's a shame we can't see what colouring she'll have... I wonder if we're getting another redhead or a blond headed bubba?? Or even a brunette??? Even though we have a lot of information about her before she arrives there is still a whole world of things to discover about our little one :)

I Never Wanted It To Be Like This...

2011-04-19T18:32:00.003+10:00

But it's almost feels like I'm being forced in this direction. Due to life circumstances I've always been very opinionated when it comes to female reproductive health - to the point of directing my studies and career path towards medicine with the view of specialising in gynaecology and obstetrics. Now, I feel like I'm on the verge of becoming a women's rights activist - not that I want to be, but simply in the act of standing up for myself, researching options and finding out more and more I can't help but feel very passionate about the fact that women's rights are being deteriorated and things that are as natural as childbirth are becoming more and more institutionalised and proceduralised...

Anyways, It seems that even labouring in water is considered 'dangerous' here in this state! unless you are of 'low risk'!! I have fought each and every negative point that has been thrown against me and more and more seem to be all but made up in an effort to make me buckle and bow to the system! Now I'm being told because I've had miscarriages I've a higher risk of a PPH - No supporting documentation, I just have to take the good doctor's word.

It really is getting to the point of ridiculous!

Every time I ask for proof, documentation etc etc I get the same time honoured spiel "research and studies" So where is this research and studies? Why when I ask for further information can it not be provided. Why? I can provide plenty to support myself. Why, then, if I have to bow to the powers to be do they not need to provide me with their evidence, with this research they use to back themselves up with??

I'm an educated woman. I know right from wrong. I will NOT put myself or my baby or ANY of my children at risk. Yet I'm just expected to sit down, shut up and do what I'm being told when every fibre of my being is screaming that it's not right in my situation. It's too risky to comply with their wishes... All too often I've seen with my own two eyes that modern medicine does NOT have all the answers. They make so many mistakes that are covered up, they are so often wrong... Why should I continue to put my trust in a system I have seen fail so many, hurt so many - temporarily as well as permanently?? Why? Why should I trust that, they have given me NOTHING to trust other than the phrase "research and studies"

Well this educated woman is going to fight for what is right for her. This educated woman knows that where there's smoke there is fire. This educated woman is NOT going to become another "yes man" for the system. This educated woman is taking control of her life, taking control of her family and taking back the rights that so many women have lost in today's society.

I am who I am

2011-04-12T19:33:00.004+10:00

I've a few posts in draft form that I have been working on of late that I don't think will ever be published on this blog. Posts which explained things that happened throughout my life, posts about research I've been doing and the pain and confusion that had set in over the previous few days. This may not be the most eloquent of posts, but you know what - I've come to the realisation (once again) that I am who I am, I don't need to explain myself or defend my decisions at all. I don't need to answer questions about my life or give everyone full details. To be honest it's no one elses business what I've been through and experienced other than my own... Some people know, not many, actually I don't even think my husband knows the full extent of things that I've experienced... and he doesn't need to know...

Anyone who REALLY knows me knows that I'm a private person in reality. There is nothing bad about this, nothing at all! All because people want to know or don't understand things about me doesn't mean that they need to or have the right to know this information. If you can't accept me with what you know about me you'll never accept me. If you don't trust me and have faith that I can make my own decisions then there's nothing I can say or do that will change that perception of me. That is not a fault in me, that is a fault in you. Quite often people question things because they have the fear or the doubt within themselves, not the person they are questioning, it's just hard for them to look inside themselves and realise this.

I'm finding that last point very obvious at times in my life such as now.

I'm in a good place right now. I'm confident in my research, my resolves and what I know I can do. I trust those around me and have faith in my plans and back-ups. My choices and decisions have nothing to do with anyone else other than me and in this case my baby. This has always been the fact. The situation where other people feel they have the right to comment and question me does not reflect upon me, but on their own doubts and lack of faith in themselves and their own capabilities if they were in my position. I have to draw on the strength and trust in myself and find those who I can rely on and in turn trust me. Anyone who knows ANYTHING about me would know how important trust is to me, and how quickly it can be lost and once lost how difficult it is to win it back...

So in saying that, I am so looking forward to welcoming our little Aerynn into this world in a warm, loving and safe environment and details of bringing her earthside are of no concern to anyone other than those I feel confident in sharing this with... This is a private thing for myself and my family... Some details will be shared openly (and there is a personal reason for this which I hope we don't require - but it is there just in case), I will continue to vent and talk to my family using the methods that suit us best and have suited us since moving interstate. For anyone who wishes to be there for us your support and understanding is welcome; any judgment, suspicions and negativity will find the door slammed shut and quick fast!!!

Apologies

2011-04-05T08:59:00.001+10:00

I've had a bit of an absence here and it has apparently raised some eyebrows so I guess it's time to come clean, time to share a little of what I've been trying to internalise of late...

I also feel the need to apologise for the fact that with all this happening this month and how I've tried to protect my family and friends from my concerns, worry etc etc that I've also apparently retreated too much and it's become painfully obvious in my lack of participation. I am sincerely sorry for this.. I've a room full of half filled projects that need final touches or the likes, and I've been unable to concentrate enough to do anything productive let alone finish them. I'm going to have to rectify that this week.

So, a little about what has been happening, it's not pretty and probably sounds like a heap of garbled gobbledy-goop... but this has been my life for at least the last month, and no matter what the outcome I need to do my best to at the very least protect my older children from the distress I've been feeling and am currently experiencing...

This last month has been a month of turmoil for me. There has been several celebrations and happy times that I've struggled with to ensure that what was going on in my life, and in my head wouldn't bring others happy times down, or at the very least let me to try and fit in and not appear to be the sad sack leaning on the back wall withdrawing from society. We've also had the joy of finding out our little Splodge is a gorgeous little princess and perfectly healthy and doing all she should be doing. We have already revealed her name (Aerynn Paige Nalani) and her siblings are very excited to meet her. But this high in particular was overshadowed by my appointment with my obstetrician the next day. I had previously been advised that the docs here in Mount Gambier would want to either induce Aerynn or ceaser her so she arrived to their schedule - this I had been kinda prepared for and had a minor panic attack and researched all my options regarding that to present to the good Dr to fight this move. What he presented me with instead has literally turned my life into a real tail spin...

Even though I have had 4 previous drug free labours, quick labours (3 hours from water breaking, 1.5 hours of contractions and super quick second stage), no intervention required labours the doctors have labelled me 'high risk' Their reason is that I am now 35, this is baby #5, I have had 8 miscarriages and I have also had 2 minor post-partum hemorrhages. These hemorrhages were due to midwife intervention and had they allowed my body to do it's job (as they had with my other 2 labours) I would not have had any intervention - as it was no intervention was required for these, they rectified themselves within an hour of my babies being born. I knew about this label a few months ago - I was shocked and felt sick that my plans for another natural, hands free, drug free, non-intervention labour were being thwarted...

So what has the obstetrician said that turned my life so upside down?? The fact that now the doctors are wanting to send me over 400KM away from my family 2 weeks before Aerynn is due, to a city I've never been to, in a city where I know no one (as in never met anyone - I know a couple of people online but that's not the same as 'knowing' them!). They want me to find my own accommodation in Adelaide, pay for it, pay for my transport, go to a hospital I've never been to, deal with midwives and obstetricians I don't know, have my baby with no support!!! My husband is struggling to get time off work as it is, to get time off for an approximate 4 weeks to be with me when Aerynn arrives is going to be impossible. He works full time - and what will happen to our other 4 children? One of whom has Aspergers and struggles with change??? There is no way that Nathan would make the trip from Mt Gambier to Adelaide in the approximate 3 hours that it takes for our babies to arrive, there is no way he can get an extended time off work with no repercussions... I simply don't know how we can make this work and keep a smile on our face and feel supported at the same time as trying to hold out family together...

So I'm in a constant state of panic at the moment. If the doctors here have their way there is no way that I would have any support person that I know for my labour. I wont have a friendly face I recognise when Aerynn is born... I will have no one for the following few days after our princess arrives... no one familiar to visit, to share their joy in person for my baby.. she will be several hours or even days old before her daddy sees her, let alone her siblings... This important bonding time will be lost :( I will be all alone in a city I am not familiar with, in a health system I am still struggling to understand etc...

Oh I know the most important thing is to have a healthy baby and mum.. I know that and I get that... I know they can induce her on a set date to fit into a schedule - however this comes with increased risks again that make my apparent 'risk factors' more risky... Having a baby is something that is natural, something to relish, enjoy (yes I enjoyed bringing my baby into the world) it is not something that should be done to schedule unless there is a medical reason that the baby needs to enter the world earlier than when they need to... Then that comes with it's own complications.... Yes we will be in a bigger hospital who can cope with these complications - but why create these issues in the first place???

I have an appointment this coming Friday with an anaethestist who will give me his answer as to if my fighting and research has paid off and I can have our baby here in Mount Gambier or if they are sending me on for whatever reason they see fit. It's times like these I love the Tassie health system - this would NOT have been happening over there!!! In fact my fertility specialist and obstetrician over there both were keen for me to have more babies because my antenatal care, labours and post natal care were so easy and uncomplicated!!!

So I've spent the month researching other options. I've been in a mad panic I guess.. trying to find something that can keep my family together as well as bring Aerynn into the world when she wants to arrive in the safest way possible... And to be honest it's not an easy thing to work towards when you're in a regional area. There are no independent midwives practicing around here, so the only choice I seem to have at the moment is to have what is called a "Freebirth" And to be honest the thought at the moment terrorfies me.

"freebirth" is where you birth your baby at home, with no assistance. There will be no one to help me if something goes wrong other than maybe a support person (my hubby) and the phone ready to dial 000. I know my previous labours haven't had complications, but that doesn't mean Aerynn's will either... I know this has been done several times and safely, I know that there is support for home-births and free-births and I've been doing my best to find that... But the reality is starting to set in about what we're facing, the risks etc... It's just sheer panic about the unknown I think coupled with the realisation at how much I was comforted by knowing if anything went wrong there was help just around the corner in the hospital... We live a 5 minute drive from the hospital at most and just around the corner from the ambulance station so in the scheme of things have help close at hand, but I've also been told that if I'm ordered to transfer the doctors can refuse to treat me unless Aerynn is already born - they can transfer me mid-labour to Adelaide!!! To be possibly forced into this position has me unable to sit still, unable to concentrate... in a state where I'm trying to control my emotions to not let on to the outside world that my plans for our new baby aren't panning out as expected...

So again I apologise. I have been trying to keep this personal situation out of the public eye. I can't have my children think anything negative about the arrival of their sister and I can't allow them to know how worried I am at the moment. This is meant to be a happy time., a time to be relaxing and enjoying middle pregnancy and baby kicking and growing etc... After Friday I'll at least know what path we're walking down with our baby and be able to concentrate rather worry about someone else making their decisions - I'll have a clearer picture and be able to focus on that... Hopefully I've been worrying for nothing, but at the very least I now know that there are alternatives, even though they're not what I planned there are ways to keep my family together... Until then I will make a more concerted effort to push my worries and fears etc aside and plug back in to everyone and life in general...

So Much To Share!!!

2011-02-14T18:08:00.003+11:00

It's been sooooo long since I've blogged here (over 2 weeks - shameful!!!) and SO much has happened!!!

Firstly and most excitedly - the kids are back at school - woohoo!!!

First Day at School 2011

They LOVE it, they have friends, they have teachers who REALLY care and are allready coming along in leaps and bounds!!! It's really a HUGE relief and so inspiring to see them wanting to go to school and thirsty for learning once again!!! It's what school should be for them at last :) And what is even more astounding for me... Aleks - yes my Aleks, aspie, shy, wall flower Aleks stood up in front of the school and gave a speech for school captain elections!!!! I can't believe that he had the courage to actually do it!!! He'd been working on his speech for a whole week prior to the elections and was so nervous - I really didn't think he would go through with it - but he did!!! 3 times over!!!! (once for each class group) But you know what is even more AMAZING - he got the role!!!!! yes you read that right

ALEKSANDIR BRICKNELL IS SCHOOL CAPTAIN!!!!!!

I never thought I would be typing (or even thinking) those words - EVER!!! Seriously, if anyone had told me that he would have got up in front of the class to voluntarily give a speech I would have scoffed at you... if you had told me that he would give a speech 3 times over to the whole school I would have told you to go check in at the laughed in your face (nicely of course)... If you had told me my boy would be school captain I would have signed you into the looney bin myself!!! I still struggle to believe it!!! It's just such a HUGE and amazing thing for him to have done - and for himself... he really has come such a long long way from the little boy we shed tears for after the psychiatrist told us his autism would worsen as he matured.... it's like he's deliberately gone out there to prove the opposite!!! To say I'm proud of him is an understatement... I don't know what the term is, but proud doesn't even cover it :)

What else has happened... Splodge is now 15 weeks along!!!! He/she has been squirming and kicking and I've been feeling a few nudges, flutters and bubbles :) I can't wait for our next scan to get an inkling if we're looking at a blue or a pink bundle - I had a really vivid dream that I was being passed a pink bundle and told her name was Aerynn a few days ago - just like the dream I had with Aleks so I'm starting to get a little hopeful of a pink bundle.. but trying not to at the same time!!!

And it was William's 10th birthday yesterday :) To think we were told by his paed that he shouldn't have made it and now look at him!!! Cheeky 10 year old!!! I've still got pics to upload (yes slack!!!) but will post some as soon as I get myself orgamanised ;)

So, yeah a LOT has been happening... Appointments (Kahli had her first session with her psych... jury is still open as to if we'll get anywhere but can only try!!!!) we're plannign for our trip to Adelaide in 2 weeks and had a rental inspection - all good ummm yeah a lot has happened..... oh I got stungded by a bee and came off worse for wear... oh what else.... I can't think at the moment so will leave it there - you'll just have to trust me, a LOT has happened, but we're all safe, we're all happy and things are REALLY looking up for us!!!! :)

Meet 'Splodge'

2011-01-28T21:48:00.004+11:00

Thankyou so much everyone for putting up with my irrational rantings the last 12 weeks - I know I'm probably coming across as the insane woman who worries about everything... I've no excuse really - I just knew that this was it - there was no trying again, no way I was going to continue to hold my emotions out to dry if 'splodge' didn't hang in there...

We've got 8 little babies already in heaven. Yes I do believe that from conception they are life - so they are beautiful beings in heaven now watching over their earthly siblings. There was no way that I could continue with the heartbreak of saying goodbye to another baby that we didn't get to meet. As it is Nathan wants 6 kids in total.. I can't agree to that - I'm not in the position to do that any more. 'Splodge' will definitely be the crowning glory to our family. 'Splodge' is it - and I'm completely at peace with that decision.

So todays scan went great - I know I was sooo worried... to the point I was making myself feel so ill this morning!!! I was certain I was going to walk away with bad news. But 5 seconds after putting the transducer to my belly the technician turned the screen to me and said "here is your baby and here is it's heartbeat" Much more beautiful words than "I'm sorry" :) And yes, I blubbered - not much, just a little... I think the joy will hit me later... We had a NT measurement of 1.6mm (not certain what the bloods are - they will be back in a week or so) and a little nose is present so that's all good... We also have 2 legs, 2 arms, a stomach (important for bricknell kids ROFL) a brain a great heartbeat and the hiccups LOL

This evening since the scan I've been in a state of numbness... I don't know if to cry, scream, jump up and down etc etc.. I feel elated but not sure how to let these emotions I've been bottling the last 12 weeks (really 18 months) out... It's a weird place to be.... I don't even feel like I can go to a baby store and tempt myself with their gorgeous baby delights - I feel kind of like I'm jinxing myself... as though it's not really real..... That probably sounds really weird!! I know the numbness will wear off... It's going to take some time to break down the wall that I've built around my emotions - considering we've had 2 missed miscarriages within the last 18 months I think I was entitaled to have a wall up to protect me... Now we've had great news I have to start dismantling that wall and allow myself to relax and be happy and enjoy being pregnant for one last time - it WILL be the last time and I want to enjoy it, remember it all.. I want to be happy and relax... I think we can afford that luxury now....

So without further ado, I introduce you to our little miracle....

Meet Splodge
12w4d

I'm not worried...

2011-01-27T12:04:00.002+11:00

I'm not worried... I'm not worried.... I'm not worried...

Maybe if I say it often enough I might start to believe it!!!

Tomorrow is a HUGE day for us, well in the life of Splodge it is at least. Tomorrow we will get an inkling as to if Splodge is going to hang in there for the long haul... Tomorrow is our scan that is past the 12 week mark - which means splodge (if still with us) has made it further than his siblings that we lost at a late stage.... Tomorrow we also find out if there are any markers for serious genetic disorders (which I'm honestly NOT worried about!!!) My biggest fear is walking into the scan room (I will be by myself as we also have a rental inspection on at the same time so Nathan will be escorting our lovely RE agent through the house (seriously she IS great!! Couldn't ask for better!!!) and being told there is no heart beat. I remember that feeling all too vividly from previous scans...

Those scans were at earlier stages, we'd not expected it.. After the first one and the ob telling us it was pure chance and wont happen again - and then it DID happen again... I really don't trust myself at the moment to believe anything other than those two words to be uttered "I'm sorry"

So as much as I feel internally positive all is well with splodge - I mean you have to have some kind of faith, I am terrified that I'll be hearing those two words at the same time....

I really want to curl up in a ball and sleep the next 2 days away, wake up on the weekend and be told everything is OK, nothing to worry about... But I know that's not going to happen... I've got to be awake and alert for whatever will happen... I truly hate this feeling - expecting the worst, trying not to burst into tears with the worry and fear...

I guess being busy is the best thing to do at the moment.. So I'll do just that... I'll keep busy and just not stop to think until Tomorrow is done with... I might be worried and terrified, but I wont allow my brain to stop and feel it!!!

It's been a while....

2011-01-23T21:08:00.003+11:00

Well it feels like it at least LOL My leg issue kept up for a whole week. I was able to do not much at all :( It ended up being from dehydration - no DVT here (thank goodness!!!) The theory is that I was dehydrated to the point I unbalanced the electrolytes in my body.. I needed several doses of gatorade huge quantities of water and lots of veggies and red meat to get me back to normal!!! there's been not a twinge **touch wood** for 3 days now so I'm hoping that is the last of that!!!

I had my first midwife appointment on Friday.. Everything is going well as far as we can tell... BP is really good, symptoms are all easing and no more signs of miscarriage **touch wood** I'm looking forward to this coming Friday's scan to ensure that all is really going well inside. I can now feel bubby's fundus so I know there is growth happening in there - so all good I guess so far :) I think I'm still holding back a bit 'just in case' but once we're past this scan I think we'll start to relax and enjoy the journey a little bit more :) I've still not been able to make any baby purchases.. previously we've been oohing and aahing already at this stage.. making lists etc etc but not this time - I want to know all is going well before I relax that much - I might even wait until the morphology scan in 8 weeks before we do anything like that - and hopefully we will have a hint at if we're buying pink or blue by then too!!! **fingers crossed**

What else has been happening??? Well we're in the middle of the back to school preparations. I will make the run out to Compton with the kids this Thursday to hand in their enrollment paperwork and collect their book packs - oh and of course hand over copious amounts of money for school fees ROFL Then we have all of 3 days to cover, name and decorate all their books **eeeeeekkkkkkk** It will be a child a day I think ;)

Domenik has become our little parrot - he's copying EVERYTHING we say now.. right down to him singing out "oh my God" in a song over and over this afternoon - he thought it was great to see everyone's expressions change when we realised what he was saying!! ! LOL He's also had a paed appointment this week jsut gone which has resulted in him being prescribed an epi-pen jnr for his bee sting allergy, getting a referral to the Adelaide woman's and childrens hospital for assessment for his foot (his left foot is becoming very rigid and looks like it's going to need further treatment) and both he and William also got referrals to see an allergist up there!!! The Pead was lovely - I couldn't fault her.. well except where she said that we're the most allergic family she's ever dealt with LOL It was lovely to have someone listen and understand and not question our experiences...

The other kids - well I ahve to admit it, they're growing up **sigh** Not always good, they're attitudes are growing a lot faster than their little bodies in a lot of cases!!! Sheesh are they ever!!! LOL little do they know but mummy has lots of experience with dealing with mouthy kids, and mummy has lots of privileges that they have access to that she can withhold mwahahhaa Yeps mummy is prepared to get tough and play dirty if need be ;)

I guess I should go get Dommy ready to bed right about now.. I'm feeling rather tired myself after a HUGE day at the beach yesterday with Vicki and her clan :) I'll post more about that tomorrow (all going well) after I've downloaded all the pics I took ;) For now, Aleks had a hair cut the other day and was sooo proud of his new 'surfer' hairstyle that he wanted me to take a photo to show his nanny - so I'm going to put it here too mwahahaha He's going to HATE me for this hahaha but he's growing up too quickly and one day we'll look back on these photo's in awe at how far he's come :)

Pre-Haircut
03 Jan 2011

Post Haircut
20 Jan 2011

PS: don't forget to check out my crafty blog over here - LOTS has been happening - I'm now crafting for an Australian chipboard company - Words or Whatever - WOW :)

Struggling...

2011-01-14T21:14:00.002+11:00

That's what I've been lately... Not so much in a negative way, but struggling with myself mostly. These hormonal moods haven't been helped with the tragic news of the floods that have hit the eastern side of Australia - it's a huge disaster and the stories that come out of this kind of thing are such a mix of tragedy and joy that it's hard to watch any news or read anything without ending up in tears...

The other thing I'm struggling with is a physical thing. I've been getting these horrid pains in my left leg. The doctor suspected it may be a DVT at first, but no swelling or hot spots have developed so it seems that I've upset the electrolyte balance within myself after the anti-biotics I was on gave me errrm... watery side effects (LOL TMI probably hehhee) But it apparently wiped me and dehydrated me more than I thought which has results now in almost 4 days of full on calf cramps that just don't want to be eased!!! I've never EVER had anything like it!!! At times it's rendered me in tears of pain and frustration... it's really limiting - I simply drove down town this afternoon to get some bloods taken and I didn't think I was going to make it home again!!! Down town is but a 1 km drive - we walk it regularly, but driving it rendered me in so much pain this afternoon just by using the clutch :(

I was prescribed a big dose of gatorade which helped a bit, but now I need to look at getting some magnesium and calcium supplements to go with it - I also need to keep gatorading for a little while more... All things going well I should be back to normal within a few days - I can't wait because you don't realise how much you rely on your legs until you can't use them - they really do a lot of work with little complaint most of the time!!!

Well that's my little whinge for the day.. I was meant to be out scrapping with some friends tonight but my silly leg was playing up too much so am stuck home feeling sorry for myself - sorry... Hopefully I'll be back to normal like I said very very soon :)

My Little Poser

2011-01-07T18:07:00.003+11:00

I just have a quick share...

Whilst I've been doing my photo-a-day project little Dom has been my shadow - he ADORES the camera!!! He's soooo not shy and his antics are simply adorable (well of course he's my Dommy boy hehehe)

When I did a photo of Aleksandir on day 3, Dommy was there literally pushing Aleks out of the view of the camera - seriously - huge shoves so he could take centre stage. I tried to get him to pose with Aleks - but no.. he wanted the limelight to himself.

Ok I thought - he was just being too cute and it's a one off, just a good day for him to be cheeky...

Then yesterday - I took William out the front to get a photo.. Dommy did the same thing!!! huge shoves to push William away from the camera - and then when Wil moved Dom would hunker down, pose himself (tilted head and all) and pull out a cheesy super sweet smile!!!! Oh it was too funny!!!! William decided he wanted to pose around the silver birch we have in the front yard - Once he had finished mucking around posing etc little Dommy came up behind him and started posing himself - Oh seriously - he was too cute (albeit with a super grotty saucy face left over from dinner!!!), anyone would think he was a professional model, when he heard the camera click he'd re-position himself slightly and strike a pose again!!!

Domenik the Model

Now I wonder if he's going to do the same today when I take Kahli out to get some shots of her.... Guess time will tell... but by going on previous experience Model Dommy will be striking poses all over again :)

He really does know how to grab the attention and make us all laugh :)

Back to School Preparations....

2011-01-05T11:38:00.002+11:00

Wow it's almost that time already!!!! It feels tooo soon for us because the mainland states that have 4 terms go back to school 2 weeks earlier than Tassie so we're not used to January back to school - but it explains why kmart etc have back to school sales so early in the year (we didn't understand why when living back in Tas LOL)

I personally LOVE shopping for stationery - I get totally sucked in with new pencils, paper, books etc etc :) so love this time of year ;) We've no idea what will be in the kids school book packs so are preparing for it being totally minimal so will get a full quota of stationary products (yeah!!) and whatever isn't required for school will be used at home (by me mwahaha) for homework purposes.

So making lists at the moment for a trawl around the shops later this afternoon :) Ahhh I love hopping for back to school!!! Well I love shopping for stationary for me too bahahahaha

Christmas - New Year Lull...

2010-12-29T23:30:00.002+11:00

It's that funny time of year where nothing is really happening, but so much is... Shops are closed that usually would be open and then there are others that are open that really suprise you... That week inbetween Christmas and New Year where things jsut seem to drift by in the waning excitement from Christmas onto the excitement and buildin tension in the wait for the next year to begin...

This is the lull, the little sparks of tension that I'm talking about.... Christmas excitement is widning down, but you know just around the corner is the new excitement of 2011 starting...

And 2011 is going to be a HUGE one for us!!! So many new things to experience, learn and so many more areas in which to grow and find ourselves :) This is the year we will find out feet and start making inroads into our lives in South Australia. This is a year of great positivity and energy... This is OUR YEAR!!!!!

Yes I'm excited for it to start.. I'm really excited to see this year pass and a new one start. I know in reality it's simply a date.. it's nothing major... but I'm allowing it to signify the change from our journey starting and ending to our growth and settling beginning :)

It's also the year (God willing) that we will finish our family :) Welcoming a new little one into our hearts and home :) We've already started looking at names and working out logistics etc... Our car will be enough for now, we have more than enough room in the house for another family let alone 1 more bubba LOL And we are getting onto our feet financially and emotionally to feel strong enough to have no fear about what a new one will bring in relation to any stresses on finances and emotions. We're ready for this to happen... we're strong enough for this little one to enter our lives and we're excited that they will be joining us in August :)
As I said, we've been looking into names... Our girls name we're set on - it was what Dommy was to be called - I might change the spelling back to the more original gaelic spelling - I think... I research all our childrens names to try and find the most authentic and original spellings and definitions... but I'm thinking I might swap a little on the spelling for our girls name - I think... I guess we'll see closer to the day and if we get to use a girls name!!!! Our boys name we kinda decided and settled on today... With so many boys and males on both sides of the family we're fast running out of options that will fit in with our boys names!! But we've found one and I love it!!! Now to see if I still love it in approximately 222 days time!!! LOL

Anyways, with this lull so many things have been going on and around in my head... So many thoughts and things to look forward to and excitement to try and reign in... I really feel positive about the changes and lessons we've learned in 2010 and can't wait for 2011 to roll around so we start a new year in our new home and can continue to put these lessons to good use and continue to move foward :)

Bring on 2011 - I can't wait!!!!

Happy Holidays!!!

2010-12-28T15:57:00.001+11:00

I trust everyone had a spectacular Christmas Season - whether you celebrate Christmas or not it truly is a magical time of year :) We had a different one this year being that it is our first year away from family back in Tasmania. We didn't have any traveling or commitments other than a chat on skype so we had a rather relaxing day - even all my stress about getting the Christmas lunch feast together and edible at the same time was for nothing as it all simply worked :)

It looks like we've started a new family tradition for Christmas Eve... We drove the full 5 minutes from our house to a local cherry farm and picked our own cherries to top our pavlova with. It was a great afternoon - all be it hot (the in town weather thermometer said it was 34*C!!!)

and before we knew it it was time to swap our family presents on Christmas Eve - we do this so the children aren't too overwhelmed by the big day when Santa comes and spoils them (if they've been good enough) Everyone went to bed happy and excited for our big Christmas day...

And Christmas morning arrives, children all up and out of bed oohhing and ahhing all before 5am **yawn** I remember the excitement of Christmas morning as a child myself and I love that they are sharing that little bit of magical anticipation themselves :)

and as I mentioned earlier, after a chat on skype to family it was time to eat!!! And well, I kinda prepared too much LOL But then isn't that the Christmas way?? Chicken, ham and turkey with veggies, finished off with pavlova chocolate log cake and icecream - where's the pudding?? Well even now it's still in the fridge LOL We forgot about it!!! ROFL

So I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are looking forward to 2011 as much as I am. It's going to be a great year - I just know it!!! 2010 was our year for change and 2011 is the year for us to start afresh and make a new beginning and start moving forward :)

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2011!!!!

Seasons Greetings!!!

2010-12-24T01:29:00.002+11:00

I'm being politically correct LOL Sad eh that some people can be offended by the phrase Merry Christmas - but oh well ;)

This year has so far been one hell of a ride and as much as it's been painful at times I can look back and see how far we've come and how much we've grown, learned and accomplished :) It's really been the year of the Journey this 2010 - and it's going to be a little sad to see the end of it... With Christmas merely days away it's a time for us to look back and contemplate where we have come and where we are - It's a time to be making happy memories and remembering those that have came into (and in some sad cases left) our lives.

This year has brought many joys, some sadness and a lot of unexpected growing pains but I'm so glad it's been a year that we have experienced. It really has been a time of growth and re-assessing where and who we are - and it's a starting point for us.

The end of the year has also brought us immense joy as we celebrate the fact that we will be completing our family come August of 2011 - yes we're expecting a new bundle of joy!!! He/She is doing really well with a lot of monitoring to ensure that all is progressing well. I had another scan yesterday which confirmed we have a gorgeously beautiful heartbeat at around 150bpm and a little splodge around 7 weeks and 3 days in gestation. This has been unexpected news for some as no one knew we hadn't quite finished our family yet - but here we are, and we're overjoyed that after experiencing 2 late losses in the past 12 months that it looks like this little one is hanging on and determined to join us :)

So with great joy and happiness from our house to yours :) we really do wish you all the very best of this joyous season - many laughs, hugs and in some cases happy tears :)

Make the most of this beautiful time of year... be merry, be happy and above all be safe!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

From my happy (and growing) family
xxx Treens, Nathan, Aleksandir, Kahli, William, Domenik and *splodge* xxx

Tomorrow.....

2010-12-21T12:09:00.002+11:00

tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow.... I love that song from Annie, and today I'm pretty much in a state where everything is hinging on tomorrow... Tomorrow our car is booked into vehicular hospital for repairs, tomorrow is my last payday before Christmas, tomorrow I have some more tests so I get a clearer picture on what is going on with me of late... so TOMORROW is a big day for me....

I'm praying everything will have a positive outcome - we will be back up and running with our car (the poor neglected things that hasn't been serviced etc since we moved over here **gasp**) I will get the final Christmas shopping completed and we will have happy children come Saturday and that all will be well with me and I have some definite answers!!!

So bring on tomorrow :)

It's only a day away......

Slap Cheek is in da house!!!

2010-12-16T18:56:00.002+11:00

Of all the times to get sick the car chooses this week as does Dommy!!! The car is booked into hospital next Wed - until then we're going to be taking advantage of the gorgeous South Australian weather and walking a lot (hmmm it better stay gorgeous!!! LOL) as for Dommy - he has slap cheek :(

I thought he had an allergic reaction to some of the grasses that had shot up in the warm wet weather we've had of late, but it didn't go away... He developed a lacy kind of rash on his thighs and upper arms - it's looks like a mottled sunburn that blanches when pressed... Anyhoos, yesterday he came up with bright red cheeks - they've been red for a while, but I put it down to teething or not being well with the gastro we've all had... He's also had some funky stuff happening in his nappies so I knew he was not 100%... but after Dr googling and calling nurse on call (or whatever it's called here) it appears we definitely have a case of slap cheek... And with the car out of action and he no longer being contagious it's probably not worth the walk into town and the $60 to get it confirmed by a dr either - so wait it out as best we can and take lots of piccies to embarrass him with at a later day mwahahaha ahh evil aren't I LOL

Update re School Situation....

2010-12-15T09:16:00.003+11:00

Well.... I didn't go to the school Monday morning. instead I rang the education department and asked their opinion on what to do from here. They agree with my gut feeling (that had been brewing all weekend) that going to the school would achieve nothing other than to get my blood pressure up - they hadn't taken duty of care with a long standing incident with Kahli so why would they with this situation when my children were not returning to the school??

So where do we go from here? I'm putting EVERYTHING in writing - from what Kahli has gone through to the fact the school refused to assist with getting my kids referred to the education provided psychologist (which I found out last week should have been done!!! grrr) and then to what Aleks endured on the last day of school.

The person I spoke to was disgusted themselves. There is nothing that can explain why my kids have been treated this way, and one can only assume that the school isn't used to parents wanting to be involved or standing up for their children! Regardless, my eldest two children have both been let down by the school, teachers, school counselor and principal who were meant to be there to keep them safe, not just physically but also emotionally as well. They have FAILED in their duty of care. And to top it off - the teacher that allowed the teasing and bullying of Kahli to continue was slated to be William's teacher next year!!!

So I have been writing drafts of the letter, I'm trying to keep emotions out of it and be factual as possible... it's not going to be a short letter, I will put in there about how Kahli's behaviour at times hasn't been the most exemplary - however this is still no excuse for what has been happening to her.

I doubt we'll hear anything more from the school. I will finish the letter of complaint asking for details of the outcome, but wont be holding my breath LOL. I'm so relieved that we took a stand though and have moved our kids to a new school.. It's a smaller school, they wont get lost in the system and hopefully will be more comfortable in a school that has zero tolerance to bullies and has a caring attitude towards their children - and a school that will let Aleks work at the level he needs to, not simply float along being accelerated through the classes to help boost their numbers, not because he is at the adequate level to move onto those classes!!! It's looking good for 2011, but I'm not wearing rose coloured glasses, it's going to be a tough start for the kids moving to another new school... but things are definitely looking better :)

Soz...

2010-12-15T00:20:00.000+11:00

Sorry according to the song is the hardest word, but it's one I seem to be saying lately!!!

Mostly due to lack of action. I've been sick - sick enough to turn up to the doctors and now be at the beck and call of radiologists and pathology vampires... Oh it's nothing serious - it will all work out in the end, but for the moment I'm a human pincushion and have a diary full of appointments from last week and well into the new year!!!

Once everything is confirmed and we're well on the way to getting things sorted and settled I should be ok to share a little of what is happening, but at the moment I've been struggling but am starting to get back on top of my life ;) This week I intend on catching up with things, next week will be starting to move forward again and the week after will be celebrating Christmas and making beautiful memories (well we try to do that every day but Christmas is something that little bit more magical!!!!)

So I'm sorry again for lack of action, communication, scrapping, creativity etc etc etc... I promise I WILL be back creating, sharing and posting soon ;) I'm a work in progress and at the moment a lot of work behind the scene is going on to get things back running at full steam again :)

Disgusted

2010-12-10T20:49:00.002+11:00

I feel sick to the core, absolutely disgusted and stomach churning ill for Aleksandir. Today was his last day at the school the children have been attending. I'm sure the world knows the issues we've had there with Kahli... Well Aleks also has been complaining frequently about bullying, teasing and the likes - I've witnessed it from kids from the school that also attend bowling but they know now I wont settle for it so it's stopped there. We know Aleks is different and can be very sensitive to social things and can't at times differentiate between good natures larking and nasty teasing so I've relied on the teachers etc to monitor this as they know his special quirks.

Anyways today being his last day at school and at that school in particular he came home with his shirt signed by kids whom were meant to be his friends.

Sounds normal right?

WRONG!!!

Seriously, I feel sooo awful for my boy... The words and names the wrote on the shirt are soul destroying!! He has walked around school all day with this shirt on - not being aware what his so called friends and class mates had written on his back... not knowing they were snickering behind his back and OMG I feel so destroyed for him!!!

To think that his teachers would have been aware what was on his shirt - it's pretty plain to see... that they didn't have the forethought to care enough to get him a shirt from the lost property and change it out - or to even call me... They let him wander around school with comments like "f@ggot" "kick me" "you suck" "f** you" "you have no balls f@g" These are just a few of the things other 11 and 12 year old so called friends have written on Aleksandirs shirt!!! Oh and there's more.. that's some of the ones off the top of my head - I feel like going into the principal of the school and show her just how much her teachers are looking after my childrens psychological welfare!!!

There are no words to describe how I feel at the moment.. I'm crossed between a fit of rage and indignation and falling into a heap of tears knowing that I allowed my children to enter this so called safe institution to be treated like this - there is no excuse for this - I DO hold the school responsible!!! They allowed him to wear these names, these words and this branding all day!!! Absolutely shameful MacDonald Park Primary School in Mount Gambier - totally and utterly shamefull!!!!

Yes a written complaint will be forwarded to the education department - enough is enough... I've reached my total limit!!!!!

PS: I've been offline a while due to gastro bug hitting us bad - never rains but it pours ;) LOL

P - Day :)

2010-12-06T11:01:00.004+11:00

P as in PUDDING!!!!

Yesterday we completed making our Christmas puddings - the mix smelt yummy, as did the house whilst they were cooking away :) Only thing is that even after 6 hours happily bubbling away they still weren't cooked.. so today I pop them in the oven for a bit on low and that seems to be a bit more successful... Hmmmm I wonder if the heat and humidity whilst making them had something to do with that!?!?!?

Anyhoos... we have 3 puddings and 1 Christmas cake - all from the one mix!!! It made HEAPS!!!

so my...

December Daily - Dec 5

Pudding Day!!!! All 4 kids joined in to help complete the puddings we started the night before. The smell from the marinated fruit was divine - Christmas in a sniff!!!

We had 3 pudding bowls so the older 3 buttered one up each - Dommy helped breaking the eggs up to add to the mix and Kahli and William measured out the remaining dry ingredients (William wore them should I say!!!)

"Look mum, all buttered up!!!"

"yum yum"

They all had a ceremonious stirring of the Christmas pudding. i think I read ot somewhere that this is a traditional thing to do to for good luck into the following year or over Christmas... I'm not sure which one but will look it up ;)

Aleks the king of stirring!!!

Dommy loves being a "big boy" :)

Kahli had to fight Dommy to keep the bowl - he didn't want to give it up!!!

William finding it harder than he thought...
Now is there more flour in the bowl or on his face!?!?!?!?

And with the stirring done we filled the pudding bowls...

And covered them with baking paper and foil ready to boil....

Yuuuuumo!!!!

December Daily

2010-12-05T11:46:00.003+11:00

December Daily - Dec 4

It was a HOT HOT day today!!! the thermometer apparently reached 36*C!!! We spent the morning doing a bit of scrafty Christmas wrapping and shopping with Vicki and then in the afternoon preparing our fruit for our Christmas Pudding!!!

We are using Grand-nans original recipe, but we had to convert all the measurements because it is in imperial (pound and ounces) not metric (kilos and grams).

Collecting (and sampling) the ingredients

After carefully measuring it all out, all the fruit came together in a bowl to be marinated in marmelade, orange and lemon juice and a full bottle of St Agnes Brandy - well the full bottle was only 150ml worth but full bottle sounded good :)

Hmmm Luckily this was BEFORE the brandy was added - naughty Aleks!!!!

Then once all mixed it was covered and left to marinate overnight :)

It's starting to smell a lot like Christmas already!!!! :)

A Scare....

2010-12-05T11:12:00.006+11:00

Last night I had no sleep - well I didn't get to put my head to pillow properly until 5am! We had 2 boys down with what I believe to be a touch of heatstroke. Dommy was the worst - I really thought it was going to be a trip to hospital.

Just as I was heading to bed and locking up the house, all the usual end of day still I hear him start to cry. I asked Nathan to go re-dummy him thinking that he'd just lost his dummy and was stirring but it didn't work... Nathan brought him into our bedroom and I could tell instantly he wasn't well :( As much as he was crying he was limp. His eyes were rolling in the back of his head and he just didn't move apart from to cry... he was soooo hot, yet not sweating....

I didn't think it was that hot a night but he had spent an energetic day out shopping with me, playing with the kids in the shed and out in the sun... I heard someone say we hit 36*C yesterday - and I've no doubt about that.. it was a stinking hot day and very humid... a draining kind of day...

I was trying to comfort Dommy when he stopped making any noise, I thought the worst (strange how mums do that) and tried to get a response from him... I noticed that he seemed to be choking, he had vomited and hadn't cleared his airways so once we turned him over and cleared his airways he started to cry again although still limp and lethargic :( He still vomited a little bit more and I made him take a drink of water... I poured water over him, head back etc etc... It drenched our bed but I didn't care... He was soooo hot - the inside of his little palms were burning my fingers where he was holding on!!!

It took about 5 minutes of cooling with water and forcing him to take sips of water before he started to come around... Whether he was half asleep or not I can't be sure but he really gave me a good scare!!! when we decided he was alert enough to move him he refused to go to Nathan - he was a mummy's boy LOL so Nathan had to change the sheets hehehe

Once we re-settled, Dommy in with us so I could monitor him I heard William a the other end of the house start complaining.... he was feeling unwell, headaches and a cramped foot. I settled him but 5 minutes later (just as I was starting to doze off) I heard him running up the hallway... He was sick too... but he made the toilet in time - this time around!! William was up and down all night with headaches and vomiting :( We had a couple of accidents along the ways - just more washing to add to the pile LOL but he was much more responsive than Dommy and pro-active in re-hydrating (thank goodness!!!)

So today I sit at home, trying to keep the house cool - putting off finishing out Christmas Puddings until later in the afternoon and keeping an eye on my little boys... I've never seen them so sick like this before - and Dommy really had me worrying!!!! When I stop and think about what happened it seemed that their bodies simply didn't cool themselves down. Aleks and Kahli and we were ok, but the little ones (yes William is little - there's nothing to him!!!) bodies just didn't seem to kick in and cool themselves down when the temp reduced. We're going to have to start a routine of cool showers/baths in the evening to kick this process off - we are after all only just in the beginning of summer, it's going to get much hotter than this in the days, weeks, months ahead!!!

Oh and in case anyone was wondering, Dommy is his normal self today (along with some purple smudges under his eyes) he's super energetic and happy playing hide and see in an old packing box....

William hasn't pulled up so well, he's got headaches and listless today.... We're pumping him full of fluid and keeping an eye on him again...

Elf!!!!

2010-12-04T10:57:00.003+11:00

This movie has become the kids tradition to watch every Christmas. They love it - and last night was no exception... Even though they're seen it time after time they still fall into fits of giggles over the character Wil Ferrel plays. I love the innocence of this movie - it really captures the Christmas spirit for me.. I know elves are not what Christmas is really about - but this movie helps inject a little bit of magic into something that has become so overcommercialised...

So onto my daily....

December Daily - Dec 3

Today the children watched their Christmas Movie - Elf. It was the first year that Dommy has really been into watching TV, and he was enthralled as much as his older siblings were.

All four rugrats watching 'Elf"

Kahli has taken it upon herself to be the official Christmas Countdown-er. She has been changing the days til Christmas on the santa chalkboard every morning :)

How many sleeps????

Thunderstruck!!!!

2010-12-03T11:08:00.002+11:00

Well after a LOT of sunshine today it ended with a bang - literally!! The HUGEST thunderstorm we've ever seen!!! We apparently had 21mls of rain fall in 30 mins at one stage!!! And add to that our carport flooded as did the street outside - it turned into a mini river - had a current and all!!! I can certainly see how these flash floodings etc happen from time to time!! It's something that we have NEVER EVER experienced back in Tassie - we think it's flooded if there's a sheen of warer over the road - well not suite, but nothing to this extent ;)

Aleks wanted to go out and have a run in the rain - it was deafening under the verandah - he mustn't have heard me tell him not to go out in it....

but he found out he didn't like standing in the rain - he said it hurt!! It took all of 10 seconds for him to be drenched!!!

The street outside as the flooding began to build up - I was too chicken to be out there for long, the thunder was right on top of us at this stage - the street became fully flooded within a few minutes - you can just see that there is a flowing current even when it was this small!!!

December Daily - Dec 2

What did we do Christmasy?? Well we Santa Snowed our windows :) Kahli and William cleaned them down and the children all picked a window pane each to decorate with 3 different stencils. Domenik hasn't got a window - his job has been to see how high he can reach and try and destroy the older kids decorations - he's on a self imposed seek and destroy mission ROFL

William
Tree, Snowflake and "Merry Christmas"

Kahli
Santa, Wreath and Angel

Aleks

Holly, Christmas Star and Reindeer with sleigh

Whilst this was being organised the kids snuggled up whilst the thunder and lightening and heavy rain was happening and also watched Home Alone - they love this movie... I still don't understand how the parents can leave and not notice a child as annoying as Macaulay Culkin was missing LOL but I guess it's what the script writers said hey ;)

Hope everyone else is having a great introduction to summer (albeit wet) and starting to feel come Christmas Spirit!!!

December Daily

2010-12-01T21:44:00.004+11:00

I wasn't sure if to put this here or in my scrappy blog... So will type here as blog entries and tabs in my craft blog... Hmmm yeah I think that's how it'sll work ;)

Anyways I'm going to attempt to do a December daily album for my kids to look back on and see how our new family traditions are being and were built. I'm going to be very technical here (NOT!) and say that it's from another website that this idea comes from and is lead by, but I've failed miserably with being prepared so will be working kinda backwards - as in journalling and putting memories in here to alter scrap into my album (which should already have been made grrr to me being sooo orgamanised of late - NOT hahaha

Sooooo

December 1...

We did the traditional setting up of the Christmas tree. Domenik has started his own tradition of demolishing said Christmas tree LOL He thinks the shiny baubles are 'ball' 'ball' LOL So he pulls them off and bowls them down the hallway as if he were 10 pin bowling LOL. As much as it's naughty and we chastise him it is very funny to hear him yell "ball" at the top of his lungs and then hear the rattle of a plastic bauble roll down on the tiles or floorboards.

This year we have had to change to all plastic/less breakable decorations due to the possibility of Dom turning them all into balls - coupled with tile floors ;) Maybe in a few years I can get my pretty glass ornaments out again... all in due time ;)

Now for some piccies!!!!

Domenik

William

Kahli

Aleks

Have I done the right thing??

2010-11-24T21:23:00.003+11:00

It's the eternal worry of being a parent.. Always asking what you done the right thing, was that the right decision, are we going to scar our children for life for different things... anyways tonight I ask myself ahve I done the right things regarding Kahi...

My head says yes...

My heart says yes...

but mummy guilt kicks in to override the fact I know it's right to tell me that maybe, just maybe there was more I could do...

I received a return phone call from my childrens school. It didn't end the best to put it mildly. The round up is that no matter what happens in the classroom the suspicion is always going to fall onto Kahli's shoulders. Apparently that's the correct assumption. Because Kahli uses generalisations such as "everyone is teasing me" "everyone is bullying me" then she's exaggerating and it is doubtful that the bullying is really happening - well that's my read on the situation... if a child has come to a teacher time after time after time saying she's being bullied and the teacher has doubt because of said childs wording... hmm well that's how it was put to me, and nothing I can say can change this opinion until they see proof - I mean, I've given names and my boys (who would love nothing more than to get their sister into trouble and wont lie to back her) even say they've seen it - but that's not proof enough **sigh**

Kahli did the wrong thing this morning - no disputing that. She found $10 on the side of the road and picked it up and kept it. She went to the school front office and asked them to change it into 2 $5 notes. Not once did they ask her about the money... Even after me telling the school my children are not to have money at school - EVER!!

Apparently Kahli gave one of the $5 to another student at school. Then changed her mind and asked for it back. Here is where the story gets a bit muddy.... you see I was told at the initial phone call that Kahli had given another child $5 and that was it... Then come the second phone call this evening I was told that this other child was accused of stealing the $5 from Kahli - now my concern is that throughout the conversations with the school I've caught them embellishing and outright lying a few times... I have to wonder if this child was accused of stealing from Kahli why this wasn't mentioned in the first phone call - also I've questioned Kahli over and over about this fact - different questions, different tactics and she consistently says she didn't say this child stole from her, just that she wanted the money back so she could pay a 'debt' with another child.... I know Kahli can be an eloquent story weaver at the best of times, but I can't shake this feeling she's telling me the truth - if that's guilt from not believing her earlier I can't be certain....

So I received original phone call advising me that my daughter has stolen money. I get told that she has lied about it to the school. At one point I get told she said to the front office that it was her money - It didn't sound like Kahli so I questioned that point, the principal retracted the statement saying no she didn't say that but the assumption was there that as she handed over the monmey it was hers.... Anyways I was lead to believe she maliciously took this money from another person which was not the case - the whole dilemma with the school now is that Kahli simply kept the $10....

So, I wonder why this big hullabaloo... I know it's not right she shoud have handed it it, but seriously would they have handed it in if they found it out on the road??? Not saying it's right - what I AM saying though is why didn't they sit down with Kahli and simply say "Kahli, if you find money you must hand it in to the office, you don't keep it" Simple - no fuss, no accusations, nothing negative!!! But no, that didn't happen at all!!!

Instead I have a principal on the phone DEFENDING the fact that they called Kahli a liar, DEFENDING the fact they are staying she is a thief, DEFENDING the fact that she said what the assumption could they jump to with the circumstances presented to them, DEFENDING the fact that anything that happens in the class and Kahli will be brought under suspicion - all because my daughter was "brave" in the principals words to admit to being bad and taking a few things at times because she was jealous - she knows that was wrong, she has admitted that and has accepted punishment and returned the items that she has here to their rightful owners (even if minus a pen lid!!!)

As a result of their unapologetic, accusational, and harsh stance I've made the decision to pull Kahli out of the class for the rest of the year. Apparently Kahli was to have a meeting with a support worker at the school today - she was excited to start painting on a canvas and start talking to her... instead she came home being told that the worker was too busy to see her - I tell ya, what kind of message is that sending to a child in distress?!?!?!?!

Anyways, I'm looking into my options for next year. There are several open - right down to home schooling (which is looking really positive at the moment)... I've been advised from the school that any issues Kahli has will follow me from one school to the next and it's not teaching her to responsible and social to pull her out from the class - I'm sorry, but my daughter deserves to be treated better than a criminal and to have some faith in her.... Also she will be marked absent so I'l counteract that with a visit to the Doc for a med cert citing mental health and get her into a counselor or phsych who is removed from the situation and start getting her self esteem and whatever demons dealt with - I can get her in via our health fund so hopefully can get something happening before the end of the year to help my little girl...

In amongst all this negativity from the school there is a little 11 year old girl crying out for help... I hate the fact they reckon that their treatment of her is their support of her... I'm sorry, but with that kind of support I'm glad I'm not in the educations system any more!!!!

So yes, mummy guilt has been kicking in.. I'm not so much worrying about my decisions.. it's the guilt of trusting the school and putting Kahli back into the situation where she was let down by those in authority. I feel guilty about telling her to go speak to her teacher about being bullied and leaving at that, I feel guilty about trusting that I would be contacted if anything was happening in the school.. I feel guilty for trusting the wrong people with the care and support of my daughter. Most of all I feel guilty that this has been going on for 6 months - 6 long months and I've not known about it... 6 months of telling her to speak to her teacher and trusting them too much... I should have done something - I don't know what without being communicated with, but I should have known... surely I should have known.... I think if only we had been able to get onto this earlier, if only the school had told me Kahli wasn;t happy, there were signs of issues etc etc.. they had it in writing from her in a 'worry box' that things weren't right but the teacher said they were only little thing - yes little thigns soon add up to big things and wouldn;t it be a sign to any logical adult that lots of little things should be looked into as to why they are appearing!?!??! I feel so guilty about putting Kahli in the situation where she was in the care of someone who was unable to see the forest for the trees, someone who even now wont acknowledge that they made a mistake - even though they now say they misjudged Kahli today they wont apologise or admit they did anything wrong!!!! It makes me sick that I put my daughter in their care, and even when I had doubt I did it again....

I swear, that with my last breath I will always be there for my kids - I wont allow them to be lost in the system and if that means pulling them out of the system then so be it!!! Their needs are paramount!!!!!

So Frustrated!!!!

2010-11-24T16:42:00.002+11:00

with the school my kids are currently attending. I can't really put too much here because apparently kids in my children's classes like to google names and comment to my kids about things in this blog (which is absolutely disgusting that they can be on computers with no supervision and that can be allowed!!!)

Anyways I mentioned here before that Kahli's had issues at school with bullies etc etc. It mostly stems back to when she was in grade 2 and a senior teacher (who was also her class teacher) told her that she deserved to be bullied because she had called a long term bully a bad name... I can pinpoint from that day that her character and self esteem fell through the floor and I've been dealing with a child who has lost faith in authority figures at school, she has been buying friends and has other social issues.

Anyways we had issues at this new school earlier this year when a girl moved to this school and started bullying Kahli. I had a few conversations with her teacher and the counselor who told me that we would have open communication and that the matter was being dealt with and if anything further was to arise I would be notified. Said counselor also had conversations to me about possible aspergers/autism investigations that could be initiated (only to be told now that this can't be done within the school...)

Roll on last week... I get a call from the teacher saying there are issues in the school again with my daughter. It's all revolving around bullying etc again.. and apparently has been going on for some time... I can't believe that my daughter has been so down she's been dissolving into tears at school and I've not been notified!!! I'm really mad that this teacher seems to take it upon herself to be making decisions such as what to do with my daughter in these situations and not letting me in on the whole thing!!! I had NO IDEA this was happening!!! Kahli was coming home, telling me school was fine... aside from a few times when she said she'd been bullied to which i told her she had to speak to her teacher - assuming if it was a real case of bullying that the teacher would notify me... And on top of that there has been a change in school counselor (apparently it was mentioned in a school notice) so anything that was said with the previous counselor was hearsay as it seems nothing was handed over. I've never spoken to this new counselor even though apparently she has been working my daughter!!!!

I feel so bad about putting y daughter into a situation where she was telling someone in authority that she was being bullied and I feel that the follow up on this was less than acceptable. At least in the communication back to us - I thought she was exaggerating or making it up as I heard nothing - to find out that your daughter has been in tears on numerous times over more than a 10 week period is soul shattering... to know I put my faith in the teachers to deal with this top have this faith spat on, chewed up and trampled on.....

Anyways, after a less than cordial phone call last week I called a meeting with the school counselor, teacher and the principal... Said meeting left me feeling rather hollow... I feel we were heard but it call came back to up having to put faith back in the teacher and staff to communicate with us. Not a good feeling at all when they've already breached that faith! On top of that to have myself questioned as to why they've "not seen hide nor hair" of me in Kahli's classroom to supervise if she was having issues (that I knew nothing about because they didn't communicate) was just insult to injury - and the teacher refused to apologise for that statement...

So roll on to the afternoon of the meeting, we discover that some things had gone missing in the classroom... Kahli owned up to taking some things and admitted she had an issue with stealing - great that she stood up and said this... but I have to ask myself was she saying that because she thought it was the thing to say or does she really believe that... Kahli has got a strong tendency to give answers to what she thinks is the right thing to say at the time, no necessarily what she is thinking or feeling... So she does a scout around her room and returns what she can find was taken.. Now today I get a letter saying there are some more things she needs to recover - one of them being a pen lid!! I mean WTF!?!?!?! (sorry, I don't swear but I'm really stumped, confused, frustrated and bordering on angry with this)

Oh and as for today - why am I so frustrated?? Well remember how we needed to have faith in the communication improving at the school... well I got a phone call this afternoon saying that Kahli was caught with money. I've told the school that my children do not go to school with money, they do not have access to school lunches etc mostly for allergy risks... Anyway the principal calls me to say Kahli was caught with $10, that she had gone to the front office to have changed into 2 x $5 notes... and she gave one of the $5 to a girl in the school. I was questioned as to if she had taken the money from home, I had no idea if Nathan had taken money from the bank this morning so couldn't be certain. Anyways I get told that Kahli insists that she found it on the way to school. I dropped her off at school so that sounded a bit dodge. The principal thinks she is lying because her story has changed a few times - from her not telling the front office she found it to her telling the principal (or could have been teacher) that she told the front office she found it and they told her to keep it....

The call was left with the conclusion Kahli has possible stolen the money from home or somewhere else. I was left with the strong feeling that the school believed she had stolen it as I was told I needed to talk to Kahli and discuss the stealing of money with her. Which I did the minute I picked her up from school. She insisted she found it on the road, I said she had to be lying as I dropped her off at school. After the conversation with the principal it was the only conclusion possible that the money had been stolen... enter William. William and Kahli ran into school together - I sat in the car and watched then run around the school gym until I could see them no more... Williams answer to my question had me concerned. He said she found it as well. He said she saw her pick the $10 up...

I based my judgment on the situation on previous experience with Kahli taking stuff and what the principal said and told them they must both be lying to me now... I was going to take privileges off them both and told them how disappointed I was with them... All the time both proclaiming their innocence....

We get home, I ask Kahli for her homework diary as I know she hasn't been handing it to me and apparently there was a note in it from her teacher for a few days ago... Imagine my absolute horror when I read the teacher has written in it under todays date stating

"the front office staff have led me to believe that Kahli did find the $10. It was probably lost by a JP student......"

I can't believe that this was not made knowing to me in a phone call prior to the end of the school day!!! I am shattered that I've chastised not only Kahli but also William who was totally innocent over the situation. I'm shattered that they have put me in a situation again where I was not kept in the loop and notified of the discoveries that they had made - considering I'd been left being told to discuss with Nathan when he came home from work tonight as to if he had money missing from his wallet!!!!

And before anyone jump to the defense of the teacher saying that she was teaching a class and not able to leave to tell me this over the phone - she had been to the front office to discuss this as she stated in the same letter that the issue was now that Kahli hadn't told staff that the money was found.. not hers - confirmed by office staff - someone SHOULD have notified me to this!!!!

I feel my faith and trust has been trampled all over again... it might not have been by much, but it was enough that I've now chastised my children when it wasn't necessary...

I feel that Kahli deserves an apology over the accusations that she stole the money.

I feel that no matter what she does now Kahli is going to be pegged for everything - I mean she was telling the truth, she was not believed so now their complaint is that she didn't tell them she found the money - I know she should have, I'm not saying she's innocent, I just feel that no matter what now that they're going to find something she's done wrong within a situation....

I have made one decision - that is that I am going to get her a counselor/psych outside of the school to talk to... Someone who is impartial, someone who can see my daughter with fresh eyes and work on what is happening, not allow things that have happened to school and personal clashes get in the way...

I'm going to do my best to protect my daughter and ensure she is mentally healthy and can move on from these accusations and if she has got a problem to get help with that... Because I for one have absolutely NO faith in this schools processes and this teacher any longer....

My, My, My....

2010-11-18T20:18:00.002+11:00

We were sitting in our bubble of contentedness, believing all was right with the world only to find out that behind the scenes things were happening that we had not been advised of...

This is all to do with a school issue, let's just say that I'm not a happy mumma bear at the moment....

I'm no pushover and will fight to be a voice for my children come hell or high water!!!!

Want to take me on?? Well be warned - I fight to the end, I stand up for what is right and if you want to make accusations you'd want to be pretty sure with your evidence or it'll be ripped to shreds!!!!

Mumma bears have claws - and I' not afraid to use them or my growl!!!!!

As a parent our most important role is to be our childrens voice... When they can't speak for themselves we do the talking for them... We shield them from dangers, educate and nurture... My children will grow up knowing that their mumma always had their back - right or wrong they had support and love all the way... NO ONE steps on my babies and gets away with it!!!!!

Post It Note Tuesday: New Beginnings

2010-11-16T17:44:00.003+11:00

I'm not ignoring this blog....

2010-11-13T19:28:00.002+11:00

Just trying to get better!!! I've had a lovely (NOT) cold that has traveled all over my upper respiratory tract - and labeled a virus so it's been a case of suffer, rest and get over it... AKA "toughen up princess" ;)

I've a bit to update here.. I really need to do an update on Dommy especially - things are a moving and shaking there... and he's growing up **sob** I'm hoping to be back up and ready and rearing to go early this week :) Here's hoping!!!

The Chipmunk Effect

2010-11-03T10:05:00.004+11:00

I think most people have suffered from this at one time in their life. It's the puffy cheek syndrome that happens when you've been blowing up balloons for too long; or when you've been blowing up balloons by mouth that should have been blows up by pump. My case today is from the latter...

Yesterday afternoon Dommy came running to me saying "b'loo, b'loo" (interpretation - "balloon, balloon") Domenik loves anything round that can be thrown, kicked, hit, slobbered on or just anytghing round ROFL He's a true boy and Ball has to be one of his favourite words!! I'm expecting him to turn to me one day when down the street and a guy walks past with a shiny round head and him to point to said shiny head and yell "ball" - just to embarrass his mummy of course ROFL

Anyhoos, he brings me these pieces of rubber - they were left overs from Kahli's party. So what's wrong with that I can hear you ask - why would blowing up 1-2 balloons leave me with Chipmunk Syndrome? Simply because they are the ones that are designed to be formed into shapes!!! These pieces of rubber are just long strips of torture if you don't have a pump to blow them up with!!! I couldn't get them blown up - I tried, I blew, I stretched, I puffed - I even tried to hide them and replace with normal balloons (which hide in my wardrobe for such emergencies) but Dommy wasn't fooled - he wanted these long skinny rubber torture things come hell or high water!!!

nope, I couldn't even get this far for him!!!

I think I spent close to 30 minutes working on these things before he spotted something else that took his attention - yep it was a ball!!! Augh!!! I really felt it last night in my cheeks... Everytime I smiles I really felt like wincing "ouch"! I felt my cheeks had done a full on workout just by bowing up balloons!!! As my friend Vicki said, if they worked on the whole body we would do it all the time, but nopes, they worked only my cheek muscles :(

And still this morning I have that "cheeks stuffed with cotton wool" feeling. I walk past a mirror and have a quick glance and expect to see huge puffy round balls sticking out the side of my face, but nope, they still look normal - but boy they don't feel it!!! It's kinda like a numb feeling that when you smile turns into a red hot burning sensation augh! So whilst you're there smiling and laughing at my chipmunk syndrome know that I'm here, not able to crack a smile even at myself - but tomorrow - that's another day... I'll be scouring everyone's blogs looking for stuff to laugh at because from previous experiences my chipmunk syndrome should be healed by then... well, that's until Dommy finds another balloon like these!!! I'll never learn and can't resist his huge pleading brown eyes - such a sucker!! LOL

C'mon, who can resist this tear stained,
dirt encrusted gorgeous little face.....

Post It Note Tuesday: Rambling...

2010-11-02T16:41:00.004+11:00

Welcome to my second attempt at Post It Note Tuesday!!!!

I'm not Looking Forward to November...

2010-10-31T11:41:00.002+11:00

I'm posting this now because I hope that I can handle myself and control my emotions so I don't have too bad a month.

November was meant to be a month full of new joy for us. It's the month that our latest angel was due... Our baby was due on the 22nd of November 2010. With previous losses I've not been that crash hot come to due date... I really hope I can hold myself together this year...

It only struck me this morning that tomorrow will be November... I should be complaining about aching back and joints, braxton hicks, swelling hands and feet.. but instead I sit and snuggle my earth children and wonder what this baby would have been like, if it was a boy or a girl, what colour eyes he/she would have had, hair, smell etc etc....

I can't allow myself to dwell too much though, I don't want to get down and struggle to come up for air again.

I guess it hasn't helped finding out a friends grandson was born with wings last Friday - unexpectedly. He was too small and precious for this earth :( I wonder how I would cope if our babies were that bit bigger that we could hug them and kiss them and see them.... they weren't 'simply' miscarriages...

Anyways, if I go nutso this month please forgive me. If I get too down - well I need to be allowed to be down a little but if you see me get too down please kick my backside and remind me what i have on earth already :)

November should be a good month for us, but I know there will be a little sadness and a few tears... I really hope I keep an handle on my emotions etc....

Ahhhh Peace and Quiet....

2010-10-30T22:21:00.002+11:00

I'm exhausted - happy exhausted though :) Kahli had a birthday sleep over last night, her best friend Abby came and spent the night and most of the day today :) They had a blast - typical girly sleepover - 3am **gasp** pillow fight and all!!!! William also had some friends from the street stay over, and Aleks had a school sleep over so we lost one of ours but gained 3 others LOL

Soooooo I'm ready to drop after a night of hardly any sleep in amongst the whispers, giggles, boy/girl germ comments and pillow fights...

Happy exhausted because all the kids are settling. Aleks came home from camp talking about his new friends he made and **sigh** everything is just feeling so right at the moment!!!!

happy happy happy :)

so with that I'm off to bed... sleep is calling me, although it wont be for a sleep in as apparently the $2 league bowling is back up and running and my bowling family can't resist a bargain such as that **sigh** LOL

Happy Birthday Squirt xxx

2010-10-26T21:33:00.002+11:00

Well my baby girl turns 11 in 3 hours... Wow time really does fly.... I guess she's not a baby anymore, she's not even really a little girl, she's fast becoming a young lady - now that's scary!!!

I can remember vividly what I was doing at age 11, so I assume she will to... to think that things we do today could be the things she caries with her for the rest of her life, kinda makes those daily things even more important...

Anyways, I hope to get a post in here tomorrow for my special girl, but just in case needed to wish her a happy birthday for tomorrow... Kahli has put in her order for her birthday tea and has asked for my lamb burgers for dinner - that's so nice, it's my own recipe and she said it's her favourite :) Oh and she want's cheesecake, I need to remember to get it done in the morning so it's ready for dinner - if anyone knows of a good quick cheesecake recipe please share!!!

So for now, Kahli, my gorgeous little spitfire, I hope you have a lovely birthday and it's everything you want, You're such a special little lady and I want you to start believing in yourself and turn into the magnificent woman you have the potential to become. Love you always Squirt xxxx

uh-oh...

2010-10-25T12:54:00.002+11:00

I've been told that apparently my blog post yesterday was a little harsh... Well, maybe... I mean I do have a terminal case of verbal diarrhoea when I let my thoughts ramble and I just type away... LOL

Anyhoos, I don't want to really make this blog about my old friendship - I mean we had good times, we had a lot of down times and it was what I thought was a good friendship, until someone changed her mind and became influenced by others around her and started talking out of school. She chose to change to a point where she was using profane language to my mother and telling my mum to f*** off... Now, I'm sorry but in my book that is something that is borderline forgivable but not forgettable, and there is no way I could associate with anyone who has not only spoken to me like that but also my mother

On top of that saying one thing to a persons face and another behind their back was starting to gripe on me, everything added up - so yes, we had what I believed to be a good and close friendship, but the minute I wasn't able to live in her pocket day in and day out her attention turned elsewhere and everything we supposedly had was rubbished, abused and pushed aside - and excuses came flooding forth as to why this was all happening - in an attempt to push the blame back onto me. I can't go forward with a friendship like that... That is why I was so happy and relieved when I was shown these photo's that I felt nothing. I knew that I had moved on. I am ready to continue my life with this friendship being a part of my past. It and she is not a part of my future and I accept that and am happy with that.

I don't want to come across as a nasty pasty who has celebrated wiping someone out of their life for nothing - believe me I'm not like that. I know that if you're my friend I'll hold onto you as tightly as possible and it takes a lot for me to loosen that grip on you (be warned mwahahaha) but start to turn on me and my loyalty will be questioned... Be abusive towards my family and you're gone - especially when they've done nothing but drop everything to be by your side and support you, babysit for you, shelter you, stop you from doing stupid things when wanting to end your life, answer your tearful calls at midnight after your ex abused you and run to your side at all hours - yes that was not only me but also my mum and this was the thanks we received... Sorry but do that and I know that you're not the right sort of person to be in my life... THAT is what yesterdays post was all about.

Sorry for not being too clear, I'm not nasty, just a human being who is moving forward with her life :)

Onwards and Upwards - I soooo am loving that saying hahaha BTW remember my mantra - "You don't always get answers for what happens - because sometimes the answers were not for you, they were lessons for someone else..." I really do think that was the case here... I can only hope that what happened the answer was for me to be there to help her get through this stage in her life, now it's time for me to move on and start with my own life - it's the least I can do for myself and my family :)

And She's Been Doing it Again...

2010-10-24T23:06:00.002+11:00

...writing posts to blog here in my head and getting things out of my system that way and not actually blogging them - I guess that's healthy and still healing in a way... but no good if I want to look back in years to come to see how I got through things, my through processes etc... Oh well... probably less dribble for others to read through LOL

Anyhoos, things are going really great here. I wake up with a silly contented smile on my face that rarely leaves - it's soooo good to be happy!!! I didn't realise how much I had let other people influence me and bring me down!!! I mean in my head I knew things had to change, but it wasn't going to happen without a shove - and once that shove happened and we were away from those influences - wow!! the lightness, relief and lack of stress is AMAZING!!! I feel young again, I feel there's a spring in my step and I feel I have positive things to look forward to for the long term future - not just worrying about the rest of the day/week etc - long term as in years down the track - I can see a positive FUTURE :) That's all good.. that's the way life should be!!!

A big thing happened this week. I was sent a link to some pics online of a person I had considered a friend. I didn't really want to see them but I was told to have a peek - to see for myself how I felt and to see how some things had changed back in Tas... Well... I opened them and you know what - I didn't feel anything. I had thought I'd feel sad or guilty about leaving and getting on with my life - but nopes... Nothing like that at all!!! In fact I felt sorry for her. I also felt happy that I was not in the influence that this person was experiencing in the photo's and knew that her lifestyle and choices were not where I wanted to be or even want to be headed... I felt happy that this person was no longer in my life - and you know what... it's really made me see that this was the right thing for us :) I am so so SO happy to have left my past behind me and am moving onto bigger and better things, living my life for myself not to make sure others get through the day and not being held back and in the company of people I would not want to be like, linked to or associated in any way with - it probably makes no sense to anyone reading this, but it does to me and I really needed to get that out - especially the fact that I could close those pics and walk away and know for certain this is right for me, us and everyone around me :)

I also realised it's been AGES since I've posted any pics of my gorgeous kids :) Today I completed another scrapbooking cyber crop for SBT50 and had to race to get some pics of my kids pulling faces for the final challenge - so here they are, in all their shaggy, face-pulling morning glory - just remember these pics were taken for a purpose - it's not their normal faces ROFL

Aleksandir - yes that's meant to be a funny face LOL

Kahli - no idea how she can cross her eyes on demand like that!!!

William - need I say any more, typical Wil!!!

Domenik - this is the closest I could get to him pulling a
face on demand - not bad for a 2 year old ;)

There's more pics and scrappy LO's on my crafty blog - My Crafty Retreat

I'm soooooo not ready for this!!!

2010-10-21T21:14:00.003+11:00

Today at bowling Aleks came up to me, I thought he was going to start on with something smart (he's discovered the art of smart arse comments augh!!!) but instead he asked me if I could see any hair on his upper lip - OMG!! You could have knocked me over with a feather - this is how the conversation went...

A - can you see any hair on my lip mum?
me - no, why?
A - because I want a moustache
me (not sure where this was heading so a little uncertain) - why?
a - because it will make me more of a MAN (said with a macho sounding grunty voice)

Oh no - I'm soooo not ready for my Aleks to be a man yet - he still need to be a boy a little longer **sob** time is flying by tooo fast - I mean in reality he could be off to university and moving out of home in 5-6 years time!!! Can't I have my Zander-boy just a bit longer.... please.....

Post It Note Tuesday: Thankful

2010-10-19T16:39:00.003+11:00

Well it seems blogger has updated itself again - no idea what this new linky thing does and no inclination to fiddle at the moment - I'm likely to stuff something up hahaha

Anyhoos, I thought I'd jump on in with the phenomena that is known as Post It Note Tuesday... Basically every Tuesday you blog in post it notes, so all note form, short, succinct and not necessarily put together to make wild sense but it's to pout thing 'out there'

Today I thought I'd put a few "I'm thankfuls"

I'm Published!!!

2010-10-17T15:02:00.003+11:00

One of my photo's of Domenik was shorlisted a while back to be considered for use in the 2011 Ponseti Fundraiser Calendar - well I received confirmation today that it's being used!!! My photo has been published and the calendars are already in production!!!

Footprints in the Sand

It's a great little fundraiser for the Ponseti organisation that treats children with club feet and metatarsus adductus type conditions...

The price per calendar is $16US (shipping not included). From the date ordered, the calendars take approximately 4 business days to process/manufacture and 1 business day-3 weeks for delivery, depending on the shipping method you choose and where it is headed.

This year, all profits from the calendar will go to Miraclefeet, a new non-profit organization bringing together motivated parents, top medical minds, and accomplished leaders to help deliver the simplest, most affordable, most effective clubfoot treatment the Ponseti Method to children in need, wherever in the world they happen to be.

Yes, I'm excited and proud as punch that my photo in some small way is contributing to a bigger cause :)

Coming down from the Adrenaline High....

2010-10-11T16:58:00.002+11:00

no I've not started sky diving or the like, but it's to do with my kids - again...

Dommy's just decided to pick a fight with a bee and lost... as a result we've discovered he's severely allergic so am currently watching him for further signs of anaphylaxis.

He came running into my scrap room (where I was watching x-factor - goooo Sally and Mohogany!!!) with a funny cry, I knew instantly something was up.. his little chubby foot had started to swell and he had welts appearing all over his torso :( I knew it was an allergic reaction then and there but had no idea what to... he kept putting his foot up so I did a thorough inspection with him sitting on the chair squirming and writhing in what appeared to be severe pain... I found the venom sack stuck in-between his toes and his foot... the poor little mite had no idea what was going on - he was such a mess :(

Within a minute of removing the venom sack he started dribbling and grabbing at his tongue so I knew things were getting bad so grabbed the claratine from the cupboard and forces it between his clenched teeth - he did NOT want to take that medicine!!! but mummy won that battle!!!

the claratine started working within 5-10 minutes (isn't it funny how time goes either super fast or super slow in those kinds of situations???) and the dribbling stopped as did the tongue pulling... Mind you this was also time I was to be collecting the older children from school, everything happens at once!!!

So I collected the kids, got home and spent 30 minutes calling the GP to see what the process is to report severe reactions here in SA who then told me to call the Er, who then put me through to something like nurse on call (I missed the name of the service, I just remember being put through!)

The upshot is I've done the right thing. In a way thank goodness for our previous experience with allergies or we'd be sitting in the hospital for monitoring not at home where he can relax and be comfortable!!! Sooo I sit here coming down from the adrenaline high of seeing my baby boy on the cusp of an anaphylactic reaction.... it's not the nicest feeling but I'm sooo relieved we've been able to avoid sticking him with adrenaline and a hospital visit... Here's hoping now that we can get him in to see a GP tomorrow and get an epi-pen prescribed, as with bee stings the next will more than likely be a worse reaction, and this kid loves to live outside, so I'm sure it wont be his last sting - or my last adrenaline high like this....

Menu Plan Monday :)

2010-10-11T13:27:00.002+11:00

Okies, let's see if this works!!! I'm attempting to pre-date a post... Guess if it works then brilliant - if not then this is going to be posted on the wrong day ROFL So if today isn't Monday - Don't bag me out - it's bloggers fault mwahhahahaa

Soooo I've menu planned again - long time between drinks you say - not really, it's just a long time since I've put it in here!! I really should though - it keeps me accountable!!!

Soooo... here we go!!!

Monday: Fish Cakes and Salad
Tuesday: Hamburgers and Salad or Veg - depends on weather and if kids want salad again
Wednesday: Shepherds Pie
Thursday: Sweet Aromatic Chicken and Veggies
Friday: Fried Rice
Sat: Roast Chooken with Veg
Sunday: Hot Spuds - Tasmanian style - yum yum!!
Monday: Lasagne and Salad
Tuesday: Chicken Sausages, Mashed potato and Veg
Wednesday: Hamburgers (hopefully BBQed at the park)
Thursday: Beef Strognahoff (sp??) with Couscous
Friday: Spag Bol
Sat: Roast Lamb with Veg
Sunday: Hot Spuds - maybe Tassie style again :)

Menu can be interchanged, and I'll have spare snags etc in the freezer if the weather is good for BBQs etc... There will also be an extra spag bol and casserole ingredients shopped for just in case ;)

It's funny...

2010-10-06T10:13:00.002+11:00

that things have changed so quickly for us, and I'm not regretting these changes one bit!! I wake up with a silly smile on my face, I feel content. Really happy and certain that we've done the right thing - not just for us but for our family.

Usually (well my experience is) when you make a quick decision that it usually turns pear shape... but this was a super quick decision, it was life changing and it's been a remarkable thing that we've done - and I'm deliriously happy!!!

There is no sign of homesickness... That worried me at first, but I was told last night that it's a good thing. I'm not wanting anything that Tasmania had to offer. I've pulled the negatives out of my life and moving seemed to help purge the stragglers that I was allowing to stay in my life no matter how much grief and pain they brought because I thought it was the right thing to do - I was always brought up to respect others and their differences, but in that I think I forgot to be me and stand up for myself. Now I've learnt this important lesson and I'm feeling 10kg lighter for it!!!

So, I probably shouldn't be suprised to be finding myself and finally being really happy - it's an unusual thing for me to feel like I'm relaxing and smiling for no reason in particular. I don't feel I have to force myself to be happy... because I just am!!!

The sad thing is that I'm almost 35 and I can't remember the last time I was this content and happy... I've been letting others set the tone of my life (some was for medical reasons with myself and the kids etc so that wasn't necessarily a bad thing) But I'm not letting others pettiness, negativity, shallowness and judgemental ways (yes that includes family members as well) effect me - I can shrug them off and keep on going - if they want to stay that way then let them - that's their choice, not mine - they're hurting themselves and I choose not to have them hurt me or my family... they're loss ;)

I choose to move forward into happy times - As much as the kids are currently doing my head in on school holidays I'm still smiling and happy - weird hey ;)

Domenik...

2010-10-02T19:29:00.002+10:00

My beautiful baby boy,

Today is the last day in the second year of your life. What you've accomplished in this last 12 months is nothing more than extraordinary. I know it's what most children do, but to watch you grow and learn is a real pleasure and an honour.

You are the happiest, cheekiest, and most endearing little man. I don't know of a single person who has not fallen under the spell that is you. You bewitch everyone with that wicked glint in your big brown eyes and your cute laugh is simply infectious.

Dom, you've a long way to go in this world. You are a precious gift to us, you weren't meant to come into our lives, yet you did - your life has a purpose - never ever forget that!

So what exactly have you accomplished in the last 12 months? You've learned to walk, run, jump and skip. you can dig holes in the garden, investigate how a worm moves and chase the butterflies and beetles that fly in our garden. You're forever inquisitive and from that you learn. The understanding that flashes in your eyes when something 'clicks' is like the spark of knowledge - you really do understand so much even though you're still learning to communicate it.

You've learned to start communicating. You talk sooo much - even this morning you rang nanny on the phone and had a conversation with her - granted you spoke in "Domenikese" but it was a proper conversation with sentences and pauses... If you want something you'll find someone who can get it for you and pull them by the hand or clothing (usually shirt front) until they are where you want them to be and patiently point or try to tell them what you want. Usually it's food or water - typical Bricknell style there boyo ;) You know when to put on the tears to get what you want and if that doesn't work you've discovered big brown eyes can beg like no one has ever seen before... and again, if that doesn't work a full on temper tantrum (arms and legs failing and all!!) will usually get you some attention - positive or negative you don't really mind... typical '2' year old ;)

Domdles, this past 12 months has also seen you diagnosed with mild clubbing of your feet and severe rigid metatarsus adductus. This meant several weeks having your feet stretched in casts and then wearing braces and orthotics day in and day out. This hasn't been easy for you - but you took it all in your stride. You smiled and laughed with the nurses as they changed your case every week. You learned to firstly crawl and then walk in your casts as well. you were determined they would not slow you down - and they didn't! This condition is no where near corrected my sweet little man, and I know the future could still bring with it pain and more restrictions as you go through more corrections. I pray that you continue to smile through the treatments and relish the fact that in time it is for your benefit that you can run and jump and play like all other children, and not be restricted by your feet. There is no reason why you have this condition - there is no use looking for blame. You're just a very special boy who has been made this way - again, we don't know why but the way you handle it is truly amazing...

And now my baby boy, we have moved away from your nanny and poppy and cousins that you loved. You have coped with moving well too. You will adjust because for you your memories are only now being made. You probably wont recall living in Tasmania at all. This saddens me, but I know that you will make wonderful memories and a life for yourself here in South Australia (or wherever life takes you) You have already made some good friends here (quite a feat for a 2 year old!!!) you have made this transition for the rest of us so much more pleasurable as we see you take in this new experience as well.. You are teaching us to look at the world with a childs eyes - just like you do. You have brought the innocence back to us, in a way only a child can do - you my dear boy have shown us and taught us despite your tender age all this...

So my baby boy, this second year of your life comes to an end tomorrow as you turn 2 years old. So much has happened in your short life, you have learned so much, you have grown and you have loved. You have also taught so much as well.. You've brought joy to so many around you as well as unconditional love. You are such a delightful blessing and as you move into your third year of life I pray that you continue as you have done with a smile on your face, love in your heart and innocence in your life. You are a precious little man and one in a trillion.

I love you my beautiful boy and am soooo proud and honoured to be your mummy.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow my cheeky little man...

It's a new day for beautiful memories to be made xxxxx

I Really Can't Believe It!!!

2010-09-29T20:43:00.004+10:00

Domenik's about to turn 2 years old!!!! I know a lot of time has passed, and I feel that time has passed slowly - but at the same time I also feel it's passed ultra quickly as well....

I know that doesn't make sense, but when we sit back and look at how far our little family has come these past 2 years, the evolutions that has happened within us, the way we've stepped out on our own, overcome sooooo much and are still moving forward - that whole process isn't something that happens overnight, so on that aspect, yes time has traveled quite slowly... we've been on a long hard, slow journey...

But then I remember little Dommy entering our lives, I remember his first smile, his first roll over, his little cheeky bubbyness... Time has flown so quickly for us to get here with him.... It's like only yesterday he was born... Only yesterday how I marveled at his baby blue eyes turning hazel and then rich chocolate brown... Only yesterday that he was a little baby - and now we stand here with a cheeky little toddler in tow (who incidentally loves to see himself in the mirror and said "hello" to his own reflection in a shop today as I wheeled him past a huge mirror display!!!)

Yes Dommy - you're busted!!!
Stealing sugar from the sugar container (eating from a fork mind you!!!)

Time sure has flown... and I know I'll be saying this again in 12 months time and then in 6 years time and again in 16 years time... I know it's the same for all parents... no matter how difficult a time their kids give them, how many heart stopping moments they give us... I know that no matter how much we want to stop the clock and make things spin that little more slower we can't.. We just treasure each and every moment with our babies as they grow up... and remember back to when they were sweet little babies and know that we were honoured to have been blessed with this little being to shape and mold as one of our own.

They all Bowl....

2010-09-27T16:04:00.007+10:00

except me **sob** Dommy had his first real bowl last night... He' been itching to get out and bowl with the older kids for so long... He knows the bowling alley - he looks for the big pin ever time we go down commercial street and are near Elizabeth street - oh he knows where it all is!!!

So last night, David (the centre owner) gave into his pleading, big brown eyes that were begging to be released and allowed out to experience the thrill of hitting pins with a big bad-ass ball (however in his case it was a fluorescent orange 5lb ball LOL)

Oh where has my baby boy gone to?? I don't know, but he's growing up soooo quickly and is now officially a bowler as well... do I (as someone who has only bowled once in her life!!!) feel like the odd one out or what?!?!?! LOL

**please excuse the quality of these pics,
I had to use my phone's camera - I wasn't
expecting such a momentous (lol)
occasion to occur!!!**

Dom's first ever bowl... hmmm a little far away from the line doncha think?!?!

hmmmm, that's a better place to start!!!

Wahoo - pins down (at last - the ball was a 5lber and took AGES to get to the pins!!!)
Hi-5's all around!!!

The 'F' Word!!!

2010-09-23T09:08:00.004+10:00

I have a silly smile on my face this morning... And happiness bubbling up - all is coming right with the world :) Aleks has FINALLY started using the 'F' word!!! I'm sooooo happy that he is settling and feeling comfortable to use it at long last :)

It's taken a lot of frustration , tears, tantrums (on my part mostly LOL) a few meltdowns and a lot of questions as to why... But we got there in the end.

Oh I know that he had it in him. I knew that the 'F' word would come out of his mouth soon - I could see it coming closer to the tip of his tongue each and every day - especially if I would question and push him - I could see it, but there was also a little glimmer of fear in his eyes and I knew that few and self consciousness was holding him back... But since he's said it once - Wowsers!!! It's always in his vocabulary now - there's no stopping him!!!

And since he's been using the 'F' word the change in him is astronomical!!! You can see him walk down the street and puff his chest out - he's really finding his stride - just because of this little word!!! He' grown almost 2cm too - it's from starting to stand up straight and tall and be proud of who he is and confident that this word is going to be with him for life - and it's a very powerful word!!!

But it's not just us who has helped make this change - it's an older boy at school that Aleks has hooked up with. This boy seems quite lovely. He's been collecting Aleks before school and after school so they walk to school practicing their vocabulary - he is the reason that the 'F' word is being used so much around here :) He's one grade higher than Aleks but seems to have really taken him under his wing - he's polite and caring - he even played peek-a-boo with Dommy around the front door this morning when he picked Aleks up for their walk to school!!!

I really do love using the 'F' word, and am so pleased that my kids are using it too - especially Aleks!!! It's taken some time, some perseverance, but I think he's on the right track at long last ;)

After all where would we all be if it wasn't for this 'F' word...

FRIEND

xxx

Married, Single Other....

2010-09-19T23:48:00.002+10:00

I've just watched tonights episode of this show... I'm shocked with the emotion it stirred within me. I probably shouldn't be shocked...

It was such a sad, happy, poignant, uplifting, thought provoking episode tonight. I wont go into details (just in case anyone from WA may read this and it wont yet have aired.)

Something in me knew how it was going to end. I just knew it... Even so I couldn't take my eyes off the TV screen...

What would I do if I was told I'd have less than 6 months to live? I honestly don't know... I'd be devastated - not for me, but for my family I was leaving behind. I'd try to cram as much loving and living in that I could. I'd make sure that all my memories were written down or recorded for my children to have ready access to. There wouldn't be a way that they would forget their mother and how much she loved them.

I'd have to write down all routines, recipes etc for Nathan. I'd make a famiy instruction manual for him... and in it would me little messages that I would hope would make him smile and keep him going.. Let him know what a wonderful job he was doing and what a great father he is - and just how much potential he has in life...

All my children would have a scrapbook made for them - with similar messages. In there I would let them know what dreams I have for them. How I know that they are strong little individuals, and as much as that can cause their parents grief when we butt heads it makes me proud that they have the strength to stand up for what they believe in - even if it is just to play on the playstation each and every day!!! That being said, I think little Dommy's would be the hardest to write - knowing that he will grow up with his mum being just another face in a photograph... That would be a tough thing to do - really tough!!!

I'm blessed thought that with the illnesses I have and have had, none of them are terminal - so **touch wood** I wont have to do such a thing...

What this show has really opened my eyes to is that you really do need to live in the now - you need to take each day as it comes and live it to it's fullest - if that's as simple as baking cookies for the kids (like we did today) then so be it - it's these little things that crate memories... You wont die regretting not mopping the floor that morning, or not making that last work meeting - you'd die regretting spending those little times with your children and family showing them you loved them...

I want my family to know just what they mean to me... I want all my memories, thoughts and dreams to be something special to treasure - this is why I scrapbook. But besides that it is a way I can tell my story. This blog is similar - it's an electronic diary, and a way I can tell my story to others etc... This is another way I can scrapbook - albeit with not as many photo's and a few more rambling thoughts... But if anything were to happen to me I'd want my children to come here and take comfort that they were never far from my thoughts, they were one of the ultimate reasons we took the opportunity to move to the mainland and spread our wings... they are the reason that we live and breathe... they are my life... They are my here and now, they are my future.... I swear my children will grow up knowing what they mean to me... they will grow up knowing where they came from, they will grow up knowing that no matter what happens they are important individuals and can do just about anything - they will know how proud I am of them and that I will always be here for them - if not in body (although I pray this wont happen for many many decades to come!!) but that I will always be with them with the scrapping I do, the writing I do and in the photographs I take of them.. each one of them holds a little bit of me, and they just need to turn a page and my love will be there for them to hold on to... no matter how far apart we are....

Back to Basics...

2010-09-15T19:46:00.002+10:00

the journey has begun!!!! Yeps, I'm going to say it out loud.... My aim is to have this family back to basics again and being as self sufficient as possible within the next 6 months. That means making maximum use of our veggie garden, fruit trees and getting back to real food and cleaning etc... At the moment I know we do a decent job using environmentally friendly and allergy friendly products, but here we have a house that makes it possible to be even more back to basics than using orange oil products etc....

Soooooo.... where do we begin - it's simple - baby steps!!!

Today we brought a bread oven - a HUGE expensive one (NOT) $29.95 from kmart - minus our 5% staff discount of course hahaha. Anyways, I brought some leuke bread mix - the one we were recommended previously when we were doing the whole elimination diet thing... So we're finally getting back to baking our own bread and reducing preservatives and chemicals in the kids diets there. This Saturday there's a scrapbook crop and one of the lovely ladies attending bakes her own bread very successfully from scratch and she is graciously going to let me in on the know how so we can go even further back to basics and get back to real old fashioned bread and different variations - looks like I'll be in the market for a bread loaf tin, but that's not neccessary to start with ;)

What else are we doing - well the veggie garden of course.. But with an over-productive lemon tree in the yard I want to start looking into using the fruit off this tree as a cleaner in the house. I know bi-carb and vinegar are great, but I'm pretty certain that I've seen where you can substitute the vinegar for lemons - a bit more research there, but hopefully we'll be moving away from store brought chemicals and sparkling up this house naturally ;)

We already use cloth nappies (MCN) for Domenik - hopefully this summer he'll be toilet training so we can reduce day nappies all being well (as cute as they are **sob**) but even with nappies I wash using Earths Choice, but I plan on moving back to soap nuts. Seriously, these little brown bits of nuts are great for washing - even better in the powdered form!!! We've still got some here in the back of a cupboard hiding (for some reason) I really should dig them out and put them back to work...

I've always been a 'green' girl at heart. I love the environment and want our home to be as safe as possible for my kids. With Domenik breaking out with red cheeks and dermatitis and then Williams long fought battle against allergies and anaphylaxis I want to make everything as safe and healthy for them as possible. If making a few changes helps them then I'll be as happy as a pig in mud - if it doesn't reduce these reactions then so-be-it.. at least we've made a change that will have benefits for the environment as well as for us in a fiscal manner ;) After all the back pocket needs looking after as well ;)

BTW - I'm not going to be anal about any changes - if it doesn't work then we'll go back to what is working for us now... I wont force my ideas onto anyone - everyone does what works for them, far be it from me to tell you what you should be doing - this is my plan... By putting it in writing I feel I need to be somewhat accountable and make action on the plan - otherwise it's simply another idea in my head that may not come to fruition - this way it may have a chance of working out ;)

Whoops

2010-09-14T13:53:00.003+10:00

it's been a while since I've posted here - shocking eh ;) Well... I can say that Operation Veggie Garden has well and truly commenced. I've got piccies too - I'll upload and update this evening all going well :) What else have I been up to?? Creating gorgeous works of art - that's what ;) I'm Guest Design Team member for the Scrapbooking Top 50 cyber crop for September, so I've been doing a couple of crafty bits an pieces there. It's all uploaded in my CRAFTY BLOG. Go check it out - I dare ya Mwahahhaaha

As for home front - all's going well at the moment. kids are their usual selves - trying, loving, fighting, annoying, exasperating... nothing new hahahhaa I'm LOVING spring here in the Mount, temp has hit the 16-17*C mark - something I'm not used to in September, I hope the hot weather doesn't arrive too soon!!! I'm kinda scared to think we'll be experiencing regular temps above 30*C, but it's something we're to get used to... especially as signs are looking good for Nathan to get permanency here **yaay** but that's not confirmed, just looking good ;)

Lots of good stuff happening at the moment (hey I believe in Karma - looks like it's coming around to us at long last!!!) Nathan's decided that I need the office more than he does - so I now have a dedicated CRAFT ROOM!!!!! I was hesitant at first to take it because I thought it might encroach on my sneaking scrapping time - you know where you're watching kids or dinner etc and just slide on over to the table to re-arrange (ummm complete from woe to go) a little LO.... yeah well, I guess time will tell - it's nice though to be able to leave stuff out and not have to worry about little fingers touching, or cats jumping and un-settling etc.... my little safe haven I guess ;) I'm loving it at the moment... time will tell if it will stay a love/love situation or not ;)

Oh yes - dad got the all clear from his last visit to the oncologist (I think that's who he saw today) There is no sign of the cancer **yay**!!!! He has 3 monthly visits and checks for a while and beside the general advice of living a healthy lifestyle he wont need any more treatment :) Biiiig sigh of relief there!!!

Hmmm that's pretty much an update at the moment.... I'm in the middle of organising myself for Domeniks 2nd birthday which is raching towards us with supersonic speed!!! I ask you - "where has the last 2 years gone"???? Seriously, time really has flown and I can't believe my baby boy is about to turn 2!!!! I think that is when homesickness will hit - celebrating his birthday (and Kahli's whose is 3 weeks after Dom's) and not having my family there.... It's going to be different - but we are learning to stand on our own two feet and this is something that will be done and will become familiar to us as well. It also marks 6 months (give or take a day or 3) of us arriving in South Australia!!! Sheesh, hasn't that time flown too!!!! So we're combining his birthday with a "statewarming" of sorts. We're going to have a BBQ at home, with all our new friends and generally celebrate this new phase of our lives and that our baby has completed his second full year on earth - and how much he has grown and learned and enriched our lives :) So Oct 3rd - be warned Mount Gambier - major parties happening at our house!!! the entertainment area is to be christened Bricknell style and lots of food, drink, Tassie culture (hahaha) and merriment to be had!!!!

and with that good note I'll sign off for now... off to start planning a menu fit for a king ;)

Spring has Sprung!!!!

2010-09-08T11:19:00.002+10:00

And it's time to turn the weed patch behind the water tank into a glorious veggie garden!!! Well first it's to work out how to remove the knee high stinging nettles from the garden beds first - any ideas?!?!?! I'm thinking long sleeved shirts, gloves and boots with hard manual labour could be the most likely outcome...

Anyhoos, I'm currently working on a list of what I want to plant. I know it'll be mostly heirloom veggies so I will be able to harvest the seeds for next years crops - and I want unusual things, like purple carrots, black tomatoes and brown capsicum - things that will make the kids want to get out there and join in the fun :)

I honestly love gardening, and am feeling sooo free now that I'm not running after anyone apart from my family that I can actually get back to the things I love and spend time on us - that probably doesn't make sense, but the last few years I feel I've been running after other people or working so haven't had quality time as a family to work on us - and the shackles are released so this free feeling I have is just so umm.. I think liberating is the right word!!

Anyways I digress again LOL I'm looking at some tomatoes, I'm thinking at least one red, yellow, green and black of regular size and cherry varieties, and similar for capsicum. Lots of different varieties of carrots and lettuce... ummm squash, cucumber, zucchini and beans too... then I'll rotate into winter crops when the seasons start to cool off - Now it's a case of working out what varieties grow best here in SA. I know what grows well in Tassie - but the whether here's just a tad (read a whole LOT!) different here LOL Oh and I'm thinking it would be great if we can grow melons here - We're going to be inundated with fruit as it is with our mini orchard (cherry, apple, apricot, peach, nectarine, orange, plum and a couple of unknown fruiting trees as well as our over-productive lemon tree) but some melons would be a great addition - oh and strawberries too!!!!

Oh and on top of that I've added something else to my "wishlist" of gifts - I want to start preserving again. With all these fruit trees and hopefully a generous veggie garden we're going to be inundated with fresh produce (well that's the dream LOL) so an electric preserver kit would be a god send - it'll mean we will have canned fruit and tomatoes from our garden well into winter and help a lot with budgeting and making things last :) I don't think that's asking too much ;) I've yet to spring this one on Nathan - I wonder if I can convince him it'll be a worth while birthday present... hmmmm

So yes, spring has sprung - even the wind here is warm!!! Something I'm not accustomed to unless it's the middle of summer!!! So I'm planning for a bounteous few seasons ahead and looking forward to a wonderful time ahead for us - yes it's just a veggie garden, but it's been years since I've had a proper veggie garden, let alone the time to spend in it!!! I can't wait to get my hands into the warm earth and feel the sun on my face :)

Yeps - I can feel my old self coming back.. I feel myself coming alive and finding me again :) It's a great feeling to finally wake up and out of the darkness!!!!

They're Gonna be TV Stars!!!!

2010-09-07T09:56:00.003+10:00

well ad stars at least LOL. Last week the kids came home from bowling extra excited. David from Gambier Bowl had asked them to feature in his commercial that was to be shot on the following Monday.

Soooo yesterday after school I dressed them semi-good... They weren't to be in their Sunday best - but gosh was it hard to resist that!!! LOL and sent them off all excited :)

I didn't see them back in the door until after 8.30pm (mostly because Nathan bowled in place for someone in the Monday league) They came running into the house, a mess of arms, legs and gabbing mouths - they were sooooooo hyped (it could have been the junk food and fizzy drinks they were plied with) they were soooooo excited and soooooo overtired all at the same time.

Apparently they were filmed playing solo, as a family with 'fake' parents and siblings and also as a group and having a party! There were other kids and adults there as well so it wasn;t just my brats. How much of them will be in the short 30 second ad is anyone's guess - I hope that my warning will be heeded and they don't start to compare airtime or expect to be a 'star' or (my biggest dread) they expect everything filmed to be on the ad - but really, I know it wont be - they're expecting a movie length commercial to be aired I'm sure!!! Soooo come the end of September you'll be seeing my rambunctious trio on your TV screens if you live in the SE part of SA ;)

Happy Anniversary xxx

2010-09-06T12:28:00.004+10:00

Well Nate,

13 years have now officially come and gone since we met at the other end of the aisle at the Ulverstone Gospel Hall...

13 years have some and gone with lots of laughs, smiles, tears, pain, happiness, sadness, love and support.

13 years have brought out the best in us as well at times the worst.

We've been through a lot. We've had our hearts ripped out and shredded, and then picked up and taped back together - not in the same condition or shape they were originally in - but a better shape, some of the pieces were re-arranged and will never go back to the innocent, natural shape they were - but they're even better because now parts of your heart mingle with mine, and parts of mine with yours...

We will never be divided and I think what we've been through in the last 12 months prove that now....

Even thought we've not been together the whole of this time I always felt connected to you and that we would come back together... Time is a great teacher and healer and look at us now!!!

We're branching out onto a new path together. We have 4 gorgeous and wonderful children who fill our home with happy voices (well in the most part LOL) and joy. We've lots of new adventures to be had and new lessons to learn - but I think we've braved the worst of the storms and have mostly sunny days ahead.

Together we move into our 14th year of marriage and together we can build a whole new world for us and our family, no matter where life takes us - if we're together it will be worth it. We've grown up a lot since we first got married... and we've a lot of growing ahead of us still... but remember that word - together!!!

Love you heaps and so glad to have you still by my side

xxx

Happy Fathers Day!!!

2010-09-05T12:45:00.005+10:00

Today is a day to celebrate and remember our father figures. I know not everyone has a great dad or even a dad they know, let alone a dad they want to remember... not all dads are the best but I'm lucky enough to have a dad who does love and care for us.

Nothing is usually too much for him, the countless times we've called him out to fix things, do things for us etc etc.... It's one of the challenges we have now that we're interstate - I can't call dad if our car has a coughing fit or I need something checked on the clothes dryer etc... And to be blunt, as much as I love Nathan a handy man he is not ROFL

My dad hasn't had the best of years, but putting a positive spin on things he's come through and is still upright and now has a clean bill of health. He's been battling prostrate cancer since the end of last year and has recently had the all clear with frequent follow-ups he should be A-OK. This was a tough time for us but we're through the worst of it... He's also rebuffed some ridiculous claims from a mentally unstable girl we had at the home... we still rose above it and move forward... 2010 has been far from an easy year, but it really made us learn who were there for us, who really loved and cares for us and who will be there in the future - and my dad will be one of those always by our sides whether in person or in spirit

So this one's for you dad - Have a wonderful Fathers Day 2010 :) Sorry I didn't get my card to you before the actual date (augh this week flew too fast!!!) but you'll get it next week AP willing!!!!

and to all the other worthy fathers and father figures I wish you all a great fathers day as well **huggles**

Wahoo!!

2010-09-04T21:24:00.002+10:00

I think I've passed a hurdle these past few days... Things that used to upset me, that I thought would hurt jsut aren't any more. I think I'm learning to let go and really REALLY move forward ;)

I feel so happy and content with my decisions. Happy and content that we're doing the right thing and that all will be good for the future.

I feel happy and content!!!

Yes!!

For real!!!!

I've shaken the bleakness from the last two years in particular and am moving forward....

I don't hurt, I'm not bruised anymore...

My eyes have been opened, I feel as though what I suspected to be true has been confirmed and I'm trusting myself again...

I'm happy, and I'm content... and I feel this deep down inside....

Something I've not been able to say for a long long time... I've cut off the weights that held me down, I can turn away from the nasty blackness that was clinging to me and I feel free and ready to move into the next phase of my life....

I shouldn't be suprised, I've come a long way these last few months... I think I'm surpising not only myself but also my mum in particular with my resolve and not needing to respond to things that have been said, accused etc etc...

I've finally learned that if people want to talk trash, they want to believe trash then let them. If they're gossiping to me then they're also gossiping to others, if they're lying to me they're also lying to others - and ultimately they're only hurting themselves...

I'm not doing that - Onwards and upwards... Myself and my l;ittle family - to whatever adventures life may take us to :)

Thankyou!

2010-09-04T11:21:00.002+10:00

I'm not sure If I've thanked all my friends and people in my life at the moment or not (too lazy to look back and check so saying it again if I already had :P)

I want to say thankyou to everyone I have in my life at the moment, family friends, online and in real life, old friends and new... You are all in my life for a reason - I loves ya all :)

The most important thing you've given me is a soft place to fall and an ear to listen...

You've made me realise that I'm normal! That's a BIG thing for me!!!

I know that living in a small town/are etc isn't always all it's cracked up to be LOL and spending time around those who aren't positive tend to rub off on you... You my dear friends are positive, butt kicking kind of people and I love that...

I love that whilst I've been on this journey of finding me that you've hung around and supported me when it would be so easy to run :)

I appreciate the support and love I've had back in bucket loads - it's something I've missed when I was isolating myself from the world trying to cope with the hands that life has dealt us.

Most of all I love you all as individuals, I appreciate everything you do and love that you keep my head firmly pointed to the future - the past is something to be put behind me... the future is where I live!!!

And you my dear friends are my future!!! In real life, online, old or new, it makes no difference, genuine love and friendship can be felt from one end of the world to the other - it's such a magical thing when it's legitimate and real :)

So from the bottom of my heart - THANK YOU!!!!

A Little Bit Ironic....

2010-09-03T19:46:00.003+10:00

Dont ya think??? Well I LOVE that song my Alanis Morrisette and I'm finding some little bits of my life seem to mirror that song...

It's amaaaazing how many people wanted to be my friend when I offered free portfolio shoots when I was looking at starting up a business when still in Tassie - and it's amazing how quickly they turned when I found out about moving to SA - in a space of a week I was getting nasty emails, letters, people dropped off my facebook page and all - they ran! It was like they were saying she's not good for freebies anymore, lets go look for the next sucker!!!

And yet through all this I still had people who would tell me that I was reading the situation wrong, that I as too cynical etc etc... Well now look who are eating their words!!! Definitely not me!!!

Just a little bit ironic - don't ya think ;)

Me? I knew the story and how it would end... I knew these people only wanted me for what I could give them for free, and nothing more... They were never there for me, they were never really my friends... That is why peoples it's wise to protect yourself - I did this protection by getting model releases from them all :) I'm all covered and they thought they were using me, but I protected myself professionally, legally as well as emotionally by not expecting more from them than that which was superficial... Always know where you stand - it's not worth the pain otherwise!!!

I know that at times I can be a real softie and a sucker, when I give my all to people I really do do that - I give my all... But in this situation I knew the cards, I knew the game and wasn't being sucked in...

The reason I raise this is in response to a conversation I had yesterday - I knew there was an individual out there who was feigning friendship to get all she could out of me... I knew the story but I kept being told by others that she was legit... Those 'others' are now well aware of this individuals workings and realise that I was right! I've found my gut instinct to be correct so many times rather than not - I've just had it confirmed yet again - so I really do need to be more confident in my gut instinct and back myself... There's a reason some of us girls have a 6th sense ;)

And the biggest irony - the person who insisted this individual was legit, the person who confirmed to me that this person was only out to get all she could from me is the person who betrayed and hurt me in the worst possible way - yeah, that's quite ironic - don't you think???

The best way to get one up on those who hurt you in the past is to live your life to the best of your ability and move onwards and upwards - that's just what I intend on and am doing :)

I'm baaack!!

2010-08-30T20:46:00.002+10:00

From retreat that is :) I had a great time away - it was sooo therapeutic to be out of the house, no kids, no stress, no pressure and just be with like minded people who didn't judge and we just laughed and laughed!!! I'll have piccies and more in my crafty blog maybe later this evening or tomorrow depending on when fatigue catches up with me ;)

The thing I've really noticed when getting home is just how much I missed my kids and yeah, I guess Nathan too :P Dommy seems to have grown up soooo much over the last 3 days!! I know the reality is that he hasn't, but the time away opened my eyes on how he really is a big boy now - he's no longer a baby :( That's sad but so exciting a the same time. He's such a gorgeous kid, really happy and caring and sharing at the same time. He's so smart and inquisitive - this boy really is a full time job to keep entertained and have his curiosity satiated - and I love that!! I love that he has a thirst for knowledge and a love of life.

the older children are also growing up before my eyes. I detected the first ever so slight crack in Aleksandir's voice. He's on the cusp of becoming a man and so confused about himself and where his place in this world still - but I know that he's happy at home and that makes me confident that he will in time start to feel comfortable within himself - we simply need to continue to be a rock for him at home to which he can anchor himself to and know that there are places that he can come to if he falls or needs a hand... It's scary for me to see him grow into a man, I know that he'll grow and move out of home sooner that I want him to, I know that I'll always worry about my special boy... but I'm so proud of all he has done and all he has become in such a short time, and how far he will go - he has the determination to achieve I hope that we can get some assistance in helping him with his self confidence and learning to like himself soon so his potential can be reached.

Kahli is very very quickly becoming a young woman. She's fast becoming a teenage girl and I thin I can see a little girliness creep into her!!! She's starting to notice more about herself and become a little more aware about her moods and behaviour which is a HUGE step for her. She's always been the little spitfire of a red bead - which can be adorable in a little toddler at times, but as a bigger kid it was rather wearing!! I have no idea where life is going to lead her, but I know that prety soon we'll be needing to fight the boys off with a bat - she's a very good looking girl, and I think under all her lacking of confidence, she knows that... How to stop her becoming vain - I've no idea... Hopefully she'll take any compliments and attention she gets with grace...

William is learning that he has a skill for art. It's in the blood really as pop was always drawing and made a living as a sign writer in his later years. Pop fostered a love of art in me and I hope that I can pass this on to William :) Wil is as the others are growing incredibly fast. I think he's making up for his many years of not growing when he was younger because he's shooting up and becoming a bean pole - just the other day he was wearing his size 8 jeans and holding them up with Domeniks little size 1 belt!!! It fit Wil perfectly!!! He's not emaciated - he muscly (for a boy) but there's not one ounce of fat on him!!! A very healthy and active growing boy!!! William seems to be very popular, which has brought with it it's own problems.. mostly with his behavioral and language at times mimicking those who he's been having around with at school - not the prettiest, but he knows and accepts any correction or punishment if required quite well once it's explained to him. He seem to be quite adaptable and even though he's only 9 years old he at times seems much wiser beyond his years - he's going to go far in this world if he can keep out of the bad crowds... He is such an intelligent and quick witted boy - my hands are full but I know that he repays it with love and I pray that this continues as he gets older...

So, besides me finally relaxing I've had my eyes opened and have come to realise that I can't fight my children growing up. It's not all bad, I'm so proud of them and can see that they all have potential to be brilliant young men and women. I love that they love me, that they are usually well mannered and at the moment walking what seems to be the right path in life for them. They are intelligent in their own ways, caring, loving and depsite all their fighting and harsh words I know that they love each other and will always be there to protect each others backs...

I guess I've learned to acknowledge that my family despite its foibles and daily grind is a loving family that functions and love each other... I love them, they love me... and even though I wasn't in the house for almost 3 days things didn't fall apart - they held everything together... For that I'm secretly (don't tell him though) proud of Nathan and the kids. I think we're heading down the right road for once - and we're doing it together and with confidence.. We're finding ourselves on this track and finally growing up - all of us.

Another Aspie "moment"

2010-08-25T23:39:00.002+10:00

This morning we had bedlam in the house....

To run up to the situation I should explain that the kids school had a renowned teen book illustrator (Craig Smith I believe - I'll confirm this when I'm suitably alert LOL) come to the school early this week. There was a master class where 30 students in the school would have a private session with him and to get into this master class they had to have their parents write a letter explaining the childs involvement in art, the child then also had to complete an answer as to why they like art and what art means to them and then they had to include 3 pieces of artwork to the application. From this (as I mentioned earlier) 30 students in the whole school were selected. My 3 older kids all applied... And William was lucky enough to be selected!! he was the youngest approved applicant and over the moon!!!

So on Tuesday William had his master class with Craig Smith and came home all excited that he had one of his own drawings autographed by the artist!!! it has been his prized possession and all Wil wanted to do was draw and draw and draw ever since!!!

So what is this moment I'm talking about???

Well Aleks has always loved art. He's not bad at it either, it's been a way for him to express himself, but when his little brother was accepted for this opportunity and not him he became very jealous. He missed the general class session with Craig Smith because he pulled a sickie on Tuesday - he didn't know that the classes were having general sessions until the next day when he found out that he had missed the opportunity once again...

So this morning at around 6.30am all i could hear was the boys screaming and fighting. William was inconsolable and it was all I could do to get him calm enough to find out what had happened. Aleks was was walking down the hallway to his bedroom, I could tell he was shutting down and no emotion in him at all. So we get out of William that Aleks took his autographed picture and had thrown it into the fire. It was gone :(

I've no idea where to go with this one. We were hoping that Craig Smith was going to be at the school again today so we could get another picture autographed, but no, he's already gone :( We've had absolutely nothing from Aleks in relation to what happened. It;s as though it never happened - he has however been trying to get William to take his art kits from him... so I know he understands he has done wrong and has some emotion about it all - I just wish at times that we could break down the brick wall that is around his emotive side and get through to him that he can't lash out and then shut down like this !!!

It's been a while since I've had to deal with him doing something like this.. He used to be quite viscous and hostile with his actions, he'd shut down and become very spiteful - with no emotions or anything of the like... it';s so hard to explain. But I saw this in Aleks again this morning.. I know there's not much we can do until we've ran the gamut of testing etc again through the school... but deep down it's shaken me... I thought we were past this non-responsive state... it looks like we can't be complacent with this at all anymore... Not only has he now shown the capability to destroy items again, but he's done this with a lit fire!!! this really scares me, if his sleeve caught alight what would happen whilst he's in a shut down state??? I just don't know...

He's getting so big too - he's taller than me now... I hate to think what he could do or how I would restrain him if I ever have to again.... I think I need to get back onto the school counselors to speed up this testing... I think we're going to need help and soon with Aleks - and especially for the other kids to cope if things to escalate, they can't ever feel they're being pushed aside and Aleks is being cossetted because of bad behaviour - they don't understand at the moment that Aleks is different, and that we're dealing with something even adults sometimes don't cope with - they don't need to be lumbered with this condition as well... it's not their fault!!! for that matter it's not Alek's fault either - it's no one's fault!!! We've been told things can get worse at puberty - I hope they don't get as bad as they were many years ago... I want my loving big boy to be happy, adjusted and comfortable in his own skin - I didn't think that was ever too much to ask.....

Not Long Now....

2010-08-25T18:18:00.002+10:00

Until we head off for the retreat! It's in an are of Victoria I'm totally NOT familiar with so getting there will be an adventure for me - Luckily I've got the gorgeous Vicki to come along and she know's where she going - kinda LOL

It's such a weird experience for me to be traveling in areas I don't know... I've grown up very familiar with Tassie from when dad was a truckie and we used to sit in the back of his truck (he had a sleeper berth) and we'd go along for the ride - seat-belts weren't mandatory then.. hmmm not that safe now that I think about it!! LOL So I've known just about all the roads of Tassie from a baby girl.. to be traveling areas and not know what they look like, where to turn off etc etc is really foreign to me - another thing to add to the excitement!!! :)

So I think I've packed too much already - I need to cull what's in my scrapping bags - oh clothes, easy peasy... when you don't have that big a selection it kinda selects itself ;) But scrapping supplies... that's another thing... I don't know what I'll need exactly so want to be prepared for anything, but know I can't take everything!!!! I've got tomorrow to get things finalised because we'll be leaving reasonably early Friday morning - and returning Sunday afternoon - a weekend with no kids!! that's going to be bliss!!!! Well, except for coming home to a bombsite, but it'll be worth it ;)

So the countdown is on, bags are already groaning at what is in them... and I'm getting nervous about meeting a heap of people I've chatted to online but never actually met... all the insecurities are zooming around my head but I'm trying to push them aside.... I'm sure they are all as lovely as they seem to be online - hey I know they will be.. my insecurities lie within myself - I'll get over it I know... it all takes time - one little step at a time...

Most of all I KNOW it's going to be a great weekend ;)

About to have a moment

2010-08-24T09:42:00.002+10:00

Augh!! I'm feeling so blah today!!! Tired, no strike that physically exhausted!! My brain feels like mush and I really feel like sitting down and bursting into tears from exhaustion!! I know it's mostly hormonal oh, you know that dreaded cycle we women put up with Grrr.... Anyways it's dreadful here at the moment.

Nathan's snapping - or is it just the way I'm reading it - dunno, really couldn't care less at the moment LOL Just wallowing in my miserableness (wow! I didn't realise that was actually a word!!!) He's started re-arranging the house - something he used to do all the time on leave... Something he's obviously still doing when on holidays!!! It's probably going to work out for the better because when we moved in here we had no furniture and when it arrived we didn't experiment because we were just so happy to have a house and be 'home'... but still - it's not helping my misery guts at the moment ;)

I've also got Aleks home with what appears to be the flu - so in kind I'm hoping he's not sharing it with me and that's why I'm feeling *blah* School sent him home yesterday with a headache/earache so I spent all day nursing a pre-teen who thought he was sick enough to be home from school but well enough to be up playing the PS hmmmmmm yeah - kids hey ;)

Anyways, I'm here wallowing... wallow, wallow, wallow.... I really should do something productive today but thinking I'll just sit down and finish some swaps for the month and vegetate ;)

Foot in Mouth???

2010-08-21T20:02:00.002+10:00

Do you ever feel like you're always saying the wrong thing or don't know what to say in social situations? Well that is me. I'm so socially awkward and unsure of myself it's been easier to avoid social situations rather than constantly feel like I'm so inept in something as simple as conversation. I often feel (even if it's not said or indicated) that I've said or done the wrong thing. Often I find that there's a funny little silence when I'm around as though no one knows what to say or do - myself mostly there too...

It could be me totally mis-reading the situation too... I know I can be sensitive to things like that...

But this evening someone we know recently lost a baby. She posted on a social networking site that she couldn't believe that she wasn't pregnant and wishing those who were pregnant that they have healthy babies. Anyways I (in my stupid non thinking way) went forward and commented, saying that she should be kind to herself, not feel any guilt and that we were thinking of her. She quickly came back with that she wasn't feeling any guilt and all is getting better... I think I could have offended her. I don't know to be certain, but I feel I've said the wrong thing to have her come back so quickly...

Anyhoos, this is my life. Trying to so the right thing, be supportive etc... let people have a shoulder to cry one and I so often feel I've not said or done the right thing, let alone offended people with stupid things like this.

I know my heart is in the right place. I really do care about my friends and family, I guess that I want them to know I'm here for them... but all too often foot in mouth syndrome kicks in!!!!

Mummy Guilt....

2010-08-20T14:57:00.003+10:00

really suck doesn't it! I'm pushing it aside and trying to look forward to relaxing next weekend at the Scraphappy Kat's retreat...

I know I need to relax, it's just been totally confirmed by Ursula's recent visit (and she came back for a second, however but less poisonous visit last night)

I'm hoping that I can shake off the last few months and really relax and feel 'safe'. that feels really funny saying that. I don't know if 'safe' is really the right word or not, but less anxious I guess... I can't really put my finger on it. I want to feel that I have people around me who are happy and want me to be there, that will be friends with no knives in the back kind of situation - the situation that I've been living these past 2 years.

I'm trying not to be so cynical. If you asked me this time last year about being cynical I would have laughed at you - I wasn't as cynical and feeling as burnt and blistered this time last year. i had faith that the people we have befriended were going to be our friends, and a good strong long term friendship...

But then I don't want the evil they brought into my life to dampen any future friendships and relationships I have.

I want to feel carefree again, I don't want to be sitting here thinking that they're only my friend for a reason or they're just pretending etc etc...

I know this feeling will pass in time - I just with that time would fast forward so I can relax and stop thinking that I have to do something to have someone be my friend - I want to know that they want me to be their friend because they like me, not for that I bring to them...

This probably sounds really stupid, but I know that stories are still being bandies about in Tassie - I'm so happy I'm not there... because if I was I would have no idea who to trust, I'd feel so unsafe not physically, but emotionally and with my reputation - it's amazing how someone in a reasonably places position in society can all but wipe someone out with their lies because of their own jealousies! I wont let them beat me, but it's sure hard to keep getting back up!!!

So here I am, open, raw and trying to find myself... trying to realise that i do have positives that I don't need to 'earn' friendships... I want to be the 5 year old in the school yard who could go up to anyone and know that they would be her friend because that's what kids do.... I want to trust humanity again... and I want to feel worthwhile, not just being able to say the words - I want to really know and feel that I'm worthwhile and wanted and have a place in other peoples lives... I guess I want to have trust in myself and my own worth...

I want to be able to go away next weekend and relax, know that I'm really wanted, appreciated and not just another bum on a seat... I want a lot in words, but I don;t think it's all that much in reality - I want to find myself and be loved for myself....

So mummy guilt is there, I feel guilty about taking money out of the kitty to go away, I feel guilty about leaving my kids for something 'frivelous'. the last time I left my kids for any amount of time was to stop my so called 'friend' from committing suicide and keeping her on earth for her children - the only time I've ever left my children was to be doing something for someone else... I've never left my family to do something for me... This is where the mummy guilt is kicking in... I don't know if I'm doing the right thing in leaving them for something I want to do - but at the same time I know I need to get away and relax and be somewhere I feel I am wanted for simply being 'me'...

Sorry for the ramble, it probably makes absolutely no sense at all... I need to get these thoughts out of my head and try to process...

Monday, Monday...

2010-08-16T13:20:00.002+10:00

Yep, it's Monday, another work week has begun... What's different abut this week is it is the last week of electioneering here in Australia and I'm soooo glad to be nearing the end of it all!! I was over the ads within 24 hours LOL. I think I feel the nationwide apathy towards the election at the moment... There's not much being offered and it's not that exciting really! Another swinging voter left swinging here ;)

Anyhoos, I hate talking politics so wont any more (well not for today) The last couple of days Ursula (the ulcer) has taken her toll. Yesterday I was able top perk up enough to go take some photo's for a friend who just had her first baby - what a gorgeous little family they make!!! It's re-kindled my desire to get into photography... I don't know how I'll work getting out there, or if it'll work but you have to give your passion a go hey ;)

Charm has been urging me to have a stall at the market to sell some scrappy creations I've been making so I'm thinking I might put some fathers day and baby welcome cards together with some of my images and print off a portfolio album and maybe some business cards and have a stall this weekend - it's all kinda last minute, and will depend on how Ursula is behaving... I wont go in with any expectations so wont be disappointed, I would like though to sell a few items to cover the cost of the stall though...

Talking business I'd only be able to work on Nathan's RDO's - but at least they are rostered so I know when they are!

So whatcha think? Am I blowing into the wind? is it a pipe dream? In a way I hope not because now more than ever we need to start looking at maybe another income in this house, especially if we need to start weekly trips to Adelaide to get Dommy's feet treated... so much to work out - I think it's time to start getting pro-active again - I don't like not working LOL sad eh ;) I feel at such a loss as what to do with myself, I think that's also cause for my loss of mojo.

well off to continue urging Ursula to leave me alone... I've spent most of the day on the couch dozing whilst Dommy had his nap... he's now up so I need to be more alert... but I'll try to keep things low key because I think I can feel Ursula slowly loosening her grasp on my stomach!!! well here's hoping the week runs smoothly and this time next week all the election, pain and doubts will be over!!!

Ouchies...

2010-08-14T22:04:00.002+10:00

I'm in a reasonably amount of pain at the moment - physical type that is. I think my stomach ulcer is trying to remind me it's still there lurking under the surface... I'm sincerely hoping it doesn't play up and will be back in it's bopx by morning - I've tooo much on this month to be brought under by an ulcer!!!

Besides that I know what the docs will say if I ahve to go to hospital - the first thing will be "are you under or been under any stress?" Hmmm what would my honest reply to that be I wonder ROFL

Anyways, bedtime here to see if I can get this under control with a little relaxation and sleep

xxx

The Journey of Finding Me....

2010-08-12T14:35:00.002+10:00

That seems to be what this blog has become. I'm not ashamed of it - sometimes it's been my only 'friend' who has been really here for me, the fact that this 'friend' has spoken to other people is nothing to be ashamed of. I like the idea that I can look back on my blog and see just how far I've come.

I think I'm slowly coming to realise that I'm not that bad a person - And I'm saying that with no pride. I am generous, loving, curious, sometimes funny, often shy and lots more - but these are all little bits that make me. I know that I hurt easily and have been hurt bad by people throughout my life - but those little hurts are again things that make me me.. it's because I've hurt like this that I know I'd never ever hurt anyone in the same way. Of course there are negatives about me... I'm shy - painfully shy at times, I have a LONG way top go before I feel self confident about myself.. I thought I was getting somewhere with that but the previous 18 months before moving really shot that to pieces... I have trust issues, enjoy food a little too much and excercise a little to infrequently (but hey, I know there's a lot who have that to own up to LOL) so yeah., there are things I need to work on still... but I'm starting to learn how to acknowledge these things and embrace them within myself. I may never become the life of the party - but at least I know that I may just be invited to a few parties because some people out there think I'm worth it - so if they think I'm worth it then I must be!!!

So I'm starting to grow up I think - maybe it's the new independence I've found since moving that's shoved this all in my face? Who knows, but I'm starting to feel ok, things are alright.. it's ok that some things go pear shape and others are perfect... I have my family with me and by my side, and even if people don't like me or want to try to cause trouble for me that's ok - because that reflects mostly on them - not me!!!

So as I sit here watching Domenik play make-believe, knowing my older kids are safe and learning at school I can smile and know that I'm doing a good job at raising them, my kids love me, and I them, I have a husband who loves me and friends throughout the world who care for me too - so things aren't all bad, they're not all painful.. things are definitely looking up :)

Finally...

2010-08-10T11:24:00.002+10:00

I think I'm starting to relax - properly relax!!

I realise stressing about things, playing them over in my mind and making myself sick about things wont help. Things that are done or that are coming up will happen and have happened. It's a case of one step after the other and trying to make everything as positive as possible and moving forward.... Like I said, one step after another :)

I'm finding my body is telling me to sleep of a night now, something I've not had for a long time. I'm getting tired and my brain is switching off for me. I think it's the acceptance of change and knowing that whatever may come we've been through some of the worst that life can throw at us, we can and will cope with whatever may come our way...

I've also come to the conclusion that the reason I've struggled so much with moving etc is simply (what I've mentioned before) the lack of preparation. I didn't think of myself as a control freak before but I probably do want to have things controlled and planned out - it comes from having kids who are different from the norm and who need to have even going out for the day planned down to how many cloth nappies, epi-pens, snacks etc to take with us - I didn't used to think I was that anal, but I most likely am... 9 years of planning everything down to where the closest hospital and quickest route has made me this way :)

Soooo I can't change the preparation thing, but I can start to accept that it's happened, we are here - we're all in one piece and I just have to take one step after the other and embrace the opportunity we have now to become MAINLANDERS!!!! Something I never thought I'd ever say but no need to run from it - the word hasn't stopped spinning, water still runs from the taps and is drinkable, the sky is still blue and you know what - the best thing is the locals still speak English - and with an Australian accent - fancy that!! ROFL

Onwards and upwards, no regrets, no looking back, only looking forward :)

Lots of Giveaways...

2010-08-08T13:23:00.002+10:00

are now listed on my crafty blog :) They're painless to enter and you can score big :) I'm also posting all my crafty and scrappy creations on this sister blog so please come over and join my new blog and have some fun in the process :)

My Crafty Creations

Slowly Becoming South Australian....

2010-08-08T12:56:00.002+10:00

Well it's happening... they are draining the Tasmania out of the little Taswegian.. slowly but surely all signs of our previous existence are being drained away... being replaced with a new stamp of ownership - that of being South Australia.

I have now received my confirmation that we are registered to vote as South Australians!!!!

I'm still resisting changing my license - although that has to be done within the month **sob** then will be our registration of the car... then **sob** all outwards signs of us being Tasmanian will be goneded (with the exception of the car yard sticker on the back of the car and the Tassie Devils in 5kn radius sticker)

I'm not shattered by this, but feel a little odd - a little out of my depth because I've no idea what it means to be South Australian - unlike Tasmanian... it's kinda odd not knowing anything about the place where you're living - I mean I don't even know who our local politicians are that we're meant to be voting for in a couple of weeks... it's a really surreal experience still - but we're learning and we WILL adapt and our Taswegian skin may be shed but deep down I know that we are Tasmanian born and bred - just no longer Tasmanian in address...

I guess what concerns me a little is that I know Tasmania, I've lived and breathed her, I'm an advocate for her - I want my kids to know their roots and know how lucky they are that they have ties to this gorgeous state and have known a different form of existance - I want them to remember Tasmania and growing up there, but I know that those memories will be distant as they grow up, and they will become faded and little sketches in the back of their heads - not vibrant and bright like my memories of living in and growing up in Tassie are... I guess they will make their own memories and possibly even grow to love SA in the way that I love Tassie... I guess I owe them the right to make their own memories and have them as bright and vibrant as mine... I owe them the right to love the way they are brought up - I mean, in reality It's not necessarily where a person grown up but who they are with that creates the best memories...

I know I'm struggling with something that can't change, something that is a given now and in all respects is a result of a decision I've made!!! I have to work hard to make sure no matter where we live, no matter what state we are in that they have the best memories of each and every day... I owe them that - and not to forget where they came from, they came from love, my family and yes, they were born in Tasmania - that is something I'll never let them escape from, but to keep it in perspective, they are Tasmanian, but ultimately they are also Australian and they are my children whom I love and adore and only want the best for!!!

Have you ever....

2010-08-06T09:33:00.003+10:00

looked up at your ceiling, be it kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom etc and noticed a spot. A spot could be anything... something out of the ordinary that obviously should not be there? Well I've just done that.

I was calling Dommy to the kitchen to collect his "Dum Dum" for "Nigh Nigh's" (if you can read through the baby talk there you're obviously a parent - it's dummy for nap) and I noticed that my little stained glass glass frog on a leaf that dangles on a crystal that I hang in the window was showering the room with rainbows. When looking around I noticed a spot on the ceiling! I've not seen it there before, but the more I looked the more I noticed this spot seemed to be multiplying!!!

There is not one spot on our ceiling but many little ones!!! You could say my ceiling had contracted a virus, and I should really just feed it paracetamol for a couple of days and the spots should clear - oh and don't scratch because it can scar....

Well the itch came over me.. I had to scratch!!!

So off I climb on a ladder (I'm quite vertically challenged you know - wish I was horizontally challenged too!!) and I started to scratch at the spots - that is clean them.... Orange spray out and armed with a microfibre cloth I attacked those itchy spots with gusto... one by one, and then I looked behind me... The spots were gone., but there are now scars on my ceiling!!!

What are the scars?? they're the clean areas that are now surrounded by the not so clean areas that have never been cleaned!!! Augh!! The whole ceiling needed cleaning down!!!!

As I indicated earlier I'm quite vertically challenged so this was doing my back and neck in... So the ceiling will have to remain a little scared for now... I'm looking at maybe a chemical peel (full surface cleaning) later in the weekend - performed by Nathan of course haha he's 6ft 2 so taller than me and as a cleaner in a previous life more qualified at performing such a radical treatment as a full chemical peel on the ceiling than I am ;)

So should you ever notice spots on your ceilings - be forwarned.. they might be itchy but scratching isn't always the best thing... My suggestion - go in with the big guns first (and let someone who is taller than you do all the work ROFL)

Emotional Rollercoaster...

2010-08-04T08:55:00.002+10:00

Do you ever find yourself in the shower thinking about everything that has happened in your life? Well I do. I stand under the hot stream of water and let it cleanse my thoughts as well as my body. I stand there and think about all the things I'd love to say to people, all the thigns I'd love to write here... but I never do. I hate to see people upset and don't like causing trouble for others (despite what they have done or do to me) that may make me a martyr to some, but honestly I think I'm simply weak.

If I was strong I would be standing up for myself more and not feeling the pressure that is my life coming down on me all the time. Right at the moment I'm living one of those pressure days... I could cheerfully crawl back to bed and have a good sook... instead I prepare my kids to take them to school and get ready to go downtown and work out what I can or can't put in the shopping trolley.

Anyways, I might get the strength to come back and write what is really deep down inside of me and go hang with the consequences. I think it'll be good therapy to get it out - to finally deal with the hurt that at least one family has dealt me over the past couple of years... one day - maybe...

For now, I log off and take my kidlets to school and do all other things a mother must do.

xxx

Feeling the Vibe? QV mum2mum

2010-08-02T21:08:00.002+10:00

I had the opportunity to trial the range of QV skincare the last few weeks as part of marketing research at Vibe Villiage.

I must say that I'm suitable impressed. We have allergies in this house (as most would know) so to find something that doesn't flare up little Dom or William skin on contact is really important. I was aware of QV products from when Wil was a baby and we used them with him so was really comfortable bringing these into the house to try.

The skincare range doesn't feel cheap or nasty, it's really quite soothing with a clean almost fragrance free scent. It's been really good for my normal tending towards dry skin type. I'm not really one for skincare, but that will have to change now we're in a drier climate. I've noticed since starting up a regime with it that my skin is not feeling as dry as it had been since moving to SA so really happy with that :) I'm about to start Kahli off on some of it, she has a dry exzema on her upper arms and thights, it'll be interesting to see if these products help clear it for her as she heads into her teenage years.

So I definitely recommend this product if you're in the market for something new, or even if you're not - go give it a try! There's no harm in a change - especially if that change doesn't cost you a fortune hehe.

Winters Days...

2010-08-01T11:59:00.003+10:00

Well after a hint of spring it seems that the weather has decided it likes to be winter more... So the fire is back on, hot coffee in hand (well not right at the moment I'm typing **doh**) and cardi's re-dusted off ;)

It's definitely a different winter her in the Mount. We haven't had any of the bitingly cold days that we have back in Tas... I know some people here say they've had a few frosts, but at this house where we are we've had a grand sum total of 2 frosts to date - and at that they were very light frosts, as in they were melted totally by 9am!!! Totally different to spending half the day thinking it had snowed outside because the frost was still white and thick on the ground at midday!! I could easily get comfortable with wet winters here, but the summer still has be very afraid!!!

Summer... Hmmm back in Tassie, it meant sunburn and beaches (yeah I know, not very slip slop slap) I'm one of these dreadful people who still sunburn despite putting sunscreen on - no idea why, but it's always been a pain (quite literally) but the sun here is different, we're a bit further north meaning it'll be more intense, coupled with the heat we've been warned about (40*C c'mon.. please nooooo!!!) I don't think I'm going to be too much of a happy chappy come this summer... I know it'll be the worst one as we're still acclimatising, in fact that is the only thing that is preparing me for it all - knowing that it will be the worst one because the next one we'll be that little bit more ready and experienced... But still, I can see me being a total hermit come summer - everyone will have to come to me if they want to see me LOL

Seriously - this little black (or terribly white as the case may be) duck even gets sunburnt in the car!!! Augh!!! I'm probably imagining things to be a lot worse than what they can be....

but in the meantime, I'm enjoying the slowness, the snuggliness and wetness of a winter in the Mount - yes enjoying the rain, I have gone around the loop ROFL

Changing Tact...

2010-07-31T10:24:00.004+10:00

I've made a decision... I think I need to separate my crafty posts here from my regular blog life.

My reasonings are simple, I use my blog to air things out, get things off my chest... it's not always a positive place to be - it can be downright depressing at times reading back myself so I get it that not everyone wants to read my whines and dribble... and if I ever want to take my crafty passions further I think this possible negative side of me needs to be separate from my other passions...

Some people followed my blog to be there in the good and bad times for me, others for the crafty side - SO I figure I'll have a separate blog for crafty stuff (including all the giveaway posts) and keep this one where I can dribble till my hearts content and not worry about the further impact so much if I do decide to take my craft etc further...

Hope that makes sense to you all, it does in my head so as this is my blog I guess that is the most important thing hey ;) LOL

so... the link for my crafty side is...

My Crafty Retreat

It's very much a work in progress at the moment but I hope it'll be full of positive posts, lots of giveaways and hopefully sketches and inspiration for more crafty goodness :)

A Warm Welcome...

2010-07-29T11:00:00.004+10:00

is something that you just can't go past. I'm talking about the really warm ones, where after you've been introduced you're still spoken to and welcomed into the fold as such. Not just the "oh you're new, hello" and wander off to speak to someone else not to ever talk to you again kind of thing...

Since entering back into the scrapbooking world I've had three wonderful places welcome me and the welcome hasn't worn off. These places are online (although one has and another will soon branch off into real life adventures and friendships) and I can't thank them enough!!! No matter how much or little I write or communicate with me I've found them all accepting and willing to listen and converse back - something that I've found missing in some other online communities - and I want to acknowledge them here :)

the first one is a place I've linked to and mentioned many MANY times here - Scrapbooking top 50 Australia. OMG, I'm so pleased I found the girls here - they have been my rock since moving. I can't thank them enough for all they have offered me! I kinda forced myself onto them I think - but it didn't seem unwelcome so they're stuck with me mwahahaha And from this forum I'm forging new real life friendships and acquaintances in Mount Gambier!! Something I never ever expected!!! They always bring a smile to my face, make me laugh and challenge me to go further with the hobby I'm loving at the moment - Scrapbooking :) I'm truly blessed for finding them and for their friendship and camaraderie in return xxxx

Second one is Scraphappy Kat's blog!! I discovered Kathie's blog via Scrapbooking top 50 Australia. It's a great little place of close friendships and a mutual love for our scrapping :) It's another place where no matter what someone says or writes you will always have a kind word in response. Lots of laughs and smiles too :) Oh and I get to meet most of the contributors there at the end of August when they have their scrapbooking retreat!!! Lots of giveaways form the lovely Kathie and encouragement galore - love you girls!!!

and last but not least is an American forum that I found via a blog link from one of their DT's - the enormously talented Tanya Tahir. It's The Scrapbook Nook! I'm not an avid contributor there, but do subscribe to their monthly kits (which incidently are brilliant!! Sooooo worth every $$ spent!!! - and no affiliation to get rewarded to send you there, I just love them!!!) This is a unique forum that has been built over time and isn't just full of girls from the USA, it's an international forum and a great place to be getting inspiration from all over the world!! The gallery for this forum is really something to see - it's GORGEOUS!! Even though I'm just a lowly newbie, and not a well known member (I think most of the members there wouldn't even recognise my user name!!!) I can comment, post, upload etc etc and get awesome feedback, lovely responses and HUGE encouragement!!! A great place to be a member of and so much to learn with a lot of girls there being DT's for the big name scrapbooking companies - a LOT of inspiration and love going around there :)

So there you have it. I've tried to get in on other forums and groups... the initial 'welcome' post seems to go down well but breaking into them from there hasn't really worked - To the point on some I can post and be ignored completely!!! I can't thank or recommend the above groups enough. If it wasn't for them I'd be feeling mighty lonely here in the Mount, I'd not know half of what I've already learned and experienced already with my new scrapbooking adventures. I'm surely blessed to have these people in my life.

THANK YOU
from the bottom of my heart
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hmmmm...

2010-07-29T10:09:00.002+10:00

I've woken up not feeling the best... Green around the gills is a bit of an understatement :( Gastro's going around so I'm hoping it's not that, whatever it is I hope it passes soon... I've soooo much to do around here (not to mention am way behind in getting my monthly scrapping challenges completed!!!)

Just having a ho-hum day, will be sticking close to home, hugging my hot water bottle and having a day for me...

Thing I Want....

2010-07-28T17:46:00.001+10:00

I don't usually have an answer for when people ask me what I want for gifts etc, but since I've started scrapping again... sheesh!! Oh there's so many things!!! I know, I know, birthday and Christmas are soooo far away (well we're on the downward run now, over half the year has officially passed!!!) but there's no harm in getting my wish list out there early is there??? **evil grin**

Ok, first thing is a Cricut Expression

**drool**

My justification for this is that I can do my own Alpha's and it'll save me money in the long run!!! And really, the pink one is sooo cute - and what girl wouldn't like a nice expensive, electric pink plastic toy to keep her company during a long night of scrapping :)

Secondly would be an I-Top...

What is an i-top I hear you ask?? Well it's a cute little tool that allows you to make your own brads!!! I love brads, but sometimes get frustrated that what I'm picturing in my head isn't available in my stash of brads - and they're so expensive to purchase (talking fabric or epoxy brads here) so yep, a tool that will allow me to make my own with fabric, paper or what ever I want will be just great ;) Another pink toy, but this one is manual ;)

Thirdly would be the cousin to i-top, the I-Rock tool!!!

Ahhh bling, thou art sooo beautiful!!! and the i-rock would make life easier if I can make my own flourishes, make bling actually attach to what I'm doing without having to worry that the adhesive might not work (and have to pritt it down at a later date) Oh and it's pink and electric too, just a bit hotter (literally) than the other two ;)

And fourthly... hmmm... fourthly.... Not sure at the moment, but I leave my list open to add to or subtract from as I please ;)

What a Happy, Scrappy day!!!!

2010-07-27T16:05:00.003+10:00

Wow is all I can say!!!

Well to start with, the inspirational and lovely Sue from Scrapbooking Top 50 Australia suprised me by asking me to be the forums "scrapper in the Spotlight" for the week :) It's such an honour to be asked out of all the members to be featured - how could I decline!! So it's all done and up on the forum to see here :) all live from today.... I'm not one for being on display like this (although this month I feel my life has been laid open for all to come look, poke and comment on haha) so it's kinda awkward for me - so long as it's all good though I'm happy hehehe

And then today I get an email from the editor of Scrapbooking Creations - a scrapping magazine here in Aust. She loves my Happy Bee layout and would like to publish it!!! Again, how could I say no LOL so I'm to hear from the editorial assistant later this week with what to do next!!!

WOW!!! what a great day!!! I'm soooo over the moon and excited and surprised and, well speechless!!! (wouldn't know it from this entry but you know what I mean - I hope!!)

maybe I need to start having more faith in myself.... :)

Australia Post...

2010-07-27T10:12:00.002+10:00

Can you please tell me where the parcel is that I posted almost 3 weeks ago back to Tassie? I even sent it express post to try and get it there a little quicker - only to be advised (once I had purchased it) that Mount Gambier is not a part of the guaranteed next day delivery network.

I've been told that mail from here likes to do a little tour of the country - which is really great for the mail itself to go via the scenic route, but I have people back on that little island who really need re-uniting with their belongings that they left over here and a few that really want the photo's I sent over too.

Is there any ways Mr/Mrs/Ms Australia Post that you can please locate my mail and deliver it - SOON???

pretty please!!!!!

I Wont be Following in my Parents Footsteps....

2010-07-26T17:59:00.003+10:00

...into the world of fostering. No way will I be doing any fostering of any sort unless things change dramatically.

It's no secret that some of my teenage years was spent with my parents in a children's home that they were running at the time. I was the big sister (or in a couple of situations the little sister). We had over 250 children come in to our homes and hearts for a little over 2 years. These kids came to us from various situations, differing reasons and in a range of different conditions.

My parents also did fostering and temcare in our home before moving to the childrens home, so opening our doors to others was really nothing all that new for us.

It was not unusual to be in this situation. We were there to help. And more often than not us being there and our help was appreciated. In a lot of cases the children didn't want to be there... we dealt with their heartbreak, their depressions, their wounds (physical or emotional) and in some cases their pure hatred. We had short term family members, and long term - an a mixture of ages from birth to 16 years of age.

No, why wouldn't I walk in my parents footsteps?

Simple. As much as I don't regret this life for me - after all it has been one of the big experiences that has educated me in the world, and the workings of society - it's also what has helped make me who I am today - both in positive and negative ways. I don't regret, but I would never ever put my children through it.

We didn't know who was going to be in our lives from one day to the next. We shared rooms with these children and welcomed them to be part of our family. We had no idea if they were going to be coming under simple relief situations or is we were the halfway house inbetween the childrens detentions centre.. or even if we were the last chance for the child before they entered the justice system. I lived half in fear of these kids that came into our homes. There were reasons most of them were with us and not their own families, usually these reasons were negative reasons and even though they didn't show much negativity to the adults in the house, to be another child around them wasn't always the safest.

What harm can a child be?? Well, probably not much on the surface... However I grew up not being able to trust. I had things stolen from my own cupboards and drawers. I couldn't have anything I held as a treasure because as soon as they knew I had a treasure it became a bargaining chip... I had to hide my emotions. We couldn't get attached to these individuals as we had no idea when they would be leaving - it hurt to grow attached, so better to be at an arms length - this has really effected me with my relationships even as an adult.

Some of the things I witnessed were so distressing - even for an adult to experience, there is no way I would want my kids to be subjected to these things!!! What, I hear you say could be so bad... seeing 6 week old babies come into the home abused and neglected, older children abused and terrified, children/teenagers self mutilating and cutting, drug abuse and attempted suicides. This all part of these peoples lives - and remember they are all aged under 16 years...

But this is all things that can be healed in time (and a lot of therapy!!!)

The one big thing that I wont allow to happen to my family is something my parents are going through now... The remnants of these children in their lives is not always positive.

This particular person who is trying to bring their lives to a standstill at the moment was a long term resident in the home. She was quite mentally unwell - having frequent visits to professionals for help. She spent a lot of her time what I would call depressed and delusional. She frequently would tell us older children how she had got hold of alcohol and hint towards other substances, and would often be off her face with overdosing on common meds and the likes...

Her behaviour in general was disturbing. She would climb all over any adults in the vicinity (she was 15 years old) and was very over the top in her presentation and advances towards men and boys and her attachment to adults in general - children she was very offhand with. She would lie all the time, and lash out physically to anyone she didn't like. There was at least 3 times she attempted suicide, I remember ambulances being called to our home and also to our school, also one time sitting on the floor in the hallway of the hospital waiting to visit her while she was being seen to by the psychologist. the floor was cold and hard on out butts - it was the typical tiled hospital floor - no match to the winter school uniforms we were wearing.

She was very pushy and over emotional, at one stage she tried to push into our family and take my parents on in the place of her own - something that was not acceptable or wanted. My parents had a lot of help with professionals on how to deal with this girl and her wants in this situation - she did not take their rebuttal with insisting that they would be her parents very well...

This girl's response to everything that my family did over a long period of time to help her was to accuse my dad of acting inappropriately over a period of time. This is what I will not subject my family to - having someone be so vengeful to make something up like this!!! The situation was dealt with all those years ago and my parents couldn't go on in the childrens home. To be putting yourself and your family out there to help and then have everything thrown back in your face like this would be breaking point for most people!

So dealt with right?? Wrong - this can be the long term legacy that some people live with taht try to help others... This person has now sought my parents out on facebook and causing merry hell there for them, also abusing myself and my siblings to boot now.... She is accusing us of now abusing her!!! We've reported and have involved the authorities and are awaiting advice on where to go now. She is so sick that she has also sent emails stating everything she has said was made up, but then she'll change again - and blame a mental condition - which is all ok, but then she'll start up another username and start all over again!

Anyways I digress... There is no way on earth that I could even contemplate putting my family through this experience. Nothing is worth the pain that my parents are now going through - nor what they experienced all those years ago. I know not all children in the foster system are like this, I know there are more positive experiences than bad... But I wont take the risk, I wont and don't think it is fair of me to gamble my family in this way knowing how it can turn out - I take my hat off to those who do foster, who are making a success at it... Maybe it was the sheer size of number that threw us under the bus, I don't know.. I know a childrens home is a far way removed from regular fostering - but I just can't take the gamble.. I've been burned and my family are still paying the price from this long term foster child...

A few years spent helping out those who needed helping, and so many scars and hurts that remain with us and follow us now through our everyday lives...

No, I will not be following in my parents footsteps.. and good luck (in all sincerity) to those who do...

Why write about this now? She's started it all over again - yes this week she started using what appears to be her pre-teen sons facebook account to lash out at my family again. I'm so frustrated that my dad has just got through a major health issue and has been fighting off cancer, mum is dealing with managing her diabetes... and this little piece of trash is trying to make their lives and our lives hell all over again!!! All we ever did was put ourselves in a position to help her, we didn't ask to have her come to our lives - she was placed with us as a long term foster, we opened our hearts, our arms and our lives...

Everytime we try to bury the memories, the hurt and get on with our lives this demon seems to rise from the dead with even more allegations, lies and twisted stories...

It's Beautiful at the Mount :)

2010-07-26T17:47:00.004+10:00

Well it has been for the past couple of days - so much so that we ventured to the Lakes park yesterday for a BBQ lunch and to let the kids off the leash. We met up with Vicki and her littlies and Charm with her partner and children - they all had a blast!!! It was nice to be out in the warm sunshine and hear the kids laughing and being... well... kids :)

I've got some piccies, but will get permission from the other mums before adding here, and have yet to edit my kids pics (slaaack I know LOL)

And today was another BEAUTIFUL day :) the sun here has a real warmth to it that was somewhat hollow back in Tassie - I can tell we're going to really suffer come summer - it's going to be something new to us to experience consistant temps over 30*C, let alone 40*C!!!

Today I did some editing of yesterdays images for Charm and Vicki - I'll get onto mine probably later on tonight... Then after dropping off some happy parcels we went to Target to check out the toy sale. Either I'm getting jaded by toys (I highly doubt this!), we're getting picky or the toy sales this year (Kmart, Target etc...) are really poor!!!! Nothing jumped out at us at all!!! I think we know what we want to spoil our brats with come Christmas, but we also use the toy sales for birthdays that are between now and Christmas, and to be honest... even for them nothing really said "buy me now!!!" I guess I'm lucky our kids love the great outdoors and crafts - looks liek it'll be that kind of theme when they unwrap birthday suprises this year!!!

Anyhoos, I can smell dinner burning *ack!* (spag bol) so better go rescue it or my brats will be going hungry!!!!

Another Fabulous Giveaway!!!

2010-07-25T16:49:00.003+10:00

this time from someone I've "met" online who is a marvelous person :) It's Becci on her scrap journal, and she has started making the most wonderful crochet flowers and is slowly building up a small business :)

So pop over to her blog and have a look see at her scrapping and what's on offer with her giveaway and maybe drop her a little comment :)

So-So Saturday

2010-07-24T22:55:00.002+10:00

Well it's been a full on day today. I'm not going into details but for my own records and memories if I need to come back to search out dates etc I just want to log the day... Hmm that probably doesn't make sense LOL

So for my own records - Miss Piggy Returned!!!

:P

Ok, I know that makes no sense to anyone, but it could be vitally important in the future ;)

I'm off to bed, this day has left me with a raging headache and I know my blood pressure is elevates by the thumping in my veins... Sleep is the only thing that can stop this one turning into a migraine...

night night, sweet dreams

xxx

Another Stampin' Giveaway...

2010-07-23T16:00:00.003+10:00

From the wonderful craftswoman Kellie Winnell!!!!

To celebrate her birthday she has another 'blog candy' to giveaway to a lucky blog follower!!!

It's the whole Summer Kit from Magnolia! Woohoo!!!!

C'mon, you got to be in it to win it!!!!

Hmmm Apparently I can link these giveaways in my sidebar... I might need to spend a bit more time on blogspot and work it out so the links are there all the time for everyone!!!

Dommy's Tootsies...

2010-07-23T14:01:00.002+10:00

I haven't mentioned much about the progress on Dom's feet of late, but to be quite honest I'm really concerned.

His physio here in The Mount is not familiar with the Ponsetti method and admits that she's had to do a lot of online searching and research. I'm quite confused about how in Burnie we were told he'd be in his foot bar until around 4 years of age, but then when we come over here the physio said that Burnie told her we could do away with the bar now... Total opposites... Anyways she adjusted his bar (not measuring, just using 'visual' guess that it was the right adjustment) and Dom hated it after that, he was not happy with the bar... so we have put it aside believing that we were doing as advised... I so wish we hadn't!!!!

His feet are now starting to splay quite obviously again. He is pulling his toes in really strongly and when walking I can see his toes from around his heel again :( Also his left ankle has become incredibly rigid!! I can push it to a 90* angle - just... it wont flex towards his shin any further - it's just like pushing into a cement wall, the joint will not move any more!!! It's really concerning me because this is also the foot he drags and trips on the most.

It appears he has also grown out of his UCBL's (orthotics) He has developed a calous on his left foot where it is rubbing. Dommy doesn't like having to wear his shoes, over time the foot seems to settle into position, but he hates getting his shoes put on... We've padded it up with moleskin (padded bandage type material) but he's still very red when the shoe comes off and still sore.... He quite literally is growing, it's been 7 months since we started treatment and just over 6 months since his UCBL's were cast - he was a baby and is now a toddler, his feet has grown jsut as he has so it's kinda natural that they don't fit him anymore... I hate having to force these shoes on him, but at the moment they are the only things restraining his feet and helping keep them in a decent condition.

We're waiting on a call from the Royal Women and Children's hospital in Adelaide to set up an appointment with the club foot team there. I can't wait in one way for the appointment, but in another I'm dreading it - I'm dreading that we've now had it mentioned 3 times that we're more than likely looking at another series of casting... It'll mean weekly trips to Adelaide for the casts to be put on and removed until they're happy with the foot to move then into AFO's (different version of boots and bar - they also support the ankle a bit more) So it could be a bit rough again for us with Dommy's feet, it'll be a wait and see game at the moment though...

On a positive we can still push his feet into a 'neutral' position, the rigidity that was in his foot hasn't returned...

So, more waiting and seeing... I hope that we get in soon to combat the rigidity in his feet adn for him to have some new UCBL's cast so he can wear shoes in comfort again!!!

Scrappy Share :)

2010-07-22T16:30:00.003+10:00

I've finished the Cyber Crop challenges for Scrapbooking Top 50 Australia!!! I'm not convinced on a couple of them, but they're completed and as much as I question them I'm also happy with them - that probably makes no sense , but hey, that's me ROFL

Well I've already shared the mini and first challenge I've completed so here's the final 3 :)

Mr Independent

details

Challenge 2 set by Anthea. We had to do LO on someone who represents independence. Domenik is my example of someone who represents independence to me. He's growing up so quickly and just entering the stage of toddler-hood where he is discovering he is an independent soul, he isn't a part of his mummy and can do things for himself

We're also to include only 1 photo and it must be larger than 4x6, a quote used by the subject and at least 1 heart.

Journalling reads: Domenik, you are such an independent little boy. As you grow your spirit grows and that little light inside you burns brighter. You want to grow up so quickly and do everything yourself. You've started saying "me" or "mine" when you want to do something. It's a rare day when you aren't there trying to help saying "me, me, me!"

We've Come So Far

details

The achievement is us moving to Mount Gambier. The photo's are our last glimpse of Tassie (also my avatar) and the first pic taken in Mount Gambier - on the tarmac!!! It was an achievement in so many ways - the fact we up and moved with 3 weeks notice, the fact they got this 100% Taswegian to live outside of the state, the fact we are now fully independent - I think this is the biggest one for us... We've always had my parents around and now we're all y ourselves... It's a major hurdle that we have facing us and that we're facing as a family I always thought we'd be the last people to leave the sanctuary of Tassie... things changed so quickly and dramatically!!!

Anyhoos, as for the challenge requirements....
* Stars and Stripes (star brads and striped handmade diecut)
* Photo/Journal about an achievement (read above)
* Paint Somewhere (the large alpha's are painted chipboard) and
* a Tab (I've got 2)

And Finally...

Whatever You May Do

Challenge requirements:
* Based on/journalling about a career choice
* Distressing (tearing, painting and some sanding)
* Stitching
* Mixed Alpha Title
* Strip Journalling

So this is the fun I've been up to the last few days.. I might still do some tweaking, not sure... But then I also have 4 monthly challenges to complete before the end of the month too!!!!

Oh Dear

2010-07-22T10:19:00.004+10:00

last nights post was such a garbled mess hahaha - sorry!!! I was trying to get out a few different thoughts that have been going through my head, I didn't realise it was so dis-jointed!!!

Well I didn't get that good a night sleep last night, Domenik was really unsettles at around 3.20 and wouldn't calm down, I think it was a night terror or bad dream because when he woke at 8am (in my bed beside me after keeping me awake until 5am trying to settle and soothe him) he woke up with a start and crying again, not normal for my little Dommy....

I guess it's a wait and see thing to see if it'll happen again, right now he's exhausted and already down for a nap **fingers crossed** he had a great sleep and wakes in a good mood, and has another good sleep tonight!!!!

For me, I'm going to try to finish the Cyber Challenges for Scrapbooking top 50 australia today and get them uploaded. I've done 3, not overly happy with them, but they're done ;) and am about to start the final one - I'll upload them here once completed :)

Slowly Getting There....

2010-07-21T22:31:00.004+10:00

In sooo many ways :) My head is slowly getting itself around the face we're now in South Australia and this is home - we're not in Tassie anymore... It's going to be a bit longer before I really get a grip on this fact, I think because everything happened so quickly.. I mean even going on holiday you have a plan and run up to get ready for it - to have 3 weeks to get packed up, say our farewells and move - well that's just not enough time to prepare mentally for such a change... If I'm struggling with it I'd hate to think about how the kids are getting their little heads around the changes - no wonder they have such naughty periods at the moment, we've all had such a BIG change with little to no preparation, it's been a HUGE shock to us all!! not necessarily a culture shock, but a physical shock I guess of being uprooted and moving so far away from everyone and everything we know... Thank goodness for modern technology!!!

Now that all preparation, inspections, visitors etc are over for the near future we now get on with setting our routines and finding our place in the scheme of things her in 'The Mount" To be honest I don't really know where my place is at the moment other than to be here for the kids and Nathan... Trying to make things comfortable and running smoothly - I guess it's pretty much the same as most home makers - but the thing is I'm so used to working, that my head is somewhat struggling with the fact I don't have a job at the moment - even though I was on maternity leave back in Tas, I still had a job waiting for me... here I don't have that - I had to turn my back on the tax office to move over here, so I guess I'm struggling with the fact I'm no longer a working professional... It's something that is probably hard for a lot of people to understand, but I loved to work... I know I was venturing out to start my own business even in Tas, but that still meant I was working... I'm no where up to starting a business venture over here yet - For goodness sake I don't even know enough here to approach to even look at starting a business!!!

Anyways, I think our first task here is to start to relax... The last 13 weeks have been nothing short of chaotic, bedlam, stress, tension, friction, busy busy busy!!! I'm finding it hard to wind down from it all. I've been catching myself curling up into a big ball of stress of late, I can't shake the tension - I think being in a constant state of 'fight or flight' the last few months is really starting to play havoc with my ability to relax... It's not that easy when you've had so much thrown at you in such a short amount of time. And the sad thing with that is if I'm stressed and tense it is only natural everyone one else in the household will feel it and the stress and tension will find it's way into them as well... it's insidious little fingers will creep from me to everyone else so I really REALLY REALLY need to work hard on relaxing and getting over this first hurdle...

So how do I relax??? Where do I start??? Honest answer - I've got no idea!!!

Really, I don't know where to start. I've been trying to forcibly relax my muscles... I can feel them being very tight, I feel the tension headaches etc... I try to forcibly relax, but then forcibly relaxing feels so unnatural that I tense back up again LOL I wish we had a beach here.... The sound of the waves and feel of the sand on under my feet always helped relax me... I remember going down to the beach when we were at the childrens home - it was all rocks, but the waves crashing down was so soothing.... You could even hear the water suck back towards the ocean just before the waves would crash again - I can still hear that soft gurgling sound in my head, feel the hard rocks under my butt and feel the wind and spray on my face....

Oh to go back there, back in time and change a few things.... but if I changed anything we probably wouldn't be over here in SA having this adventure - and you know what... For everything that's happened, every tear we've shed, every tussle we've had I wouldn't change this for the world. I've so proud that we've come this far... So proud of Nathan getting this opportunity and move over here and really pleased that we've had this chance to grow together as a family as well as individuals... This is a challenge for us all... Sop no, I don;t think I really do want to go back and change anything... Go back and feel that salt spray on my face and the wind in my hair for sure.. but no, not to change anything... everything that's happened in our lives no matter how painful or joyful has sculpted the people we are today, and that is making us stronger and a more rounded person....

So I'm back where I started... we're slowly getting there. We are becoming accustomed to things here in SA, accustomed to relying on ourselves and accustomed to our new routines. We're making new friends (slowly but I know we'll get there ;)) and moving forward with our life :) It's all positive!! I know we will get 'there' wherever 'there' is - but we're heading in the right direction :) Now if I can just relax again and stop this tension building up that isn't necessary!!!

Again I don't know how to get this relaxation thing started... I really really don't... It makes it hard that I've no idea on where a lot of things like parks and walks are - privatish ones that is LOL And I don't cope too well with the unknown... I like things to be well planned and thought out (sheesh, this move was anything but that hahaha) so not knowing things like when Aleks will have his assessment, when Kahli will get her hearing tests, when William and Domenik will get their call ups to go to the specialists in Adelaide are all kinda playing havoc with my plans... I know it will all come in time - and then follow ups will be scheduled... But for now, not knowing isn't helping me either... golly gosh I'm sounding like a control freak ROFL I'm far from it, but I do like to have a little bit of order ;)

So where to start relaxing, I know I can't force these appointments, they're a 'go with the flow" situation, to it's back to me.. how do I relax!?!??! I love my scrapbooking at the moment, but I still feel tense completing LO's - to the point I find myself tapping my foot while working!!! How freaky is that - I've never done that before!!! Things might appear different the flip side of a good nights sleep - I guess that is as good a place to start as any... So to bed I go, maybe the relaxation fairies will come to me as I sleep ;) We live in hope!!!!

a HUGE crafty giveaway!!!

2010-07-20T22:59:00.004+10:00

No, not from me LOL It's from the FANTASTIC Kellie Winnel. You can find her blog/website here - I seriously recommend having a good look through her work - it's AMAZING!!!! Anyhoos, to celebrate reaching 550 followers of her blog she's got a HUGE giveaway, valued at over $200!!!! It's crafty bits and pieces, well not really bits and pieces, it's just gorgeous crafty goodness - here's some pics :)

And what exactly are in those pics I hear you ask... well she has also been kind enough to compile a list :) This is what you have the chance to win if you go to her blog, follow and put a post in your blog and then let her know via Mr Linky :)

Tim Holtz 2 Embossing Folders
Flourish with a Bling Pearls – Pearl
Flourish with a Bling Pearls – Black
Flourish with a Bling Pearls – Pink
Flourish with a Bling Rhinestones – Silver
Flourish with a Bling Rhinestones – Wine *NEW*
Flourish with a Bling Rhinestones – Black
Magnolia Doohickey – Tilda Lace
Magnolia Doohickey – Vintage Tag
Magnolia Doohickey – Leaf and Swirl
Magnolia Doohickey – Peony Petal
Simply Betty Stamp Rio
Simply Betty Stamp Betty
Kraftin’ Kimmie Stamp – Babette
Kraftin’ Kimmie Stamp – Monique
Kraftin’ Kimmie Stamp – Perfect Poision
C.C Designs – Heidi Amount The Flowers
C.C Designs – Sandbucket Tevor
C.C Designs – Bathing Beauty Emma
C.C Designs Beach Scene
C.C Designs – Coffee Kiki La Rue
Motivet – Rabbit with Dandelion
Baby Buds Designs – Owie
Baby Buds Designs – Ashton
Baby Buds Designs – Jack
Fairy Tales – Cupcake Belle
Fairy Tales – Belle
Fairy Tales – Phillip
Sweet November Stamps – Current Ebbtide & Anela
Sweet November Stamps – Ocean Wavedancer & Echo
Sweet November Stamps – Shimmer Redkelp & Otto
Sweet November Stamps – Bubbles Lostlagoon & Palu
Tickled Pink Stamp – Lil Lolita – 20’s Evie
Tickled Pink Stamps – Lil Lolita – 30’s Lylah
Tickled Pink Stamps – Lil Lolita – 50’s Lilith
Pink Cat Studio – Sick Billy
Pink Cat Studio – Sick Lily
The Greeting Farm – Thursday
The Greeting Farm – Sweet Message
The Greeting Farm – OA – Happy Days
Magnolia Stamp – Wedding Collection – Tilda with Peony
Magnolia Stamp – Wedding Collection – Tilda with Veil
Magnolia Stamp – Wedding Collection – Flower Girl

That is 30+ stamps and over $200 worth of goodies.

So don't just read this, go and have a look around some amazing artwork and let Kellie know you're following her too :)

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